Turkish politicians are considering implementing tough new penalties for violent soccer fans.
One of the possible punishments is having to watch Turkish hockey.

Miami and Notre Dame have banned their players from crossing the Mexican border and visiting Cuidad Juarez during free time on their Sun Bowl visit.
Too bad; the players were looking forward to hanging out there as a relaxing respite from North Miami and Gary, Indiana.

The Houston Rockets are shopping Yao Ming's $17 million expiring contract and the world's most fussed-over ankle.
So far, the New York Jets have expressed the most interest.

LeBron James is throwing himself an 11-stop, 3+ month "Birthday Party Tour".
I'd love to go but I'm double-booked with the 4 month Brett Favre Retirement Party.

The NFL handed out 16 fines to players for Week 15 games.
No wonder they want to move to an 18-game season.

Not only can they play in the Sugar Bowl, but now it turns out those Ohio State Buckeyes 5-game suspensions in '11 can be served in EA Sports NCAA Football 11.

The 31-year-old Maple Leafs fan who threw waffles on the ice during a game at the Air Canada Centre has also been banned from BMO Field, Ricoh Coliseum and the Niagara Falls' International House of Pancakes.

Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego has been flooded.
Is Gary Bettman thinking of adding a Kings-Coyotes NHL Winter Classic?

Nailing the Buckeyes for trading autographs is like getting Al Capone on tax evasion.

Much discussion on the NBA playing games on observed major holidays.
This debate started years ago with Shawn Kemp and Fathers Day.

What's duller: bowl season or bowling season?

What Rex Ryan and his wife do with her feet is their own business.
Just don't do it on the sideline during opponents punt and kick coverage.

Ryan Leaf signed a contract to write three books.
That's two more than he read at Washington State.

The Washington Wizards got a Secret Service patdown during their morning shootaround before playing the Miami Heat in front of President Obama.
They should consider themselves lucky they're not still called the Bullets.

FIFA head Sepp Blatter warned soccer fans journeying to the 2014 World Cup in Brazil they better be prepared to have sex in public or else face ostracization or jail time.

The Big Ten naming their divisions Legends and Leaders will soon be joining New Coke on the list of Flops and Failures.

The first 5,000 Vikings fans in the gate for the Bears game Monday night at TCF Bank Stadium at the University of Minnesota get a free shovel.

Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin will appear together on The Price Is Right Monday.
They'll be the first athletes on the show since Cam Newton.

Art historians found that by magnifying high-resolution images of the Mona Lisa's eyes letters, numbers and symbols can be seen.
They are calling it Da Tebow code.

Let me get this straight: someone named Sal Alosi who works for an organization in New Jersey took out a hit on an opposing family's foot soldier?

The TSA caught boxing promoter Don King with ammunition in his luggage.
Don't you think he'd be a little edgy not being able to travel with hair care products?

The Metrodome roof collapsed, pouring massive amounts of snow onto the field, and analysts said "obviously they couldn't play in those conditions".
I think the New England Patriots would have done fine.

The ratings are in for the Maple Leafs-Canadiens in 3D: of the 50 households in Canada with the technology, it was the highest-rated in its time slot outside of those watching Avatar again.

The Giants-Vikings game was postponed til Monday night due to accumulations of snow on the Metrodome roof and ice on Brett Favre's shoulder.

The San Antonio Spurs Manu Ginobili says he saw a UFO when he was in LA to play the Clippers December 1.
The New York Knicks claimed the same thing a week earlier but video later proved it was actually Blake Griffin.

Evander Holyfield will fight Sherman "Tank" Williams at a four-star resort in West Virginia next month.
Pretty shocking stuff.
Who knew there was a four-star resort in West Virginia?

Harlem Globetrotters legend Curly Neal was on hand as Dr. James Naismith's original rules of basketball sold for $4.5 million at auction.
When Neal presented the document to the winning bidder, it had mysteriously changed to shredded confetti.

The Red Sox loved the Winter Meetings so much, they signed them to a 7-year deal before they left Lake Buena Vista.

Cam Newton won the Maxwell Award as the nation's best all-around player.
His dad won the Maxwell House Award for shaking ADs down to the last drop.

A glitch in one of the computers used in the BCS rankings almost put Cee Lo Green in the Fiesta Bowl.

Jets coach Rex Ryan buried the game ball from the 45-3 loss to the Patriots.
It's right next to Jimmy Hoffa.

The Jets observed the 30th anniversary of John Lennon's death by having another New York tragedy broadcast over Monday Night Football.

Diego Maradona may be the next coach of the Iranian National Soccer team.
If they win a big game, he has pledged to run naked through the streets being chased by secret police.

It appears the Washington Nationals signed Jayson Werth to Derek Jeter's contract demands.

The New York Yankees reached agreements with Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera.
Analysts say if they can just re-sign Bernie Williams and David Cone they will be favorites to win the 1998 World Series.

Two people were stabbed in a huge Rose Bowl parking lot brawl before the Southern Cal-UCLA game.
Anyone know if O.J. is getting weekend passes?

Cincinnati's Bearcat mascot got arrested during a football game for throwing snowballs and resisting security.
Its been a rollercoaster year for feline characters in Ohio, between the Bobcat, the Bearcat, and the Lyin' King.

The USC student-agent who gave tailback Dillon Baxter a ride across campus in his golf cart has been decertified by the NFL Players Association.
He will also have to start displaying a "L" sticker on the back of his golf cart.

The NCAA ruled Cam Newton eligible, claiming he was unaware that his father concocted a pay-for-play scheme during his recruitment.
Apparently, for these Newtons, the apple does fall far from the tree.

Observers at the Heat-Cavaliers game said it was the most riled-up Ohio crowd they had ever seen outside of a monster truck rally.

