With 35 bowls, these announcing teams get stretched pretty thin.
"Calling today's game: Tim Tebow's 2nd cousin, and a guy who was really good at Tecmo Bowl."

The Maple Leafs signed Dion Phaneuf to a 7-year extension.
Phaneuf re-signed Elisha Cuthbert for 6.5.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey topped the list of 2013's most pirated movies.
Least pirated: Madea Goes Surfing.

WTKA in Michigan reports that the FBI and Homeland Security are beefing up their presence in East Lansing for the New Year's Day Rose Bowl Game.
Finally, they can gain the upper hand in the War On Couch-Burning.

Not sure how much screen time Tim Tebow will actually get, but SEC Network jerseys are flying off the shelves.

Tim Tebow was hired as a TV analyst by the SEC Network.
They are currently working on technology to enable score updates to scroll on his eye black patches.

Due to the Russian bombings ahead of the Winter Olympics, France has officially tapped out.

Geneva Serviette wiping the floor with Canada in the Spengler Cup semi-final.

Several refs went missing during the Spengler Cup and were presumed abducted by UFOs.

The Steelers had their year-end awards dinner, giving the Chiefs Ryan Succop and Chase Daniel a trip for two to North Korea.

Poor overseas villagers refuse donation of "Michigan 2013 Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl Champions" t-shirts.

The Cincinnati Bearcats have a freshman safety named Mike Tyson.
He could have some fun with his eye black design.

The University of Cincinnati is feeling the wrath of the karma gods for not choosing one animal as their team nickname.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have suspended Andrew Bynum indefinitely for conduct detrimental to the team.
What - stepping on the court?

Jerry Jones says the Dallas Cowboys won't use a high 2014 draft pick on a QB.
If they were smart, they'd trade a pick for a GM.

I hope they make a time lapse video of converting Yankee Stadium from a football field to a hockey arena.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit coming in mid-January.
Action-thriller movie or SEC signing day mystery?

Spengler Cup: the world's most confusing hockey tournament.
Where entire nations play against teams representing steel mills from small central European towns.
It's like the equivalent of Russia playing an all-star team from Burnaby 8 Rinks.

You might have a hockey problem if you PVR Spengler Cup games Canada's not involved in.

Grudge Match: the Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot of sports movies.

Even with the special NBA Christmas jerseys, the Knicks still didn't have any tricks up their sleeve.

No football on Christmas Day.
The CFL blew a prime window for an All-Star game.

The New York Knicks dressed in all orange on Christmas Day, and played like something you'd find in the bottom of a sock.

I've seen the TSN Year in Review countdowns so many times, I can't distinguish between the top plays and the bloopers.

The Dallas Cowboys signed Jon Kitna as an emergency backup, pulling him out of a live Nativity scene where he was playing Joseph.

The second most amazing thing about Buffalo's OT-winning goal lodged in Mike Smith's pants was that it didn't happen to Roberto Luongo.

Hockey Canada finalized its women's roster for Sochi.
In the wake of the last game versus the U.S., they've added Sarah Kaufman and Alexis Davis.

Sorry Bruno Mars, your Super Bowl dreams are over: Pussy Riot is free.

Former major-leaguer Alex Cabrera set a Venezuelan league record for home runs in a season, and said a kiss from his wife before the game calmed him down.
A kiss calmed him down? Ah, marriage.

The Oregon State Beavers fell to 4-1 with President Obama in attendance, falling to Akron at the Diamond Head Classic in Hawaii.
Barack said his good luck charm streak might have continued if Michelle hadn't insisted on sitting between him and the cheerleaders.

Peyton Manning named Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated.
Of course, he's playing with three Pro-Bowlers while Tom Brady throws to the Cabbage Patch Kids.

The NFC North's playoff drive is like watching Iran and North Korea's space race to put a man on the Moon.

"Grinch 2013": The Grinch takes Whoville captive and forces them to watch all 5 NBA Christmas Day games back-to-back.

