Lady Gaga's Thanksgiving Muppets special was crushed in the ratings by the NFL.
Gaga and Kermit had about as much chemistry as Matt Flynn and the Packers offense.
It ain't easy being green.

Ohio's governor passed an official resolution urging citizens to refrain from using the letter "M" on what he called "Scarlet Saturday" versus Michigan.
Buckeyes fans spent The Game drinking oonshine.

Rogers Santa Claus Parade will move through Vancouver's downtown core Sunday.
The CBC float will be given 1-block of a side alley to use.

A local dealership is offering Michigan fans free cars if the Wolverines defense shuts out Ohio State Saturday.
Big deal; that's why Buckeye players went to Columbus in the first place.

The Oakland Raiders recovered a Dallas fumble on the opening kickoff and returned it for a touchdown.
The Cowboys Stadium faithful had barely parked their bicycles and vegetable oil-fueled vehicles.

The Seattle Seahawks with their 8th substance suspension since 2010.
The last lineup to shuffle this much and keep winning was Guns N' Roses.

Playing the halftime show at the Grey Cup has impacted Hedley's career.
Illegal downloads of their songs have increased in Moose Jaw, Prince Albert and North Battleford.

The New York Knicks are 3-11.
They sent out a reminder to renew tickets for the 2014-15 pyramid scheme.

The Edmonton Oilers Twitter account shared a dramatic picture of an Oilers banner unfurled on the Great Wall of China.
And the Mongol hordes are expected to reach Beijing any day now.

That was the fake Stanley Cup at the NHL news conference Tuesday.
The real one was being used as a punch bowl at the Game Of Thrones wrap party.

I like how the massive new NHL rights deal is "subject to approval by the Board of Governors" in December.
NHL owners would meet at 2am on Christmas morning in Gitmo to rubber-stamp this deal.

Georgia Southern beat Will Muschamp's Florida Gators in The World's Largest Outdoor Job Review.

New York Knicks management banned Woody Allen from the VIP lounge at Madison Square Garden.
Woody wanted to respond by barring them from attending his films, but that self-imposed ban started years ago.

The 50-50 draw at the Grey Cup paid out $252,000.
That explains Stephen Harper's appearance in the stands.

The CFL is serious about exploring the viability of an expansion franchise in Atlantic Canada.
Next week they are going to pitch their idea on Dragons' Den.

Peyton Manning would have lost the Grey Cup game Sunday night.

In the wake of Delivery Man's $7.9 million opening weekend, it looks like Vince Vaughn is about to become a Chicago Blackhawks fan full-time.

Playoff-like feeling to the Canucks-Blackhawks game Saturday night at Rogers Arena.
Especially after Roberto Luongo gave up two goals in 9 seconds in the 3rd period to lose to Chicago.
We've all seen that movie before.
Ernest Goes To The Crease.

The Laval Rouge et Or won their third CIS football title in four years, setting records for rushing yardage and also - with a reported 18,543 in attendance at 12,000-seat Telus Stadium - lap dances.

Going from Michigan-Iowa to Texas A&M-LSU is like watching Avatar following Birth Of A Nation.

The CFL says no names will be released of players available in the upcoming expansion draft.
A secret team of physical freaks being put together under shadowy circumstances?
They should call them the Ottawa X-Men.

CFL commissioner Mark Cohon says player names for the upcoming Ottawa RedBlacks expansion draft will be kept secret and confidential.
This is playing havoc with my mock expansion draft.

MLB's security director is recommending teams install metal detectors at each gate for the 2014 season.
They could never do this in the NFL; it would be the end of Oakland's Black Hole.

Two Newfoundlanders saved a shark floundering in the shallows after it couldn't swallow a large chunk of a moose.
It was the biggest choke job in Eastern Canada since the Leafs playoff against the Bruins.

North Korea has reportedly detained an "older American man".
Vegas oddsmakers have made the favorites Dennis Rodman and Santa.

That opening-drive TD video review in the Falcons-Saints game Thursday night came under more scrutiny than the Zapruder film this week.

The real winner in the Tigers-Rangers trade are Dallas fast food restaurants.

Kendall Jenner, the Kardashians' half-sister, turned 18.
Most analysts expect her to skip college and head directly to the NBA.

Rob Ford's fitness consultant is a convicted steroid trafficker.
He also may have gotten the worst PR of all-time being identified as "Rob Ford's fitness consultant".
Anyone signing up for this guy's training program?
Put that on your resume - like being CEO of Enron.

IOC president Thomas Bach said the anti-doping tests for the 2014 Sochi Olympics will be the toughest yet.
Is this why we've seen so little of the Jamaican bobsled team recently?

Prince Fielder waived at his no-trade clause but missed.

Only the Texas Rangers could find something (Prince Fielder) bigger than the Rockets-Mavs game Wednesday night.

A disgusted A-Rod stormed out of his arbitration hearing Wednesday when he learned Bud Selig would not be testifying.
Sounds like roid rage.

The ACC is suing Maryland for $52 million for heading to the Big Ten next year.
The Terps are 11-27 in-conference in football the last five seasons; no wonder they don't want them to leave.

A Texas-based theme park company is building the world's tallest waterslide.
The terrifying drop ride is named "2013 Houston Texans".

Anger and controversy at the end of Patriots-Panthers Monday night after the referees waived off a flag on the last play of the game.
Remember when you used to be praised for picking laundry up off the floor?