A new autobiography by disgraced sprinter Ben Johnson claims he was once the Egyptian pharaoh Khufu in the mid-2500s B.C.
Things were going great until he tested positive for frankincense.

Russia and Qatar? Is this the World Cup or a James Bond movie?

Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert has paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to a Midwestern law firm to investigate LeBron James's decision to join the Miami Heat.
Who is having the better year: Cavs or Heat?
Neither; Midwestern law firm.

Sports Illustrated named Jason Schwartzman its Schwartzman of the Year.

A new study applied a monetary value to each NFL player.
Those generating the most money for the league are Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and James Harrison.

Malaysia lost to Pakistan in an Olympic field hockey qualifier, despite shaving their heads to ward off evil spirits.
That's not working for the Miami Heat, either.

Texas Christian University has joined the Big East conference.
It will be fascinating to see their parkour team adapt to the northeast's urban jungles after the southwest landscapes.

A report said the San Francisco Giants are interested in Derek Jeter.
Will he take his talents to North Beach?

Boise State coach Chris Petersen defended his kicker, Kyle Brotzman, after he missed two easy field goals at the end of BSU's loss to Nevada, saying: "That's one that 99 out of 100 times he's going to make."
Uh, I think he means 98 out of 100 times.

One difference between the Super Bowl and the Grey Cup: 1/4 of the NFL's teams don't play in the Super Bowl.

The NFL fined the Denver Broncos $100,000 for filming the San Francisco 49ers practice in London.
It is the worst return on money committed to tape in 2010 since Prince of Persia.

The Black Eyed Peas are playing at halftime of the Super Bowl.
Who are they opening for?

Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher was unimpressed by Vince Young's apology via text message, saying the proper man thing to do was discuss it in a live chat room.

Derek Jeter's financial demands are like the inverse image of Dr. Evil's.

Ohio State president Gordon Gee says the Buckeyes refuse to meet Boise State or TCU in a spelling bee.

Britain announced its national terror threat will remain at a severe level during the 2012 London Olympics.
Authorities said there is no way they can train enough orthodontists before England takes the world stage.

The Cincinnati Bengals Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco are getting another reality series together.
This one's called The Biggest Losers.

Top USC freshman RB Dillon Baxter was declared ineligible after he got a ride to campus on a golf cart.
Probably a courtesy cart while his Corvette was in the shop.

The NHL may get the U.S. network deal its been coveting.
CBS is considering producing "Survivor: Jobing.com Arena".

The Miami Heat have lost PF Udonis Haslem to a foot injury.
Kevin Willis, keep your phone on.

The Discovery Channel aired "The Last Day of the Dinosaurs".
It's a documentary about people who refused to vote for Felix Hernandez for the AL Cy Young Award.

The "friendly confines" of Wrigley Field's end zones were found to have walls like the trash compactor scene in Star Wars.

The offenses only worked in one direction in the Northwestern-Illinois Wrigley Field game.
Sort of like in a Carolina Panthers game.

Vuvuzuelas have been banned from the Yale-Harvard game.
Apparently, the schools that have produced the last 4 U.S. presidents don't want any useless hot air-blowing.

The Newton family's attorney said he is "a million percent confident that Cam Newton took no money from no one".
So he took some money from everyone?

Do cancellations come in threes? ER: 2009, Scrubs: 2010, Greg Oden: 2011?

This Carolina Panthers QB controversy of Brian St. Pierre and Tony Pike recalls the old Montana vs Young argument.

5 former University of Kansas employees were charged with conspiring to steal $2+ million in a ticket-scalping scandal.
A similar case concerning the Phoenix Coyotes was deemed "not guilty by reason of insanity".

A drunken Cleveland Browns fan tackled an 8-year-old boy wearing a Jets jersey in a parking lot outside Browns Stadium after Cleveland's loss Sunday.
At the rate they're going, it should make the Browns season highlight video.

Calgary Flames GM Darryl Sutter traded his son Brett to the Carolina Hurricanes.
That's going to make for an awkward holiday household.

People are claiming Cal lost dignity by allegedly faking injuries against Oregon.
Do you really think a team is concerned about dignity when they come out in those uniforms?

A Las Vegas security guard accused Floyd Mayweather Jr. of poking him in the face several times and threatening him.
Did Mayweather require the guard to take a blood test before their confrontation?

The last time the Eagles scored so much was the Hotel California Tour.

Nice celebration penalty called by the refs after the Jaguars game-winning Hail Mary.
When will that be assessed - on the Jags first kickoff to the Browns Sunday?

DEA agents intercepted a package of 50 syringes of HGH being sent to the wife of Giants OF Jose Guillen.
San Francisco, drugs, long hair, beards, endless travel...the Giants are the Grateful Dead with hygienic fans.

Kudos to Auburn QB Cam Newton for going out and playing through all that noise.
Kid's a real pro.

Did you notice the size difference at the Pacquiao fight?
Jerry Jones' ego dwarfs Manny's.

To keep pace with Wisconsin's 83-20 shellacking of Indiana, Bucky Badger had to do 573 post-score pushups Saturday.
You know you're in a blowout when the opponent's mascot is in better shape than your team.

A video was posted online of a woman vandalizing a Boston Garden restroom.
When did the Bruins put Chuck Berry in charge of security?

No matter who starts for the Dolphins, another Chad is going to be left dangling in Miami.

Allen Iverson sat out his Turkish basketball league debut between Besiktas and Oyak Renault.
The news briefly had the game taken off the board at Bocamel.com.

The NCAA ruled Enes Kanter permanently ineligible, saying he received extra cash benefits while playing for a club basketball team in Turkey.
Kentucky will appeal the ruling, claiming $33,000 is nothing and Kanter's dad needed the money to help renovate a mosque.