The Potato Bowl: Famous San Diego Chickens versus Buffalo Wild Wings.

Colorado State and Washington State with a thrilling finish to the Don't Lose 7 Bowl.

The Southeastern Conference fined the Georgia Bulldogs for using an artificial noisemaker (cowbells) during games.
Guess they'll have to stop using The Bruce Dickinson as their stadium producer.

What better way to kick off the irrelevancy and pointlessness of bowl season than Washington State (6-6) and Colorado State (7-6) in Albuquerque at the New Mexico Bowl?
Festivities start Saturday morning with the Tournament of Meth Parade.

Stanford-Michigan basketball Saturday, where the students calculate their team's RPI in their heads at the end of each quarter.

Grumblings over the decadence at Dennis Rodman's basketball training camp in North Korea, where some of the players are receiving up to two meals per day.

Florida and Michigan announced they will open the 2017 season in the Cowboys Classic at Arlington, Texas.
This smells like a coaching and recruiting ad, not a football game.

Phil Robertson must be of two minds about biathlon.

Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson suspended by A&E.
Lucky timing, though, as he's getting ready for Sochi where he'll work as a male figure skating commentator.

The White House says President Obama's schedule precludes him from attending the Sochi Olympics.
It's the last few weeks before he fills out his March Madness brackets.

Surprisingly, Kate Moss has failed to qualify for Sochi on Britain's skeleton team.

Scott Boras is helping package the new Gilligan's Island movie.
He wants $20 million for The Professor.

A report says Jon Gruden is "open to hearing" about the Texas Longhorns head coaching job.
Would he take Mike Tirico with him?

Seahawks cornerback Brandon Browner has been suspended indefinitely for violating the league's substance abuse policy.
Probably celebrating Nirvana's selection for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

The Sochi Olympic torch relay makes the Donner Party look like Apollo 17.

Not a fan of vague or generic team nicknames.
The Minnesota Wild: is that an animal or a lifestyle?

Warning to Red Wings fans attending the alumni game versus the Maple Leafs at Comerica Park: Jim Leyland plans to have Chris Osgood on a strict shot count.

I thought the BB&T Center crew were building a confessional.
"Forgive us, Father, we don't really care about hockey."

Some of these college football players applying for NFL Draft evaluations would be better served contacting the Ottawa RedBlacks.

I would listen to Milan Lucic. There are no greater experts on "unprovoked attacks" than the Bruins.

The Canucks crushed the Bruins 6-2 Saturday.
Brad Marchand with the most futile hand gestures since the Mandela memorial.

A sign of too much Christmas shopping: my friend thought Armani and Old Navy were playing on TV.

It's Friday the 13th, which for goaltenders ranks right up there with Christmas and their birthday.

If the Red Wings-Maple Leafs Alumni Game comes down to a shootout attempt by Chris Chelios on Johnny Bower, there could be a rift in the space-time continuum.

I miss the old, innocent days of Broncos football when it was rocks in snowballs.

Johnny Bower, 89, will be the Maple Leafs backup goalie for the Winter Classic Alumni Game versus the Red Wings.
For the first time, he will wear a mask in net.
Unfortunately, it will be an oxygen mask.

George W. Bush wrote a letter of support to the Alabama kicker.
Together with enthusiastic financial support from Crimson Tide boosters, they are giving him a surprise Christmas gift: a holiday hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

The South African government has admitted that hiring that fake sign language guy was a mistake.
Apparently, it was his first gig since Manti Te'o's Notre Dame graduation ceremony.

There's a manhunt on for that fake sign language guy from the Nelson Mandela memorial.
Brazil has joined the search: they want to know if he is available to sign at their World Cup and Summer Olympics.

The Florida Panthers played most of the 3rd period Tuesday against Detroit with a replacement piece of plexiglass with its covering still on behind the Red Wings goal.
What were they waiting for to unwrap that thing - Christmas?

