A camera fell from the sky and landed on the field in Tempe, AZ late in the game Friday night.
Oklahoma ended up beating Iowa 31-14 in the Truman Bowl.

Reports say Terrell Owens is close to signing a contract with the Allen Wranglers of the Indoor Football League.
The only thing standing in the way is a competing offer from the Nerf Football League.

"Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows"?
Do they investigate BALCO?

Prolific ball-dropper Braylon Edwards has been cut by the San Francisco 49ers but is hoping to find work in Times Square on New Year's Eve.

The Sheraton Hawaii Bowl continued Sheraton's tradition of having a great staff-to-guest ratio.

The NCAA ruled that Ohio State has to spend next year's bowl season at Barry Bonds' house.

No jail time for Barry Bonds.
Instead, he was sentenced to 30 days in his black leather recliner.

Major League Baseball passed a new rule banning players from having corporate logo tattoos.
There goes Derek Jeter's new FTD Flowers gift baskets endorsement.

Peyton Manning's comeback training is going well.
He hopes to return to the field in time for the Pro Bowl.

The Seahawks and Marshawn Lynch with a strong showing on Monday Night Football.
The post-game injury report mostly consisted of shoulder problems for Skittles marketing execs who high-fived themselves non-stop.

Lamar Odom was the NBA's 6th Man of the Year last season.
Ironically, Kim Kardashian hands out an identically-named award.

The Lakers traded Lamar Odom to the Mavericks for draft picks.
E! instantly dropped the reality series Khloe & Lamar, which will now be broadcast on the Cowboys Stadium JumboTron.

Reports say NL MVP Ryan Braun has tested positive for PEDs.
Also, Prince Fielder has tested positive for nachos.

Usually when a deal falls apart in L.A. it involves a faulty scale.

Good news for Tiger Woods: he finally won a golf tournament.
The bad news is the course included a miniature windmill as a hazard.

The Miami Marlins are trying to up their dismal attendance by narrowing their geographical parameters from a state to a city in hopes of making it easier for fans to find them.

Suspended Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh lost control of his car early Saturday morning in Portland, Oregon and hit a curb, light pole, drinking fountain and tree.
Suh is appealing the accident, saying he was just trying to get his balance.

The Nets Deron Williams Turkish league club Besiktas retired his number and had a night in his honor after he played 6 weeks with them.
Call it the Kardashian Award.

2000 Kentucky Derby winner Fusaichi Pegasus has sired a horse named Tebowing.
Handicappers expect this horse to start out slow but make its move after the three-quarters pole.

The NBA and the Players Association reached a tentative agreement, which they announced at a joint 3:40am press conference in New York.
The negotiations featured some of the latest hours since people were writing papers for the players in college.

Major League Baseball announced it will no longer allow the use of chewing tobacco when fans are present.
A number of players immediately requested a trade to a Florida team.

At the rate we're going, Roger Goodell and Ndamukong Suh will be meeting more often than the two NBA sides.

Ndamukong Suh said he was just trying to get himself "on balance".
I don't think we'll be seeing him on Dancing With The Stars anytime soon.

Mexican police stopped a car near the border carrying $15 million in cash.
It was believed the vehicle was travelling to Arizona to make an offer on the Phoenix Coyotes.

Vancouver authorities cleared out the Occupy tent camp on the art gallery's lawn.
They needed the space so visiting Blue Bombers fans have somewhere to stay for Grey Cup weekend.

Rough weekend on college campuses: police pepper-sprayed peaceful protesters at UC-Davis, while students in Eugene, Oregon were forced to watch a re-broadcast of their loss to USC.

Political correctness has hit the NHL: post-overtime penalty shots will no longer be referred to as "shootouts".
Instead, they will be called "taking turns".

The Houston Astros want to switch from being Nationals to American.
Just like half the people in Texas.

The Houston Astros will switch to the American League, starting with the 2013 season.
The move was applauded by Houston-area designated hitters, whose current unemployment rate sits at 100%.

The NBA situation is so desperate they've asked for help from the people putting together the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight.

Tuesday night the Phoenix Suns sent out an e-mail offering 30% off select season tickets.
Who's their marketing manager - a prince in Nigeria?

The NBPA rejected the owners "final" CBA offer.
You know a business model is messed up when people are going to Greece and Turkey for a more stable work environment.

The Dodgers signed OF Matt Kemp to the richest deal in NL history, $160 million over 8 years.
They would have given him more, but they're bankrupt.

Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was found alive by security forces in Venezuelan mountains.
Ramos sent signals to the police, who waved him off repeatedly before rescuing him.

Washington Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos was kidnapped in Venezuela.
The gang is demanding free Tommy John surgery for the pitcher on their drug league team.

Oklahoma unveiled a statue of former coach Barry Switzer.
It's a large, animatronic piggy bank.
If you drop money into it, the head looks the other way.