A "zombie virus" has disabled millions of cel phones in China.
With all the exports coming from China to the U.S. these days, Brett Favre wonders why that couldn't have been one, too.

It must be fall: we've turned the clocks back an hour and Yao Ming is injured.

Tim Tebow is publishing an inspirational memoir titled "Through My Eyes".
It will be available in book form, by Kindle, and serialized on his eye black strips.

The Detroit Lions said Ndamukong Suh is their backup kicker because he grew up playing soccer.
This is like choosing your financial adviser because he grew up playing Monopoly.

The NHL is changing its All-Star Game format, with captains from each conference taking turns picking players.
Sidney Crosby has already yelled out "Second captain, first pick!"

Now that the coach is gone, there are only 3 suspects left to answer the question "What's wrong with the Cowboys?": it's either the GM, the president or the owner.

Caught the T.Ocho Show.
I prefer Tony Randall and Jack Klugman as The Odd Couple.

Is the Michigan-South Carolina Upstate basketball game part of the Big Ten-Atlantic Sun Challenge?

The controversy over Dolphins LB Channing Crowder claiming Ravens RB Le'Ron McClain spat in his face has been solved.
Apparently, Lou Holtz was broadcasting the game.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones: "People are going to suffer."
Uh-oh, is Dr. Evil about to incinerate Number 2 again?

Ruth's Chris Steak House serves their steaks on 500 degree plates.
Manufactured by the same company that makes Notre Dame's coach's chair.

After the 1-7 Dallas Cowboys lost to Green Bay 45-7 Sunday night, South America said: "You can have them back."

Really sad seeing the '72 Miami Dolphins celebrating after Zenyatta lost.

New York Mets clubhouse manager Charlie Samuels admitted to betting on baseball.
If he bet on the Mets, that is punishment enough.

Utah will visit USC in the new Pac-12's opening game next September.
Intriguing matchup: multiple wives vs multiple agents.
Who will control the purse strings?

Horse racing is disappearing from TV, so they decided to add MMA to the Breeders' Cup.

At this rate, Steelers LB James Harrison will break bones and even this season.

Money swirling around a high-level SEC recruit?
What's next - pro cyclists doping?

Penn State coach Joe Paterno goes for #400 this weekend.
That's wins, not diaper changes.

The New York Knicks postponed a game after hazardous debris fell at Madison Square Garden.
What - is Chris Duhon back shooting again?

The Big East voted to expand its number of football-playing schools to 10.
The number of basketball schools will stay steady at an entire NCAA regional tourney bracket.

A Chilean miner who ran 6 miles a day to keep in shape while trapped is running the NYC Marathon.
This is the first use of underground tunnels in marathoning since Rosie Ruiz.

Teams in China are searching for a mythical creature said to resemble a 7-foot tall orangutan.
Watching the hunt closely are fans of the paranormal, cryptozoologists, and the New York Knicks.

The BC Lions have released their own energy drink named "Roar".
If it was tested by their players this season, shouldn't it be called "Snoar"?

Bud Selig said baseball may be entering a new era of playoff expansion.
The Texas Rangers are experiencing playoff ERA expansion.

Troy Smith is starting at QB for the 49ers in London?
This is like those soccer matches in North America where the European and South American teams let their drivers and hairdressers play.

Buccaneers TE Jerramy Stevens was released by the team after he was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana.
Officers knew he was high when he spelled his first name.

Bad news for Brett Favre: he has a stress fracture in his left ankle and his record consecutive press conference streak could be in jeopardy.

Allen Iverson signed to play in Turkey.
I guess it's safe to say he won't become a practicing Muslim.

Sony announced it is discontinuing its cassette Walkman after over 30 years.
Joe Paterno is going to have to revise his Christmas wish list.

The Miami Heat have figured out how to get from 17 players down to the league-mandated 15.
They signed Jerry Stackhouse, who will likely take out two guys in practice.

If the D.A. presses charges in that Montreal-Hamilton junior football brawl in the stands, the defense will be: "If the touque don't fit, you must acquit".

Shaquille O'Neal spent over an hour posing as a statue in Harvard Square.
Big deal. The Knicks' Eddy Curry has been doing that on the court for years.

JoePa also thinks the best way to get rid of computer viruses is to go back to the abacus.

Joe Paterno said the best way to deal with the head-to-head hit problem is to get rid of facemasks.
The American Dental Association endorsed his position and added this could be the best Halloween ever.

All One-Man-Law-Firm Team nominees: the New England Patriots BenJarvus Green-Ellis and the New Jersey Devils Pierre-Luc Letourneau-LeBlond.

A crazed stalker jumped onto the field at Yankee Stadium during Game 3, later telling authorities he wanted to confront Alex Rodriguez about his relationship with Cameron Diaz.
ESPN already has a 30 for 30 ready to go on this next week.
It's called There's Something About Mary.

The NBA has banned a new basketball shoe called Concept 1, whose company claims can add 3 and a half inches or more to a vertical leap.
Steve Nash isn't going to like this.

Former star NFL LB Junior Seau says he fell asleep before his car drove off a seaside cliff.
Lesson: don't drive while listening to midterm election debates.

The Florida Gators next game is versus the Georgia Bulldogs in The World's Largest Outdoor Pity Party.

FIFA is examining evidence from a UK newspaper that Nigeria and Tahiti tried to sell their upcoming World Cup votes.
Craigslist or StubHub?

Auburn beat Arkansas 65-43.
College basketball seems to be starting earlier every year.

Terrell Owens was fined $5000 by the NFL for tweeting too close to kickoff.
The good news for T.O. is he just became the mayor of Paul Brown Stadium on Foursquare.

Compared to the ALDS, attendance at Tropicana Field is not expected to dip much for the ALCS.

