Did a 49er really speak out against gays?
This is like a Ravens player coming out against blue crabs.

If the Pro Bowl was any further off the public's radar, it would be in Area 51.
Why don't they just hold next year's game in The Bermuda Triangle?

Stevie Wonder will headline an outdoor concert in New Orleans on Super Bowl weekend.
Then return to his night job refereeing Big Ten basketball games.

President Obama said Thursday that "valor knows no gender".
Was that a comment on lifting the ban on women in combat, or the Manti Te'o romance?

In the pros, Manti Te'o projects as an inside linebacker in a Kabuki defense.

JaMarcus Russell says he is down to 308 pounds and is ready for a NFL comeback.
He could become the first QB to double as his own left tackle.

Busy week for Beyonce prepping for the Super Bowl halftime show: she's auditioning air guitarists.

The emerging Knicks-Nets rivalry is great. Very traditional.
People in different parts of New York City have been disliking each other since they arrived from Europe on boats.
In fact, it was even earlier than that: they disliked people on different parts of the boat.

Kobe Bryant tweeted that Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata calms him down.
Ray Lewis likes Mahler's Symphony No. 6.

Tom Brady's slide into Ed Reed?
Both Ty Cobb and the Rockettes thought his legs were a little high.

The name of the Swedish prog metal band, Opeth, reminds me of Lou Holtz discussing oil cartels.

"Mama always said life was like a story from a Notre Dame football player." - Forrest Gump

You know who needed performance-enhancing drugs?
Anyone sitting through that two-part interview.

In Part 2 on Friday, Lance Armstrong rebuilds the Death Star.

Manti Te'o and his girlfriend met on the popular dating website Plenty Of Catfish.

Next week on Oprah: Manti Te'o.

The Chicago Bears hired Alouettes coach Marc Trestman.
He may be one of the few people ever to leave Montreal needing to bolster their winter clothing.

Oprah's interview with Lance Armstrong is now being broadcast over two nights?!?
Who is producing this thing, Peter Jackson?

Mystery solved on all that ink on Colin Kaepernick's arms: they're maps to the end zones.

Nice upset win by Wisconsin at Indiana. The Badgers roster is snowier than the Winter X-Games.

AC/DC's record for loudest noise ever recorded in Australia was broken by Jerzy Janowicz.

Oprah is taping her interview with Lance Armstrong on Monday.
How do we know the tape won't be tampered with before it airs Thursday?

Perpetually-injured center Greg Oden hopes to return to an NBA court this season.
Or so says his new agent, Mike Shanahan.

The Jacksonville Jaguars fired their head coach.
No one knows the man's name, but whoever you were, you'll be missed.

Rob Ryan is out as the Cowboys defensive coordinator.
A sequel to The Big Lebowski has been greenlit.

CTV will deliver a live stream of the Super Bowl to phones and tablets.
Good thing, too, as it's so hard to find a TV with it on.

No inter-conference games in this shortened NHL season.
Sorry, Canucks fans, no Hurricanes or Islanders this year.

To maximize media exposure, the NHL is set to launch their 48-game 2013 season on the weekend of the NFL conference championship games.

What a difference a few hours make: the National Championship Game ended with more NFL offers to Katherine Webb than Brian Kelly.

Reports say the Redskins pumped artificial crowd noise into the stadium during Sunday's game.
The NHL is contacting them about the process used.

14 straight hours of meetings for the NHL CBA Saturday.
Who is the mediator: Peter Jackson?

The two sides in the NHL Lockout are holed up in a hotel together in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately, that hotel is The Overlook from The Shining.

Russia beat Canada 6-5 in OT for the bronze medal in the World Junior Hockey Championships.
The Russian coaching staff enjoyed half an hour of fun before being exiled to Siberia.

Reports say disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong is considering admitting doping.
He has called a press conference with fellow Texans Willie Nelson and Matthew McConaughey.

David Stern said the NBA will have multiple teams in Europe within 20 years.
Great, so we'll have the son of Steve Francis refusing to play for Paris because of lifestyle reasons.

The staffs of the Raiders and Lions will coach the Senior Bowl.
This is like having Weird Al Yankovic as your guitar instructor.

Roberto Duran would be a terrible ad pitchman for Taco Bell.

Ray Lewis says this will be his last stab at it.