Auburn released documents relating to the NCAA's investigation into recruiting allegations surrounding Cam Newton.
The documents were released in an unmarked manila envelope left inside a trash can outside Jordan-Hare Stadium.

The Big East and West Virginia are suing each other.
The case will be decided on Family Feud.

There's been a backlash against the band Nickelback playing the halftime show of the Detroit Lions Thanksgiving game versus the Packers.
As an alternative, Canada has offered Justin Bieber or Celine Dion.
Clay Matthews would be the first Trojan Bieber's been in the same room with.

The Big East might add Boise State?
Wow - the sun never sets on the Big East empire.

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from the New York Nets Kris Humphries.
Just goes to show when couples are home together and not working they drive each other crazy.

Tim Horton's is the title sponsor for the 2012 NHL All-Star Game.
Will Don Koharski be the honorary referee?

Illinois-Penn State = postal chess on grass.

Recruits often text friends from the sidelines at big games.
At Illinois-Penn State they are calling their parents to come and get them.

Joe Paterno is watching from up in a box, calling down plays on Tony La Russa's bullpen phone.

I'm not sure who has worse aim: the Penn State QBs or the snowballs from the student section.

Generators and fuel were confiscated from the Occupy Wall Street protesters.
Of course they were: the Knicks management needs to get through the next few months.

The NFL plans to start using metal detectors at games.
Mostly for security purposes; but the Cardinals Bill Bidwell is looking for coins fallen out of fans pockets.

An 8-foot-tall Lego man washed up on a Florida beach.
The Miami Heat want to talk to him, and why not?
He probably has more mobility than Erick Dampier.

After zero NFL teams showed up to watch Terrell Owens workout, his agent Drew Rosenhaus said he'd get a video of the event to teams.
It will be available through Netflix.

MLB commissioner Bud Selig says the Red Sox and Cubs have until November 1 to decide on compensation for Theo Epstein.
The major hangup in negotiations for Epstein's move from Boston to Chicago is how much polar expedition clothing he needs to survive the winter.

The NBPA is convinced the league has an 82-game contingency schedule ready to go.
4-5 games for each team, then the playoffs? That sounds doable.

Rugby World Cup Final: All-Blacks versus All-Whites. Is France trying to sell us Glad trash bags?

The University of Texas Longhorns finally have a serious recruiting rival for the state's teens: Mexican drug cartels.

Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz with the worst handshake since the Potsdam Conference.

A couple has been charged with child endangering after leaving their 9-year-old foster son at a Cleveland Browns game.
Could have been worse: at least they didn't leave him at a St. Louis Rams game.

The National Basketball Players Association is apparently having trouble getting enough people coming out to their meetings.
Well, stop scheduling them for around 4:20pm.

The St. Louis Cardinals store at Busch Stadium is selling stuffed toy rally squirrels.
Richard Gere action figure sold separately.

At a press conference, NBA commissioner David Stern announced that the first two weeks of the season have been cancelled, and Greg Oden has suffered an undisclosed leg injury.

Does Penn State travel to games in a team DeLorean?

Boomtown Rats eliminated from Monday Night Football theme song consideration.

Ryan Kesler is out of the Vancouver Canucks opener.
His injury's healed, but he's been kidnapped by Sean Avery.

The NBA owners and players meet again Tuesday on what they agree is a very important day.
Fast Five is released on DVD.

Because of weather problems, it took the Yankees and Tigers two days to complete Game 1 of their ALDS.
This phenomenon used to be known as a Mike Hargrove at bat.

Kobe Bryant has a verbal agreement to play basketball in Italy during the NBA lockout.
Unfortunately, Silvio Berlusconi won't issue him a work visa unless he brings the Laker Girls.

A Montreal man walked around the world in 11 years.
He would have made it in 10, but Zdeno Chara smashed his head into a lamppost.

Seattle Sounders supporters showed up en masse for the closing match at the Vancouver Whitecaps' Empire Field, chanting and singing in the stands for two hours.
I don't think they knew it was BC Hydro Family Night.

Florida Marlins closer Leo Nunez has allegedly been playing under an assumed name.
Adam Dunn is considering doing the same next season.

NASA said the satellite debris is down; no one was hit except one little chunk that bounced off Jose Canseco's head.

The NBA players union is showing strong solidarity.
Stars have pledged to pool their marijuana supplies to help lesser players get through the lockout.

Four people were arrested in the burglary of Manny Pacquiao's L.A. home.
If they stole his karaoke machine they should be given full pardons.

Miami hopes to avoid the NCAA's death penalty, and Maryland was hit with Mr. Blackwell's from-beyond-the-grave penalty.

Indianapolis hired Jim Tressel as a game day assistant.
Upcoming Colts promotion: first 5000 kids through the gate get a free tattoo.

ESPN is working on a 30 for 30 doc on Buccaneers CB Aqib Talib titled "Stop, Or My Mom And I Will Shoot".

50 NBA players are set to participate in a September Vegas league.
Which is a third of the numbers of NBA players that will be in Vegas clubs and casinos.