With a vote, Ole Miss chose a black bear as its new mascot.
Maybe they could have compromised with the faction that wanted Colonel Reb back and picked a polar bear.

In an article in Sports Illustrated, an agent described how he provided money to Ryan Leaf in college.
Around the same time, he provided seed funding for Pets.com.

Sprinter Tommie Smith, who won gold at the 1968 Mexico City Summer Olympics, is selling his medal.
Can you blame him? Have you seen the price of gold these days?

Brett Favre asked to be put into the Chilean mining rescue capsule and lowered.

That was an ugly little incident between the Islanders James Wisniewski and the Rangers Sean Avery.
Thankfully, Brett Favre wasn't there to record it on his cell phone.

Rays fever gripped Tampa after they knotted their series with Texas at 2-2.
Their plane was welcomed home at TPA by 5 cabbies.

Brett Favre has no comment on reports he pursued two team massage therapists.
He's just hoping for a happy ending to the story.

What is with all these Brett Favre rumors?
What happened to "I'll always be true to you, Mary"?
I guess that was just great acting.

With 12 more medals Thursday, it looks like Canada may achieve its Commonwealth Games goal of finishing ahead of the U.S. in the medal standings.

A Browns Stadium security guard who ogled a female fan in the stands Sunday took out a Craigslist "Missed Connections" ad to try to meet her.
Coincidentally, that's also how Cleveland found Jake Delhomme.

Tour de France winner Alberto Contador has now tested positive for a chemical found in plastic IV bags like the ones used for blood-doping.
It's probably just from the sandwich bag the tainted meat was in.

Kansas coach Turner Gill has banned his players from seeing women after 10pm during the week.
Boy, there's a loophole in that curfew you could drive a Pride Parade float through.

Michael Vick's comeback continues: he just won the NFC's Most Offensive Player of the Month award.

The CFL's Touchdown Atlantic was so successful, the NHL is now thinking of scheduling a regular season game between the Red Wings and Blackhawks in Toronto.

The Tampa Bay Rays are giving away 20,000 free tickets to their home finale.
The next step is to offer to pick people up at their homes in Tampa and drive them to the park and back.

The San Francisco Giants complained to the commissioner's office that the Colorado Rockies might be using "juiced balls".
Considering they were the home of Barry Bonds for the last 15 years of his career, the Giants should be considered experts on the subject.

Albert Haynesworth says he doesn't like the spotlight and just wants to "go to Wal-Mart and hang out".
If he keeps that up, he might get his wish once the playoffs start.

Headline: 30-team trade involving Carmelo Anthony gathers momentum.

David Beckham is suing the U.S. magazine In Touch over outrageous claims.
They allegedly reported the soccer star is making $6.5 million a year and over the past 3 seasons has scored 7 goals.

The Capitals and Penguins will be featured in a HBO reality show.
The Coyotes are also getting their own reality show; Survivor: Arizona.

The Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins are going to be featured on a HBO reality show.
Gary Bettman hopes it's going to be set in Las Vegas or a Caribbean island.

Bad news for Braylon Edwards: on Sunday he's likely going to have to sit out the first few songs of the ZZ Top concert.

Sunrise, FL - home of the Florida Panthers - disappeared from Google Maps for the 3rd time.
Is this endemic to Florida sports? No one's ever been able to find Tropicana Field.

NY Jets WR Braylon Edwards was arrested for DUI.
If it's anything like the rest of his career, the charges will be dropped.

The notoriously absentee MPs showed up in full force to preserve the long-gun registry by a 153-151 vote.
You won't see a contest decided by numbers that high in Ontario again until the Raptors host an NBA All-Star Game.

Visiting officials have expressed shock over the condition of the Athletes Village on the eve of the Commonwealth Games in Delhi.
Apparently, construction crews built an authentic Indian village.

Patrick Kane surprised a fan by personally delivering a car to the winner of a Blackhawks contest.
He was then stranded, as no cabbie would give him a ride home.

The FBI arrested a terror suspect after he left a fake bomb near Cubs offices in Chicago.
Isn't one Wrigley Field disaster a season enough?

Derek Jeter has his eye on the hardware: the Commissioner's Trophy and a Golden Globe.

The State Department has issued new travel warnings for northern Mexico, Israel and the New York Jets locker room.

Reggie Bush has returned the 2005 Heisman Trophy, saying he doesn't want to stain the dignity of the award.
Don't worry, Reggie, another USC running back already took care of that.

The NFL needs a feel good storyline after a dismal opening week.
Oh look, Mike Vick might have his first start after getting out of prison.

Ryan Leaf says he may be planning a comeback at age 34.
MMA or Dancing With The Stars?

Floyd Mayweather, Jr. was jailed briefly on a felony charge after his ex-girlfriend alleged he beat her during an argument.
Did he require her to take a blood test before they fought?

The NCAA is reportedly investigating violations with Tennessee basketball.
What did they do: send recruits a "Rocky Top"-singing Big Mouth Billy Bass?

LeBron James will attend the Miami-Ohio State football game.
I guess it's safe to say he won't be dotting the decimal point in Script Ohio.

Tom Brady got a 4-year extension from the Patriots.
Just in time, as his car insurance premiums are going up.

The NOAA says it has found no evidence of any "dead zones" along the Gulf Coast.
Dan Hampton says just wait until after the Vikings visit.

The Heisman Trophy Trust says there is no change in the status of Reggie Bush's award.
The trophy is still at Bush's on the weekends and with Kim Kardashian during the week.

Pittsburgh Steelers players declined to re-elect Ben Roethlisberger as a captain.
In other news, Lindsay Lohan was not elected president of the Screen Actors Guild.

Hamilton Tiger-Cats beat Toronto Argonauts 28-13 in The Battle For Wayne's World.

