What is this about Tiger Woods wanting to be a Navy SEAL?
Was the government planning a hit on Hugh Hefner?

The NFL is moving its opening game to Wednesday night to avoid a conflict with Barack Obama's scheduled speech at the Democratic National Convention.
The President really appreciates it, as he was worried he was going to have to skip the convention to watch the game.

Headline: "Mormons posthumously baptize Charlotte Bobcats".

Columbus offered Rick Nash to Vancouver at the trading deadline, but the Canucks rejected the Blue Jackets request of Cody Hodgson, Cory Schneider, three #1 draft picks, and this week's box office receipts of The Artist.

Georgetown beat Notre Dame 59-41.
Looks like the Fighting Irish are auditioning for the Big Ten.

For the first time, the Daytona 500 was postponed until Monday.
On lap 1 the drivers had to drop their kids off at school.

Moneyball may have gone 0-for-6 at the Oscars, but it wasn't baseball's biggest loser on Sunday.
After signing third baseman Ryan Zimmerman to a six-year, $100 million contract extension, that title went to the Washington Nationals.

No wonder Ryan Braun's samples didn't make it to Montreal on time: no one in MLB knows where that is anymore.

NL MVP Ryan Braun got out of his drug suspension because FedEx couldn't get his sample delivered to the lab for nearly 48 hours.
I see a bright future for FedEx as a Tour de France team sponsor.

Albert Pujols is unhappy with the Angels "El Hombre" billboard campaign around southern California, preferring that all forms of that nickname be reserved for Stan Musial.
Similar deal in Detroit, where Prince Fielder is concerned the Tigers "El Gordo" campaign snubs Dmitri Young.

The Elias Sports Bureau said Jeremy Lin is the first person since the merger to average at least 20 points and 8 assists in his first 10 career starts.
I've been hearing that a lot lately with basketball stats: "since the merger".
Are they talking NBA-ABA or Kardashians-Jenners?

The NFL is selecting 250 lucky fans to workout at the scouting combine this weekend.
To qualify, interested people had to write a short essay.
You know it's a fantasy camp since half the draft-eligible players couldn't do that.

Boston Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo threw a ball at a ref and hit him directly in the chest.
First call he got was from the league suspending him for two games.
Second call was from the Red Sox pitching coach.

The Boston Red Sox new JetBlue Park spring training facility in Fort Meyers, FL is called Fenway South.
Its got the exact same field dimensions, a 37-foot Green Monster in left, and a pub in the clubhouse.

What's going on in that Adidas commercial where the marching band is running down the street?
Are they escaping a hazing?

Little known fact: Pekingese Malachy, the Asian sensation who lit up Madison Square Garden, still sleeps in his brother's dog house.

Due to popular demand, Vince Carter's been added to the rosters for the NBA's Fading Stars Challenge.

The Glasgow Rangers filed for bankruptcy protection.
They're so desperate for money they've started selling William Wallace bobbleheads.

Chase Budinger, Paul George, Iman Shumpert and Derrick Williams...
Is this the NBA dunk contest or a witness protection program?

A Provincial Court judge has ruled there will be no video coverage of the Vancouver riot trials.
Which means it's getting slightly less air time than the Canucks on CBC.

Maryland quarterback Danny O'Brien is transferring, and doesn't have to sit out a year if he graduates this spring and enrolls in a master's program not offered at Maryland.
Like Fashion Design?

Hines Ward responded to reports that the Steelers were going to cut him by saying that their stadium was named after him and that it would be like the Packers cutting Curly Lambeau.

A young Asian Knicks star: Woody Allen must be in heaven.

The Big Ten is reportedly exploring a four-team playoff.
Is that to determine the Legends or Leaders division champion?

'80s Red Sox pitcher Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd admitted he pitched two-thirds of his starts high on cocaine.
Hey, look at the bright side: he was listed at 160 pounds and his average game lasted two hours.
Yes, I'm looking at you, Yankees starting staff.

Bruins goalie Tim Thomas blasted President Obama on birth control distribution.
Too bad there wasn't better access in Michigan in 1973.

Reports on Giants Day said there were a million people on the streets of Manhattan.
Isn't that a regular weekday?

Madonna is heading out on a lip-synching world tour.
During costume changes, the screens will show clips from the Pro Bowl.

The Knicks Jeremy Lin suddenly has the most fairweather friends of any Harvard man since Mark Zuckerberg.

It's a good bet M.I.A. will live up to her name at future Super Bowls.

Tom Brady set a new Super Bowl record, completing more passes in a row than Madonna in her prime.

The International Space Station crew got a live feed of the Super Bowl.
They watched the game with freeze-dried nachos and powdered beer.

Anti-bullying messages will be displayed on the jumbotrons during the Super Bowl.
Eli Manning wants to know where these were when the 49ers were sacking him 6 times.

Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall was the Pro Bowl MVP.
Winning the Pro Bowl MVP is like being named the best funk band in North Korea.

The Eagles LeSean McCoy admitted he didn't try at the Pro Bowl.
The players were confused: they thought whoever lost the game would get Andrew Luck.

Word is Jim Tressel is in talks with Akron.
Tattoo franchise opportunities?

I don't want to read too much into it, but the list of items banned from Lucas Oil Stadium Sunday includes beach balls, laser pointers, and Peyton Manning.