President Obama is withdrawing 10,000 troops from Afghanistan and redeploying them to California stadium parking lots.

All buildings were evacuated on the Georgetown University campus Tuesday afternoon.
People can return after authorities conduct a search for earthquake damage and Chinese basketball players.

Terrelle Pryor says he won't appeal his 5-game suspension at the start of the NFL season.
Coincidentally, Week 4 also has Vegas hosting The Biggest Tattoo Show On Earth.

The Ohio State at Miami game September 17th has landed a title sponsor: Aladdin Bail Bonds.

The NFL is considering a series of rule changes that enact fines and suspensions for violating NCAA rules while in college.
I wonder if Pete Carroll gets a vote on this?

Kobe Bryant reportedly has offers of $1.5 million a month to play basketball in China.
Of course, no one's told him 45% of that will go to income tax.

Texas A&M can't get an invite to Google+.

Job that got a lot more complicated this week: background screener for Torchbearer applicants for the 2012 London Olympics.

Diana Nyad had to stop her marathon swim from Havana to Florida due to large swells and ocean currents.
There was no storm; the waves were caused by the wake from speedboats full of Cuban baseball players speeding towards the U.S.

Real Madrid signed Leo, a 7-year-old soccer prospect from Argentina.
He lists his biggest influences as Lionel Messi and The Smurfs.

I'm not saying Steve Williams has lost perspective, but he now says he's going to catch Nicklaus.

Major League Baseball issued a warning to players to stop using deer antler spray as PEDs.
Finally, an explanation as to why cougars are attracted to baseball players.

Tiger Woods former caddie Steve Williams is now going to write a tell-all book.
Woods hopes the book will be distributed exclusively through the Borders chain.

Sean Avery spent 7 hours in the slammer after allegedly shoving a police officer.
He was released after posting bail and producing a jailhouse fashion show.

The Patriots acquired Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco.
Are they trying to return to the Super Bowl, or land a reality series?

Manchester United won the MLS All-Star Match, thus securing home-field for England in next year's Olympic soccer tourney.

They had the lottery for the New York same-sex marriages.
The Knicks won it with a frozen envelope.

Bad timing award for the Toronto Raptors: one NBA player was quoted as saying he'd consider playing "in Europe or Canada" if the strike was prolonged.

There was a hangup Thursday night in the ratification of the owners' proposal.
It appears the Florida teams may have voted more than once.

The Orioles are so desperate for pitching, they just went out and signed Jonnie Marbles.

Japan won the Women's World Cup, despite at times looking like they had less game than a Tamagotchi.

One bad aspect of South Sudan achieving independence: Canada's world soccer ranking dropped another notch.

Chad Ochocinco said if the NFL lockout goes any longer, he hopes to play in the NBA this fall instead.

Charlie Sheen says he took drugs to improve his pitching for the filming of Major League.
We're expecting a similar revelation from Bill Lee regarding his Spaceman documentary.

The NBA lockout could potentially result in a 50-game season starting in January, where every game means something and all the teams are competing in a sprint for the playoffs.
There's a downside, too.

The Pittsburgh Penguins have reportedly reached an agreement with Jaromir Jagr: he will receive $2 million over 1 year to never grow that mullet again.

The hacker group LulzSec says it is disbanding and they will retire the number 01.

It was Mexican Police Bobblehead Night for the first 10,000 fans through the gate at the Rose Bowl Saturday night for the Gold Cup final.
The head is detachable.

After the NHL Awards show, the players whooped it up in Vegas.
Jeff Skinner was spotted at Chuck E. Cheese.

Are they overdoing it at the NHL Awards?
Gary Bettman won the Gary Bettman Trophy as top commissioner.

The Jazz can't decide what to do with their first-round pick Thursday.
They draft 3rd overall, after the Cavaliers and the Kardashians.

Rutgers University is taking the naming rights to its football stadium very literally.
The Scarlet Knights - who finished dead last in the Big East last year, scoring a mere 20 points per game - will now be playing in HighPoints Solution Stadium.

The Yankees Eduardo Nunez hit a double into a flock of seagulls at Wrigley Field.
It was the first time a hit had been anywhere near the '80s hair band in decades.

Let's hope Bethesda, Maryland gets through the weekend without any U.S. Open riots.

I hope Dallas does a better job of putting on a motorcade this time.

LeBron James has been outscored by Dirk Nowitzki 52-11 down the stretch during the finals.
This is the worst 4th-quarter performance since Enron.

Terrelle Pryor reportedly spent his Ohio State income on shoes, hats and belts. After he flunks out of the NFL, expect to see him in Sex and the City 3.

The SEC voted to limit football signings at 25 per year.
To $0 lease cars at local dealerships.

Derek Jeter is now just 16 hits shy of #3000.
It should be an exciting couple of months ahead.

U2 singer Bono was picked up hitchhiking in West Vancouver by Edmonton Oiler Gilbert Brule.
Bono almost got picked up a few minutes earlier by Gary Bettman, but he wouldn't get in the car after Bettman insisted on charging him a relocation fee.