North Dakota State racked up 10 first downs and 168 yards of offense in a 6-3 win at Kansas.
It's a bad sign when the most exciting part of that Saturday is the drive home.

QB Jeremiah Masoli had his debut for Ole Miss, going 7-10 passing for 109 yards and 1 INT, and breaking his previous record of two hard drives.

Now that the booze has worn off, I bet the L.A. Kings wish the NHL would void Willie Mitchell's contract.

The latest MMA rankings are out, and the Washington Nationals Nyjer Morgan has passed James Toney.

The Steelers' Troy Polamalu has taken out a $1 million insurance policy on his hair with Lloyd's of London.
That's the same company that insures Paris Hilton's nasal septum.

Gmail users placed 1 million calls in 24 hours.
Half of those were from Manny Ramirez's agent.

Jim Furyk was disqualified from the Barclays for oversleeping his tee time.
Pro golfers really need to stay away from beds.

Reports say police working the Vancouver Olympics earned $80 million in overtime.
Or, when all is said and done, probably about the same as Sidney Crosby.

Bobby Bowden says he was "pushed out" by Florida State.
At least it wasn't from his practice tower.

The Vuelta is starting on Saturday night with a 10:00 team time trial in Seville.
Won't that conflict with the dinner hour?

Kurt Browning's house caught on fire after he tried to dry car seats with a leaf blower.
The only experience most figure skaters have with leaf blowers is drying their hair.

Tony Dungy has patched things up with Rex Ryan.
He sent him a note and a gift of DVD copies of The Big Lebowski and Glengarry Glen Ross.

The Little League World Series is presented by Frosted Flakes Reduced Sugar.
Shouldn't they be testing for this by now?
Bill Lee, Dock Ellis and Dwight Gooden wouldn't touch that stuff.

Miami Heat F Udonis Haslem was pulled over and charged with marijuana possession, illegal window tint, and going 0-for-13 in career 3-pointers.

Shaquille O'Neal signed to play his last two years in Boston.
He will also serve as one of the Patriots goal posts.

Headline: NBA sending Raptors, Nets to London for 82 regular-season games.

The Ilya Kovalchuk decision could have repercussions.
Others with contracts now under review include Roberto Luongo, Marian Hossa and Jimmy Fallon.

Boise State's football coach has banned players from using Twitter for the season.
How ironic that Chris Petersen has said "get a life".

How can the first pitch of a baseball game be a changeup?

LeBron James thanked his fans in his first public appearance in Akron, Ohio since leaving Cleveland for the Miami Heat, at his annual "King For Kids" charity bike-a-thon.
After cycling the one-mile course, James tested positive for PR coaching.

The New York Knicks hired Florida International University head coach Isiah Thomas as a consultant.
After his 7-25 record with the Golden Panthers last season, it's clear Thomas hasn't missed a step since his NBA management days.

Detroit Lions president Tom Lewand was suspended by the NFL for 30 days after a DUI.
Under the terms, he cannot represent the Lions publicly, and must stop acting as Dennis Rodman's chauffeur.

Floyd Landis was among the leaders in the Tour of the Catskills.
The bad news is he tested positive for borscht.

The guy who intentionally vomited on a man and his 11-year-old daughter at a Philadelphia Phillies game was sentenced to up to 3 months in jail.
He was also named Phillies Fan of the Month.

The NBA will broadcast a 1-hour TV special Tuesday to announce "key games" on opening week, Christmas, and Martin Luther King Day.
Maybe they can double-bill the show with CSI: Memphis.

Redskins DT Albert Haynesworth failed his 2nd straight conditioning test at training camp, and says he's "tired of the B.S.".
For his sake, I hope he means beer and sausage.

Cowboys rookie WR Dez Bryant is out 4-6 weeks with a high ankle sprain.
The injury occurred while he was dancing to provide Roy Williams with dinner entertainment.

Comic-Con says they'll have an announcement in August on whether or not they stay in San Diego or move to L.A. or Anaheim.
Will this be a joint presser with Brett Favre?

Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos agreed to a 5-year contract.
Details of the deal will be announced on Tebow's eye black.

Do spills come in threes? Gulf, Michigan, Pitino...

QB for B.C. Lions = drummer for Spinal Tap

Diego Maradona is available as a soccer coach.
Let the MLS bidding war begin!

A federal prosecutor said a Kentucky woman accused of extortion tried to ruin Rick Pitino's reputation.
Hey, he recruits high school basketball players for a living - don't drag him into the world of shady phone calls and illicit money changing hands.

The BBC says the budget of the 2012 London Olympics is 10,000 times that of the 1948 London Olympics.
Maybe the New Jersey Devils can help spread the costs out a bit...

Belgium's Johan Vansummeren crashed coming out of the start ramp at the Tour de France's decisive time trial.
That's what happens when you host a stage in the heart of Bordeaux.

Good thing Dez Bryant wasn't drafted by the Packers.
"Kid, ride your own bike."

Is the Seattle Mariners dugout the new Las Vegas?
After a brawl erupted between innings, M's manager Don Wakamatsu said: "What happens in there stays in there."
First they're hosting fights, now they're stealing tourism slogans.

Miami and Notre Dame are renewing their football rivalry for the first time since 1990, when Lou Holtz was the Irish coach and the Hurricanes erected a spit window along the opposing sideline.

Penny Hardaway wants to play for the Miami Heat?
This guy is more ring-hungry than Gollum.

An Ohio woman tried to sell a $10,000 pendant stolen from the CEO of LeBron James marketing company.
No wonder Team LeBron is moving to Florida in search of jewelry.

Bob Arum announced a midnight press conference to address the status of a Mayweather-Pacquiao bout.
Further proof fight promoters are vampires.