The MLB rules committee says it plans to end collisions at home plate.
Ray Fosse said he would like to block the decision.

The sign language interpreter from the Mandela memorial has returned to his day job, signalling in plays from the sideline for the Houston Texans.

Mark Prior has officially retired from the disabled list and is expected to be a first-ballot medical hall-of-famer, where he will be inducted by Dusty Baker.

Nebraska football has sold out every home game since the Cuban Missile Crisis.
They probably thought the missiles were corn-filled silos about to flood the market.

That Leafs-Habs "Dear Canada" video montage on Hockey Night In Canada was excellent.
Can't wait for the Canucks-Senators one on March 2nd.

The Houston Texans season has been so bad, after their last game they had a rep from the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl visit their locker room.

Jadeveon Clowney was ticketed for doing 110 in a 70.
He might be confused, because he asked if that would count towards his NFL Combine measurables.

Monday Night Football: most successful TV show in the world and there's no heat in the studio.
Gruden and Tirico were dressed like they're going caroling in the Himalayas.

The Seattle Mariners just signed the Fremont Troll for $45 million over 3 years.

BBVA Compass will drop sponsorship of its namesake Birmingham, Alabama bowl game.
Ironically, despite its name, not many fans could find it each year.

NBC News headline says skiing is pricing itself out of the middle class.
What's next: polo and fox-hunting?

Oak Grove High School - which boasts Brett Favre as its offensive coordinator - won the Mississippi 6A state title.
Favre has scheduled a press conference for Monday on whether he will return as coach or not.

Canada currently is to soccer what Brazil is to hockey.

If you made an All-Star team of this offseason's MLB free agent signings, you'd have the biggest payroll in the game and miss the playoffs.

They're going to have to spend more than $11 million on the World Cup draw if they want to get Canada involved.

Great news for Canadian soccer: they're not in the Group of Death.

This next World Cup won't be the same without vuvuzelas.
I'll have the audio on.

At least Nelson Mandela didn't have to sit through that Knicks-Nets game.

The Spurs-T-Wolves game in Mexico City was cancelled due to smoke.
Apparently, the arena had not been aired out from the Snoop Lion concert the night before.

Texans-Jags or Knicks-Nets Thursday night?
The reason DVRs were invented.

Seattle moved ahead of Mexico City on the list of NBA expansion cities Wednesday night.

The 3-15 Milwaukee Bucks have applied to move to the Atlantic Division.
"We want to be contenders."

The NBA's Atlantic Division is so bad, the Washington Generals would contend in it.

Looks like that stolen nuclear material in Mexico turned up at the Spurs-T-Wolves game.

The Steelers might lose a draft pick in the Mike Tomlin punishment.
Pittsburgh asked if it could be Landry Jones.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford says he opposes the Washington Redskins changing their name.
Soon teams will start changing their names so Rob Ford can't find them and attend their games.

Heat guard Roger Mason and his family were robbed at gunpoint in a Miami restaurant.
They were the worst crime victims in the NBA this season other than Knicks season ticket holders.

Steelers coach Mike Tomlin said Tuesday defensive lineman Brett Keisel "took a step back" in regards to his foot injury.
That seems to be a trend on Pittsburgh.
I'm expecting a Tomlin bobblefeet doll any day now.
He looked like he was doing the Time Warp out there.

The Seattle Seahawks crowd at CenturyLink Field set a new noise record Monday night.
The Boeing flight test facility phoned in a noise complaint.

Jason Kidd's spilled drink cost him $50,000.
It would have been $5000, but he ordered bottle service at Barclays Center.

Good attendance numbers in the WHL this weekend: 10,146 in Portland and 17,199 in Calgary.
Those are the number of teddy bears that hit the ice.

The Iron Bowl scored a massive 82 share on Birmingham TVs.
The other 18% were watching a Here Comes Honey Boo Boo marathon.