If Ohio State football receives a TV ban, will it include Pawn Stars and Hardcore Pawn?

A roof overhanging Dodger Stadium caught fire during the L.A.-Florida game Saturday night.
Firefighters got it under control after declining an offer from Jonathan Broxton to help put it out.

The Boston Bruins won Game 7 of their conference final against the Tampa Bay Lightning by avoiding their Achilles' heel: going on the power play.

Roger Goodell says fans want an 18-game season.
What he fails to realize is, that's for the NBA.

They held a Save The Thrashers rally in the parking lot of Philips Arena.
Did you hear who showed up?
The Atlanta Hawks mascot and 200 fans...
of the Atlanta Hawks mascot.

Quite a week for last shows in Chicago: first Oprah, then the Bulls.
Where's the Blackhawks John Scott going to get his summer book recommendations?

The San Jose Mercury News ranked the Canucks-Sharks Game 5 as one of the top 10 toughest defeats in Bay Area history.
I'm surprised Prop 8 didn't make the list.

Chinese driver crashes in Indy 500 qualifying, ruins historic bid to end stereotype.

The NHL wants $170 million for the Atlanta Thrashers?
I think potential new franchise owners should wait for a Groupon.

Commissioner Roger Goodell says the NFL will contribute to the cost of the Vikings new stadium.
Yeah, they'll pay for the locks.

The San Jose Sharks play in HP Pavilion.
If it's anything like my laptop of the same name, look for a power outage in the middle of a game.

The UFC is now rewarding its fighters with bonuses for using Twitter.
Leave it to MMA to reward its athletes for managing to string together 140 characters.

The NFLPA wants a share of the league's work stoppage TV money.
No one's received that much money for doing nothing on TV since the cast of Jersey Shore.

Gary Bettman made a public appearance the other day.
He saw his shadow, so the Coyotes will stay in Phoenix for another year.

Ohio State and Miami will meet in primetime on September 17.
In what, auto racing?
Safe to say it won't be the Jeopardy! College Championship.

Rights groups say Syrian forces are using soccer stadiums as makeshift prisons.
Sort of like being a West Ham United fan.

The FBI released documents showing George Steinbrenner assisted them in a terror probe.
Apparently, the Yankees owner believed the terrorists were in a compound behind a 36-foot green left field wall.

A lot of empty seats for Canada-Norway.
Are the World Championships being co-hosted by Slovakia and Arizona?

The SEC has donated $500,000 to Alabama tornado victims.
Who are teenagers who can run sub-4.5 40s.

President Obama says he won't "spike the football" by releasing Osama bin Laden death photos.
Good thing his press secretary isn't Chad Ochocinco.

People in Michigan are sick and tired of spring snowstorms.
Especially those originating from Joe Pavelski's skates.

Federal election Monday: rare this past week to see a ballot without a Vancouver Canuck on it.

NHL playoff ratings are up all over the continent, except in Arizona where they lagged behind The Paul Reiser Show.

Some NFL players picked up side gigs during the work stoppage.
Ben Roethlisberger got an acting role.
He's starring in the upcoming movie Hobo In The Shotgun.

The NFL players are technically allowed back into team facilities Tuesday morning.
Sebastian Janikowski is camping out in line so he's the first one into the Raiders' fitness center.

A NFLPA spokesman said if the players could have written a first legal response to the lockout, that's exactly the one they would have done, though "it might not have been 89 pages".
Yeah, most of them didn't read 89 pages total in college.

U.S. District Judge Susan Richard Nelson ordered an end to the NFL lockout.
Of course she did; women across the country are horrified by the idea of their husbands wanting to spend time together on Sundays.

BYU forward Brandon Davies expects to rejoin the basketball team this fall after missing his team's NCAA tourney run by breaking the school's honor code through premarital sex.
Davies issued a statement saying he is looking forward to continuing his BYU education, playing basketball, and having more premarital sex.

The Cubs were angry after the Dodgers A.J. Ellis missed a sign and tried to steal a base up 8-1 in the top of the 5th.
Wow - I didn't realize no MLB team has ever come back from 7 runs down in the 5th inning.

Brandon Marshall's 1st wedding anniversary is coming up.
Gift suggestion: Nerf cutlery.

A robot failed at throwing out the first pitch of an MLB game, one-bouncing it to the plate.
The Mets signed him to a multi-year contract.

The NHL announced a new 10 year deal.
It will continue to be wildly inconsistent on its suspension rulings through 2021.

The Chicago Blackhawks top players are logging more ice time than Walt Disney.

Joe Paterno says he won't name a starting QB until the fall.
Won't or can't?

The Bruins Zdeno Charo missed game 2 against the Canadiens after he was hospitalized with dehydration.
Apparently, he needs to keep drinking his Haterade.