The CIA is concerned about increased activity by the Taliban, al-Qaeda, and the Tennessee Volunteers football team.

The director of a kids sports camp was disappointed when Michael Vick pulled out at the last minute, saying his camp was "built on integrity and character, and that's what we teach our kids".
Luckily, Tiger Woods was available as a replacement.

Argentinian supporters want to eat Germany's Paul the Octopus in an act of World Cup vengeance.
Imagine what the residents of Cleveland could do to Miami's seafood stock.

Happy Birthday, O.J. Simpson.
Time to cut the cake.

After the Big 3, the Miami Heat's roster is going to resemble the Washington Generals.

The "controlled substance" JaMarcus Russell was arrested for being in possession of was a type of syrup?
We all knew pancakes would be his downfall.

Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi was arrested at Nathan's 4th of July hot dog eating contest.
He won't be in jail for long as New York state cannot afford to feed him.

Betty White is wooing LeBron James to stay in Cleveland.
It's not her first interaction with the sports world: Chris Chelios gave her career advice for years.

Columbian police seized a replica of the World Cup trophy bound for Spain at the airport - made of 24 pounds of cocaine.
Wouldn't that be a suitable reward for a tournament that's been officiated by referees who seem to be on drugs?

The Knicks pitch to LeBron James - that it's about exposure and entertainment, not just NBA titles - is the same one the Harlem Globetrotters gave him.

The Chicago Blackhawks are dispensing players around the NHL like Russian sleeper agents.

Australia's 2022 World Cup host bid may be in trouble after revelations about lavishing gifts on FIFA delegates and paying exorbitant sums to soccer lobbyists.
Times have changed: they used to entice the world to visit just by putting another shrimp on the barbie for us.

The L.A. Clippers sent out a statement saying they were "honored to be one of the select organizations to have been invited to meet with LeBron James".
Maybe he wants to buy them after he signs his next contract.

Got my Facebook invite to Michael Vick's 4th of July party.
Should be a fun day: gun range, dog-racing track, and then dinner at a strip club.

The New York Knicks are hoping to organize a free agent valley meeting with Shaun Livingston, Matt Bonner and Brad Miller.

Brazil's soccer team has fewer last names than a swingers party.

Three UCLA freshman football players were arrested after they allegedly stole a woman's purse.
Did they run out of eye black?

Carlos Zambrano went out for dinner with Ozzie Guillen after his suspension-causing dugout blowup?
Probably just trying to get a recommendation on a good yoga class.

UCLA coaching legend John Wooden was remembered at a moving memorial in Pauley Pavilion.
In accordance with his final wishes, everyone attending the service was given an envelope stuffed with money.

The French government is launching an inquest into why their soccer team failed to advance in the World Cup.
What are they looking for: a second Bafana shooter behind a grassy knoll?

The security is in place, the power brokers are gathering, and the media is focused on Toronto.
I thought the NHL Draft was in L.A. this year?

Good thing Bud Selig doesn't run Wimbledon.
The Isner-Mahut 5th set would have ended up about 15-15.

The B.C. Lions had their first (preseason) game at the temporary Empire Fields stadium, which brought out a lot of fans waxing nostalgic over the fresh air, the hot dogs, the PNE location, and the $30 parking.

Since Nigerian midfielder Sani Kaita was red-carded during a World Cup loss to Greece he has received over 1,000 death threats via e-mail from Nigeria.
The good news is none of them asked for his bank account number.

Ivory Coast sounds like a pirate movie, or a nightclub at Disney World.

Objects in motion tend to stay in motion unless impeded by an outside force.
Was Newton talking about Manute Bol?

The Pittsburgh Pirates fired one of their 5th-inning perogy racers.
The event originated during a homestand against the Brewers when Prince Fielder was hungry.

The NCAA placed the University of San Francisco on probation for two years after discovering more than a dozen athletes spent scholarship money on textbooks and school supplies.
I miss the good old days when they got in trouble for spending it on beer kegs and lap dances.

USC's season-opening road trip to play Hawaii will go on as scheduled after the NCAA agreed to delay sanctions against a 13th game for one year.
Translation for high school players the Trojans are recruiting: "free Waikiki trip back on!".

Headline: Halfway through Russia-Morocco World Cup match, man realizes he's not watching the "FIFA" World Cup.

Another 0-0 World Cup toenailbiter.
Watching at the yoga studio.

Broadcasters around the world are experimenting with ways to filter out or reduce the droning noise from the vuvuzelas at the World Cup.
NBA fans are hoping ABC can do the same with Jeff Van Gundy.

The University of Waterloo Warriors will miss the entire 2010 season over steroid violations.
The Big 12 wants to talk to them about 2011 and wants to know: how many people in southern Ontario again?

A South African World Cup spokesman said the vuvuzela is now an international instrument, and visitors were "stuffing them into their suitcase" for the trip home.
It's time to raise the terrorism alert level.

Hopefully Greece's failure at the World Cup can help rally the country together.

Interleague play rocks!
It's great to see the renewal of that Rockies-Blue Jays rivalry.

When did Vesa Toskala start tending goal for England?

After watching Day 1 of Group A, I don't think Pizza Hut's in danger of running out of pies anytime soon.

The World Cup sounds like it is being produced by Irwin Allen.

EA Sports releases NCAA Football 11 on July 13.
Can you play USC in probation mode?

Seattle Seahawks rookie WR Golden Tate snuck into a closed donut shop at 3:00am to snack on freshly-baked goods.
His college coach at Notre Dame, Charlie Weis, says he has no idea how Tate learned such behavior.

The latest on college football conference expansion: the Big Ten is talking with the Detroit Lions.

How many kids does Yuri Foreman have, and are they all named Yuri?