One of Peyton Manning's Papa John's was robbed by armed thieves during the game Sunday night.
It was the biggest heist in Denver since Jorge de la Rosa re-upped with the Rockies.

Ticats coach Kent Austin said it's really hard to make the Grey Cup.
It's an 8-team league and 6 make the playoffs.
The Grey Cup's about as hard to get into as Greyhound's Road Rewards club.

A lot of questions heading into Grey Cup week.
Top of the list: what is the freezing temperature of watermelon?

Toronto mayor Rob Ford showed up for the 2nd half of the Eastern Final, only to see the Ticats go on a 19-0 run to beat the Argos.
He's not used to leaving the house without scoring.

Oregon State beat Maryland in college hoops, moving to 4-0 when the president is in attendance.
14,776 at the game, or approximately the same amount that have been able to sign up for Obamacare.

For the Grey Cup mayoral bet, Hamilton's Bob Bratina is going to put up the dime bag of oregano he just won in the Eastern Final from Rob Ford.

Michigan wisely kicking away from Northwestern's Drone Attack.

Next up on Northwestern's schedule: Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Miguel Cabrera was voted the American League MVP award, despite Mike Trout's major league-leading 9.2 WAR.
Sabermetricians expressed dismay Thursday night when they were contacted in lineups for PlayStation 4.

That Argos jersey Rob Ford was wearing was a #12, a quarterback's number.
Did I miss the Duante Culpepper era in Toronto?

A huge iceberg twice the size of Atlanta has broken off from Antarctica and is drifting north.
Gary Bettman's thinking of holding an outdoor NHL game on it.

Rob Ford in an Argos jersey - has bullying come to the CFL?

Mike Tyson says he was high on drugs for major fights.
Also, for visits to tattoo parlours.

Yankees GM Brian Cashman says Brian Wilson is not a candidate to pick up for their bullpen because of his refusal to shave his trademark beard.
How do the Yankees participate in Movember - Moe Howard bowl cuts?

Denver Nuggets off to a poor start.
Maybe legalized marijuana and a NBA franchise aren't the best mix.

Rutgers football suffered three recruiting decommits in 24 hours.
That's what happens when you hire Snooki as an official weekend visit hostess.

"Archie Manning 71-82" added to the New Orleans Saints ring of honor Sunday night.
Did they have to post his won-loss record?

Multiple sources say Richie Incognito held offensive line meetings at a South Florida strip club.
Now I know he's crazy - I've heard the food there is terrible.

How do we know "Richie Incognito" isn't a shape-shifting terminator sent to L.A. to hunt Jonathan Martin?

Richie Incognito is now in L.A.
Has he rented a white Bronco?

Brigham Young accepted a bizarre bid: to play in the Poinsettia Bowl in 2016 and 2018.
Interesting recruiting pitch: sign with us and it's Christmas flowers in San Diego.

Miami (4-4) at Tampa Bay (0-8) this week on Monday Night Football.
Isn't every day on the Dolphins "Veterans Day"?

The NFL is expected to outlaw rookie hazing dinners, where the players go out for the evening and a first-year guy has to pay a ridiculously high bill.
Restaurateurs around the U.S. will be holding a candlelight protest vigil.

Which Canadian is having a worse week: Rob Ford or Anthony Bennett (1-19 from the floor)?

Crack-smoking by the Mayor of Toronto?
This is shaping up as one hardcore Winter Classic between the Maple Leafs and Red Wings.
Who's doing the anthem - Lindsay Lohan?

Brett Favre set a new personal best 40 time Monday night.
Between Aaron Rodgers injury to racing to his computer to check Craigslist job ads.

Two Oregon Ducks basketball players got suspended for selling team clothing.
Who would buy that stuff: tour wardrobe stylist for Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga?

The MLBPA is investigating Jay Z and Roc Nation for a possible against-the-rules gift to Yankee free agent Robinson Cano.
I guess you could say they're in an inquire state of mind.

"Bernie and Ernie"? Thought this next 30 for 30 was about Sesame Street for a sec.

The Sedins' extensions are the longest in Vancouver since Brent Sopel's mullet.

Good to hear Gary Kubiak is on the mend.
My initial gut reaction - before it registered who it was and it was a serious health issue - was that it might be a promo stunt for NBC's The Biggest Loser.

An Edmonton gas station bathroom was named one of the best in Canada.
I'm surprised it beat out Rexall Place.

Dolphins, Buccaneers...who would have thought the Jaguars would be Florida's most stable NFL franchise?

The Dolphins Richie Incognito won the 2012 South Florida Good Guy Award.
The runner-up was a Colombian drug lord.

The Miami Dolphins went from "not aware of any accusations of bullying" to suspending Richie Incognito in 14 hours.
Who cracked this case open - Ace Ventura?

Columbus, Ohio will host the 2015 NHL All-Star Game.
First the lockout, then the Olympics: it looks like the hockey media's luck has finally run out.

Here's wishing Leaf Dave Bolland a speedy recovery after a leg injury versus the Canucks Saturday.
He's got a bunk bed at VGH and the Sedins have signed his cast.

Super-rare occurrence in the NFL Sunday: no games between two teams with winning records.
Sort of like the NHL's Battle of Alberta.

Friday night irony in Corvallis: the team dressed as highlighters hasn't created any yet.

They're going to have to change the name of The Civil War to The Acid Bowl.

The Sedin twins signed 4-year extensions with the Canucks.
Van Halen's manager drew up the contracts, which means there's a line stating no brown herring on the food table.