Word is Mike Tyson almost fought Brad Pitt in '89 when Pitt was dating Tyson's ex-wife Robin Givens.
How did this story even get out - doesn't it break the first rule of Fight Club?

Boston Pizza has temporarily changed the name of its 26 Montreal-area restaurants to "Montreal Pizza".
The company has an unusual guarantee.
If you don't get your order within 30 minutes, Zdeno Chara tries to decapitate the delivery guy.

The NBA fined Kobe Bryant $100,000 for "offensive and inexcusable" comments he made during Tuesday's game.
He said Luke Walton was a good player.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban wants to ban people not serving "company interests" from the locker room after games.
Is Caron Butler back hanging around?

Canada moved its leaders debate a day to avoid conflicting with the Bruins-Canadiens series.
The Green Party's Elizabeth May will spend the debate in the quiet room.

New Jersey Nets co-owner Jay-Z was fined $50,000 for visiting the Kentucky Wildcats locker room after their big NCAA tourney win over North Carolina.
That may sound like a lot, but we still don't know how much John Calipari's cover charge to get into the room was.

Manny Ramirez retired rather than face a 100-game suspension after his drug test came back labeled "Cheech & Chong".

During a traffic stop, Allen Iverson asked police: "Do you know who I am?"
Yeah, you're that guy who averaged 9 points a game for Besiktas Cola Turka.

Man United's Wayne Rooney was suspended for two matches when he swore into a Sky TV camera after scoring a goal.
The good news is Quentin Tarantino has cast him in his next film.

South Carolina suspended QB Stephen Garcia for the fifth time.
Apparently, they are using the SEC's "Six Strikes" policy.

LeBron James bought a co-ownership stake in Liverpool FC and has scheduled a TV special to announce which southern European beach city he will move them to.

Donald Trump will drive the pace car at next month's Indianapolis 500.
His hair will be tested for asbestos.

Butler's plane home to Indy missed the runway but everyone's okay.

Apollo 13 and Butler on long-range trajectories: "Houston, we've had a problem."

Worse job Monday: Charlie Sheen's PR manager or "One Shining Moment" editor?

The only thing proving tougher to move than the Phoenix Coyotes are Charlie Sheen tickets.

Wildlife biologists say the Victoria Azarenka-Maria Sharapova shriekfest in the Sony Ericsson Open final disrupted Key Biscayne bird habitats.

Bigger early April bomb in Detroit: the Tigers starting pitching or Charlie Sheen's live show?

Alabama will unveil a statue of Nick Saban.
Emil Faber wants to know what the plaque inscription will say: "Knowledge Is Bad"?

After hearing about a draft evaluation that said he has a "fake smile...enormous ego with a sense of entitlement...comes off as very scripted...(and) always knows where the cameras are and plays to them", Cam Newton has decided to launch a political career.

The Ohio State Buckeyes will be wearing camouflage helmets for their Spring Game.
I guess that's so NCAA investigators can't find them.

Canadian Green Party leader Elizabeth May is a little perturbed.
She can't get on TV yet broadcasters continue to air Edmonton Oilers games.

The NFLPA will begin paying players April 15.
Or as Auburn players entering the draft like to call it, "bridge financing".

4 elections in less than 7 years?
Canadian politics are starting to have as much year-to-year change as Kentucky's basketball roster.

A Dallas-area jeweler says Cowboys WR Dez Bryant owes him $246,000 in custom orders.
The NorthPark Center Mall hopes it's for a gem-studded belt.

The Horizon League...the Colonial Athletic Association...is this the Final Four or a bluegrass festival?

The city of Anaheim is trying to entice the Sacramento Kings to move and join their pro sports lineup of the Angels, the Ducks, and jousting at Medieval Times.

A coalition of Pacific Northwest pro sports teams have formed the Green Sports Alliance to promote practices such as recycling garbage.
The Seattle Mariners are leading the way by giving Milton Bradley another season.

The Knicks wore "Nueva York" jerseys Thursday as part of the NBA's Latin Night series.
How do you say "no team chemistry" en Espanol?

Headline: Barry Bonds' cab driver prefers jail to talking about Bonds' taxi rides

Anyone else surprised North America's first face transplant had nothing to do with Matt Cooke?

Barry Bonds' legal team outnumbers the government's 13-5, and has a payroll higher than the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Notre Dame's star WR Michael Floyd got a DUI after he failed three sobriety tests that consisted of standing on one leg, walking and turning around, and a finger count.
It was almost as bad as Maurice Clarett's combine performance.

CBS's NCAA tourney webcasts are a huge success.
The Kansas St.-Wisconsin matchup had the highest traffic for an online game in those states since Farmville.

LeBron James is helping lead a new stay-in-school initiative.
I hope it's more successful than Cavs owner Dan Gilbert's stay-in-Cleveland initiative.

Ohio State coach Jim Tressel requested he sit out the first 5 games of the 2011 season, and that no peas are in his mashed potatoes.