Colorado's Athletic Director says his school is on the verge of a Pac-10 invite.
What he doesn't know is: it's only for the ski team.

David Stern has said there will be no "summit meeting" of top NBA free agents.
Of course, he may just be saying that so as not to hurt Wizards swingman Mike Miller's feelings.

Jim Joyce: worst blown call since...Dubya's "Mission Accomplished"?

Chad Ochocinco is taping his own dating series called Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.
O.J. once had a similar reality show named World's Deadliest Catch.

The Detroit Tigers traded pitcher Dontrelle Willis to Arizona, and agreed to pick up the shipping costs on the bag of baseballs coming back for him.

Does Tigers reliever Ryan Perry moonlight on BP's spill management team?

The Florida Marlins are selling unused tickets for Roy Halladay's perfect game at face value.
Make sure you order early to get a good seat.

The celebs were out in full force Saturday night for the Klitschko-Sosnowski WBC heavyweight championship bout in Gelsenkirchen, Germany.
Mr. Perogy was there, and also the Borscht King.

L.A. Angels 1B Kendry Morales broke his leg after jumping on home plate to celebrate a game-winning grand slam.
It was the worst landing since the plane in that Heineken commercial.
Even Scott Hamilton and the Russian judges agree on that.

Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals featured more goals than an Amway sales convention.

NBA Stat of the Week: the Magic's Rashard Lewis made fewer shots (3) Friday night than the Grizzlies' Zach Randolph had cars impounded by the police (4).

Columbia's national soccer team was robbed by workers in its South African hotel.
I think that's all part of the "Crime Relay" to celebrate the opening of the World Cup.

The Philadelphia Phillies scored their first run in 31 innings, ending the longest scoring drought since Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

The Arizona Diamondbacks bullpen had a 7.42 ERA through its first 46 games.
Yet it's only the 2nd leakiest BP in the country.

Argentina coach Diego Maradona said he will run naked through the streets of Buenos Aires if his team wins the World Cup.
That sounds about as appealing as sitting through a MacGruber-Sex And The City 2 double bill.

Madison Square Garden is going to install "sky bridges" for a thousand fans to watch from five stories above the playing floor.
This might not be the best idea for the Knicks suicidal fanbase.

The promoter for the Rafael Marquez-Israel Vazquez fight at the Staples Center in LA Saturday night said the crowd would have been bigger without the Tour of California's time trial snarling traffic downtown earlier in the day.
You know boxing's fading in popularity when they blame a cycling race for affecting their attendance.

San Jose Sharks fans had to sit through two Lost finales in one day.

The Colorado Rockies' Jason Giambi is suing a North Vancouver businessman for failing to deliver on an expensive web site he hired him to develop.
Surprisingly, the site has nothing to do with supplements or tattoo removal.

Apa, a Nepalese sherpa who lives in Salt Lake City, set a world record by climbing Mount Everest for the 20th time - this time to collect garbage, a growing environmental problem on the mountain.
Maybe BP can get him interested in swimming.

Voters in Santa Clara, CA will decide on June 8 whether to build a new stadium to house the 49ers.
If the move is made, NASA would take over Candlestick to conduct Martian winter windstorm simulations.

A grotesque, unidentified animal washed ashore at a lake in northern Ontario.
It was the most disturbing new creature since London unveiled the 2012 Games mascots earlier in the week.

I'm not saying he's flailing at targets, but Floyd Landis has now accused Keith Richards of doping.

The FBI has released a list of web sites most under threat by hackers.
It includes the Pentagon, the IRS, and Paul Pierce's Twitter page.

Versus the Lakers, the Suns have fewer answers than Sarah Palin on Jeopardy.

Florida Gators assistants will earn $2.66 million in 2010.
That's more than Tom Petty's Heartbreakers.

A Canadian doctor faces drug charges after visiting football players, including a number of the 5-11 Cleveland Browns.
Which leads one to ask: 1) What was he injecting them with?, and 2) Was this a plot to takeover by the CFL?

Stephen Strasburg at Triple-A is like Tom Hanks on Bosom Buddies.

The Belmont Stakes field has less star power than a Cavemen convention.

Huge leak threatens jobs, environment: Gulf of Mexico or the Seattle Mariners clubhouse?

The good news for Arizona hockey fans is they'll have the Coyotes next season. The bad news is the way things are going the roster may only be American players.

Hideki Matsui has reached baseball's exclusive double-1500 club: 1,500 career RBIs and 1,500 porn DVDs.

The Oakland Raiders released JaMarcus Russell, who ironically exhibited less mobility than Fats Domino.

The Yankees-Mariners games on July 10/11 will be broadcast in 3D.
James Cameron will direct the telecasts and the games are expected to each last 6 hours.

Citizens Bank Park police found a unique way to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the Kent State shootings.

A suspicious car was found in Times Square by authorities.
Is NASCAR hoping to create a New York City race?

Great battle this weekend for the title of "The Most Exciting Two Minutes In Sports": The Kentucky Derby or the start of the CFL Draft?

LA Lakers F Adam Morrison wins the NBA's 15th Man Award.

Major League Baseball announced a big Twitter crackdown, asking MLB.com beat writers to refrain from posting about non-baseball topics, and warning players about Twitter usage in general.
Great: now I'm not going to get Milton Bradley's tips right as we head into gardening high season.

Was that the NFL Draft or Wagner's Ring Cycle?

A Pennsylvania man is accused of murdering his wife and setting their house on fire after an argument about the Penguins-Senators 3OT playoff game.
Dude, it's only the first round.

A prototype of the next generation iPhone was found in a bar.
Tech bloggers are fascinated by the camera flash, an improved battery, and the drunken-Jerry Jones-rant ring tone.

The Baltimore Orioles magic number is 911.

Sketchiest flight: Tehran-Reykjavik, and Ben Roethlisberger's on the plane.

Experts say more CO2 will come out of that Icelandic volcano in the next week than the whole human race will emit in an entire year.
Does that include Chad Ochocinco?

There's no truth to the rumblings that the higher-than-expected NBA salary cap announced Friday was designed to help the New York Knicks.
The press release from the league was presented to attending media in frozen envelopes.

A man was jailed for intentionally vomiting on Phillies fans during the Nationals 14-7 loss to Philadelphia Wednesday.
Are they sure it was intentional? Have you seen Washington starter Craig Stammen pitch?

CNN released its annual list of the world's most dangerous cities.
Shouldn't they have waited until they saw the Pittsburgh Steelers road schedule?

Tim Tebow wants to know if we can all have a minute of silence for the eye-black message in college football.

The University of Kentucky's 2010 basketball recruiting class simultaneously signed their LOIs and declared for the 2011 NBA Draft.

The USGA said it received Tiger Woods official entry for the U.S. Open Monday.
He was going to text it in but he was already over his rate plan for the month.

Umpire crew chief Joe West called the lengthy Yankees-Red Sox games "pathetic and embarrassing".
Sounds like someone's upset about losing post-game dinner reservations.

Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers pleaded not guilty to a felony charge of carrying a loaded handgun in his airplane handbag.
Maybe he claimed it belonged to the 2nd seat he had to purchase.

Tiger Woods is now sporting a goatee.
Is he hoping no one recognizes him at The Masters?

The Earth Hour power down was observed all over the west coast Saturday night: from 8:30-9:30 the Vancouver Canucks power play went 0-for-3 in a loss at San Jose.

Ah, spring: March Madness, the NHL stretch run, and Kerry Wood going on the disabled list.

Health care reform is the most controversial drafting of a bill since J.P. Losman.

Seeking to leave years of controversies over guns, strippers and alcohol behind him, Pacman Jones is hoping for a fresh start in Detroit.

The new NFL OT rules are going to make Donovan McNabb and Rich Gannon's heads explode.

Tiger Woods hopes to make history with his comeback at Augusta: first golfer to win The Masters wearing an ankle monitor.

This might be the best play-in game name matchup ever.
It sounds like a Civil War battle site and Dan Aykroyd's character in Trading Places.

Disgraced sprinter Marion Jones, who was stripped of 5 medals and served prison time in a steroid case, has signed with the WNBA's Tulsa Shock.
Who knew her parole involved a witness protection program?

The 2014 Games slated for Sochi are said to be the best planned and most prepared in history.
Russian Olympic officials already know who will win the figure skating and ice dancing golds.

Martin Brodeur's stickwork against the U.S. looked like a blindfolded Mexican kid at a birthday party pinata.

Shark-jumping moment from the Olympics: German curlers fist-bumping after a good throw.

I think they should curl on the bobsled track.

Vancouver RCMP are investigating a theory that an oil slick on the road caused the 3-car crash in Vice-President Joe Biden's motorcade.
Or it may have been a North Korean biathlete behind a grassy knoll.

USC offered and received a commitment from a 7th-grade QB for the class of 2015.
The NCAA is currently investigating to see if Lane Kiffin sent him candy.

Officials will run 2,000 drug tests during the Vancouver Winter Olympics.
And that's just on the fans.

Did anyone else lose money on the Los Angeles Temptation - San Diego Seduction game?
I'd forgotten how the Seduction performed away from home on grass.

All-Star games have long fulfilled fans dreams of fantasy rosters, and the Pro Bowl didn't disappoint.
Just imagine: Matt Schaub and David Garrard on the same team!

The first 5,000 fans through the gate at the Pro Bowl get a milk carton with Bryant McKinnie's photo on it.

Kurt Warner caught me off guard with his retirement announcement.
I thought he'd called the press conference to announce he was changing his name to Trece.

Bad job: 2010 NFL Pro Bowl Program editor.

Prince's "Purple and Gold": was that supposed to inspire a football team to victory?
It sounded like a requiem mass for a Teletubby.

Oft-injured Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden apologized for nude photos of himself that have surfaced on the Internet.
In other news, Madonna announced a spring tour of Oregon.

The family of a member of the U.S.'s #1 ranked bobsled team lost $8000 in a rental scam at Whistler.
This is the most American money squandered on Olympics housing since the '98 hockey team lost their damage deposit in Nagano.

Headline: Erick Dampier and Theo Ratliff unsuccessfully try to set up 14th-year players vs 15th-year players game at NBA All-Star Weekend.

Did we really need a total-body scanner at Toronto's Pearson Airport to reveal Maple Leafs goalies massive five-holes?

Just one more weekend to get out of the way and it will finally be time for the Pro Bowl.

The New York Knicks didn't get much sleep in Oklahoma City, claiming their hotel was "haunted" and "scary".
When did Reggie Miller become a hotelier?

According to People magazine, Tiger Woods has checked into a sex rehab facility in Arizona for several weeks, and should be out by Valentine's Day.
Is that really the best time to release him?
That's like a gambling addict recovering just in time for the World Series of Poker.

The Detroit Pistons Ben Gordon scored the NBA's 10 millionth point Saturday night.
As befits the Pistons these days, their opponent - the Philadelphia 76ers - then scored the 10 millionth first through thirteenth points in NBA history.

Four Washington Wizards were fined $10,000 for smiling or laughing on the basketball court.
The Harlem Globetrotters are rethinking their spring tour itinerary.

An anti-BCS ad will air during the BCS Championship Game.
This is like Gary Bettman making an on-camera appearance in the Stanley Cup finals.

Washington fired Jim Zorn by escorting him out of their offices at 4:45am?
That appears to be the most carefully executed Redskins game plan of the year.