Roger Goodell e-mailed the NFL players Thursday, saying "each passing day puts our game at risk".
He also threatened to unfollow them on Twitter.

Glendale's mayor says they may seek a minor league hockey team if the NHL franchise leaves town.
Would they keep the Coyotes name and logo? That brand must be worth hundreds of dollars.

President Obama picked the #1 seeds to win each of the regions in his bracket.
Unfortunately for him, the Mideast region is not as predictable.

The Vancouver Whitecaps soccer team found itself in a controversy after it released a video of a nude model being body-painted with the team's colours.
It could have been worse: the video could have had a voice over by Gilbert Gottfried.

Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson is trying out with MLS squad Sporting Kansas City.
Maybe he will change his name to "Cero-cero".

Muhammad Ali asked Iran to release two American hikers held since 2009.
Evander Holyfield asked them if they had any old boxers interested in a match this summer.

Washington Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau, on injuries from hits to the head being part of hockey: "If you don't like it, don't come to the games."
Wow - who thought fans in Florida, Georgia and Arizona would lead a hockey protest?

First Four Fever is sweeping the country.
Night watchmen are calling in sick to work.

The NFLPA is encouraging incoming college players to boycott the NFL Draft.
Brady Quinn wonders where this idea was a few years ago.

Dwyane Wade won custody of his 8 and 3-year-old boys, who will move from Chicago to Miami.
His sons said they are looking forward to taking their pails and shovels to South Beach.

This is the year I am going to win my CBI and CIT pools.

After the Milwaukee Bucks scored 56 points against the Celtics, they applied to join the Big Ten Conference.

On Air Canada's threat to halt its NHL sponsorship over head hits, Gary Bettman said "it's just like the prerogative of our clubs that fly Air Canada to make other arrangements if they don't think Air Canada is giving them the appropriate level of service."
Yeah, I hate it when the flight attendants ram my skull into the overhead compartment.

LeBron James is reportedly being sued by an Atlanta nightclub for backing out of an appearance and then planning an event at a rival club.
Apparently, he failed to come through at the last minute.

No truth to the rumor the Miami Heat 30 on 30 will be directed by Neil Jordan.

Jay-Z and David Ortiz are reportedly feuding because Jay-Z has a nightclub called 40/40 and Big Papi has one called Forty Forty.
They're both going to be pissed when Miguel Cabrera opens his club Forty Ounces.

Two ex-University of Kansas officials got two years probation in a ticket scam case.
The courtroom was packed and scalpers were doing a brisk business for the sentencing.

The Secret Service beat the FBI 7-6 in their annual hockey game before a full house of 2500 in Arlington, Virginia.
It was the first hockey sellout of the year south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

ABC showcased the first regular season NBA game in Europe, featuring the Nets and Raptors.
They also brought over similar quality dramatic programming to sell: Detroit 1-8-7.

Canada was awarded the 2015 Women's World Cup after Zimbabwe was deemed too high a vuvuzela risk.

President Barack Obama said he hopes the NFL and the players can resolve things without him intervening because he's "got a lot of other stuff to do".
Like implementing a college football playoff, fixing the labor strife on Two And A Half Men, and camping out in line for iPad2.

The NHL playoffs must be approaching; the nightly scoreboard is starting to resemble binary code.

The Mets are looking for new loan sources.
How about Carson Palmer?

The chances of Major League Baseball making another substantial loan to the New York Mets are about the same as the franchise having a Bernie Madoff bobblehead night.

China blocked professional networking site LinkedIn.
And there went the hopes of Chinese replacement football players.

The King's Speech won Best Picture?
Ironic, considering LeBron's "The Decision" was the worst TV show of the year.

It was a good week for 20-year-olds: Milos Raonic, Trevor Bayne, and The Tragically Hip's Road Apples.

The Toronto Maple Leafs Joffrey Lupul got help from his large Twitter following to find the cellphone he left behind in a taxi.
I don't think that's the first time Bell Canada has lost a call.

The NHL's Heritage Classic in Calgary garnered strong TV ratings.
It was of special interest to scientists studying how Arctic ice breaks apart.

The chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee wants NFL owners to open their financial books to the players union.
Well, if anyone knows their way around murky financial claims it's politicians.

PerezOwens.com is alleging Kobe Bryant paid a mistress to live in Italy for a year.
Is that really the best place to hide from sex scandals?
Where did she stay - one of Silvio Berlusconi's villas?

The NHL All-Star Game used a system where the players chose up their own sides.
They got the idea from the NBA.

Auburn and Alabama students are planting "sister trees" on each other's campuses.
Oregon and Oregon State tried the same thing but the plants were confiscated by DEA agents.

Caltech men's basketball snapped a 26-year, 310-game conference losing streak.
The only people who can comprehend the magnitude of those numbers are Caltech students.

The only thing carrying a heftier price tag than Carmelo Anthony over NBA All-Star Weekend was Bryant McKinnie's bar tab.

Sri Lanka beat Canada by 210 runs at cricket's World Cup.
Sri Lanka's sports minister was so pleased, he promised the team a free cruise to Canada on a cargo ship.

20-year-old Trevor Bayne won the Daytona 500.
When I was 20 my parents finally let me go to the Go-Kart track without them.

Auburn hosted the largest gathering of tree-worshippers since Avatar.

The Penguins-Islanders brawls were so violent, after the game Roger Goodell tried to fine people.

Who's the genius that scheduled the NHL Heritage Classic, NBA All-Star Game and Bassmaster Classic all on the same weekend?

An Iowa high school wrestler defaulted his match against a female when he said his faith wouldn't allow him to fight a girl.
I guess he doesn't worship at the Church of Andy Kaufman.

Police arrested a crazed Alabama fan who poisoned 130-year-old oak trees on the Auburn campus.
I wonder if he'll be kept separated from all the ex-Auburn players in prison?

Pitchers and catchers have reported to spring training.
Next up: position players and Miguel Cabrera's attorney.

Tiger Woods was fined for spitting on the 12th green at the Dubai Desert Classic.
Shouldn't they have paid him? It was the first precipitation the course had seen in months.

Brazil's Ronaldo is retiring from soccer at 34, hoping to travel, spend time with his family and perhaps add a first or last name.

The Detroit Pistons are going to retire Dennis Rodman's number.
On April 1, they will raise a dress to the rafters.

The Cleveland Cavaliers finally won, so the new longest losing streak title goes to M. Night Shyamalan.

For the first time, all March Madness games will be broadcast with staggered start times on free TV.
The US economic recovery just took another big hit.
People will be using up sick days like they live in France during a flu outbreak.

Warren Moon is prepping Cam Newton for the NFL Draft.
Maybe we'll see him in Eskimos green and gold this fall.

The Super Bowl: in 7 years its gone from wardrobe malfunction to stadium malfunction.

A-Rod was upset that Fox showed Super Bowl shots of him being hand-fed popcorn by Cameron Diaz.
Better her than Victor Conte.

No wonder there was a lack of seat space at the Super Bowl - the Kardashians were there.

David Sills, the QB USC coach Lane Kiffin offered a scholarship to last year as a 7th-grader, has reaffirmed his verbal commitment to the Trojans at a press conference, choosing their lunchbox over Texas and Auburn ones.

A new bill might force the release of the Mayo Clinic's medical records of Lou Gehrig.
Wally Pipp's were scheduled to be released first but that researcher had a headache.

Super Bowl XLV was the most-watched TV show in history, beating out the MASH finale.
The Packers also broke the MASH unit's record for most people in an infirmary.

The 400 fans inconvenienced by the seating mixup at the Super Bowl will be rewarded by being able to visit Indianapolis next February.

One good thing came out of the Super Bowl halftime show: they were able to finish principal photography on Tron 3.

Disturbing trend for the NFL on CFL hand-me-downs: what's next in this sequence?
Cameron Wake...Black Eyed Peas...
Watch out, next year they'll send Rita MacNeil down for the Lingerie Bowl.

Sumo's latest scandals have exploded in Japan, where wrestlers have admitted match fixing and the Prime Minister called it a national embarrassment.
Some of the wrestlers may also have lied about their weight.

Top-rated OL recruit Cyrus Kouandjio can't decide between Alabama and Auburn.
Probably waiting to see which car dealership each school has a Groupon deal with.

Redskins DT Albert Haynesworth is accused of punching the driver of a car he was reportedly tailgating.
That's the closest he's gotten to an object he's pursued in a few years.

Groundhogs around North America failed to see their shadow Wednesday, which means the Toronto Maple Leafs should be eliminated from the playoffs in 6 weeks.

The NBA fined the Knicks $200,000 for illegal draft workouts between 2007-2010.
Based on Knicks draft history, I'd say self-sanctions were already in progress.

The Black Eyed Peas are keeping their Super Bowl halftime playlist a secret.
Wow - can you imagine if WikiLeaks got ahold of that?

Despite NCAA scholarship sanctions, USC brought in 30 new players.
Good to see Enron's accountants have found work again.

QB Mitch Mustain was the second former USC Trojan to be arrested this week.
They've done a great job of not slowing down despite NCAA sanctions.

Joe Paterno's first LOIs came in by carrier pigeon.

Allen Iverson is out with a calf injury until mid-March.
This is really screwing up my TBL fantasy team.
I may have to call up Enes Kanter.

National Signing Day Wednesday.
Or, as Auburn calls it, National Reorder Checks Day.

The only Texas driver able to make it to the Canucks-Stars game Tuesday night was the Zamboni operator.

There is reportedly a shortage of strippers in Dallas for the Super Bowl.
Pacman Jones says that is the final straw and there will be a players' strike in 2011.

The new Egyptian government is like the NHL All-Star Fantasy Draft if there was only one captain picking.

Has anyone looked at O.J. Mayo's stats this season?
Definitely "not guilty" of using performance enhancers.

Rafael Nadal got injured but "refused to withdraw".
Chicago Bears fans want to bring him in for a QB tryout.

Lance Armstrong says he has nothing to hide, and welcomes a probe from the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency.
In fact, they are welcome to come over after he tidies up for about 6 months.

Mid-winter rituals: pitchers and catchers and Peter Forsberg reporting.

Euro soccer score Friday: Hamburg beat Frankfurt 1-0 in Germany's Fast Food League.

Despite an estimated 93,000 fans that will be in Cowboys Stadium for Super Bowl XLV, official attendance is expected to surpass 100,000.
They will also count ticket holders watching on TV from an outdoor plaza, plus anyone Jerry Jones imagines in his head.

Auburn coach Gene Chizik won the Paul "Bear" Bryant College Coach of the Year Award, and the William Jefferson Clinton Denier of the Year.

FOX has rejected airing Ashley Madison's adultery dating ad during the Super Bowl.
The site will try again with the Golf Channel.

The Texas Longhorns are getting their own TV network with ESPN.
One of the first shows is CSI: Austin, as investigators try to figure out how they went 2-6 in conference last season.

There is speculation that the Detroit Red Wings put something in Evgeni Nabokov's contract to dissuade other teams from claiming him.
Dinner for two with Gary Bettman?

Auburn QB Cam Newton - against the advice of his accountant - announced he will enter the NFL Draft.

North Korea announced plans to hold its first international golf tournament, on a course where leader Kim Jong Il holds the record with a 38, including 11 holes-in-one.
Something tells me one of that course's hazards is a windmill.
Either that or secret police.

An article in the Minneapolis Star Tribune that our understanding of the zodiac may be off a month caused an online panic, with people tweeting that they had the wrong tattoos.
If true, the NBA may need to take a two-week All-Star break.

Auburn will have a title celebration in Jordan-Hare Stadium on January 22.
Cecil Newton is trying to sell the rights to Mississippi State to host it in Davis Wade Stadium.

Brett Favre's sister was arrested in a Mississippi meth lab bust.
Isn't it time she retired?

David Brandon's coaching-search skills made Bill Martin look like Indiana Jones.

Brandon attacked the "national search" with all the gusto of O.J.'s hunt for the real killer.

The NCAA put Texas Tech on two years probation after finding coaches and assistants sent nearly 1,000 inappropriate text messages to recruits.
Scratch "recruiting coordinator" from the list of possible post-NFL jobs for Brett Favre.

David Stern says that NBA fans boo LeBron James because he's good.
Maybe; but that doesn't explain why they boo David Stern.

Russia's world champion junior hockey team was thrown off their plane home out of Buffalo for "unruly behavior".
They were probably just upset the vodka bottles were so small.

Tiger Woods and Golf Digest magazine dissolved their relationship of 13 years, where Woods was a "playing editor".
He will accept a similar position with Maxim.

Khloe Kardashian and her husband Lamar Odom are getting their own reality series on E!
The eight-episode series is tentatively titled Khloe & Lamar Go To White Castle.

EA Sports Tiger Woods PGA Tour '12 video game will feature Augusta National for the first time.
There's even a divorce mode where you can only play with half your clubs.

The Cleveland Cavaliers offered the homeless man with the golden voice - an Internet sensation - a job.
But his star is rising so quickly he may take his talents to South Beach.

Roberto Alomar and Bert Blyleven were elected to the Baseball Hall Of Fame.
Both will be featured in the new "spitter" wing.

If you're having trouble playing as Ohio State or Auburn in NCAA Football 11, you need to learn the cheat codes.

Birds have been mysteriously falling dead out of the sky in the U.S.
The Saints, Chiefs and Packers hope the trend continues this weekend.

San Francisco was awarded the 2013 America's Cup yacht race, edging out Somalia's bid.

The Big East has 7 basketball teams ranked in the latest Top 25 poll.
Combined with football, the conference will have 7 teams ranked in the two sports.

I'm glad Brett Favre is retiring and not returning for another season and just phoning it in.

A Baltimore Orioles reliever is the main suspect after a fatal shooting in the Dominican Republic.
No doubt his lawyer will argue he was setup and not the finisher.

The Seattle Seahawks became the first NFL team to win a division title with a sub-.500 record on the same day a Volkswagen won the first stage of the Dakar Rally.

Rio de Janeiro unveiled its official logo for the 2016 Summer Olympics.
Appropriately, it resembles a string bikini bottom.

LeBron James is torn over whether or not to enter the NBA's Slam Dunk Contest next month in L.A.
Will LeBron take his talents to Venice Beach?
ESPN: it's time to air The Decision 2.

The Big Ten went 0-5 in New Year's Day bowl games.
For the record, the Leaders were 0-2 and the Legends 0-3.

The Florida Gators announced Charlie Weis as their new offensive coordinator.
State biologists are worried about the hiring's impact on the food chain of its fragile ecosystem.