In the next shocking V. Stiviano tape release, it's revealed that Donald Sterling paints his hair.

There's only one way Donald Sterling could get back into an NBA arena.
Think the Green Men.

At the rate sponsors are reacting, the Clippers home arena for the 2nd round of the playoffs might be known as The Center.

Donald Sterling's age gap dating rule: half your IQ plus 7.

Budweiser's 70-foot red goal light blimp has broken free of its tether and is on the loose in the skies above Canada.
A red goal light, or as it's referred to in Vancouver: a UFO.

Sterling's girlfriend supposedly has 100 hours of tapes.
That chick stores more files than Joaquin Phoenix's girlfriend in "Her".

Donald Sterling will NOT receive a lifetime achievement award from the NAACP for making millions off the backs of black athletes, but is still in the running for a similar award from the NCAA.

The Brewers Ryan Braun celebrated Cinco de Mayo a week early, using teammate Jean Segura as a piñata.

That was awful that Donald Sterling said he didn't want Magic Johnson attending his team's basketball games.
When Johnson had his Magic Hour talk show, viewers of ALL colours and creeds refused to tune in.

Who tapes arguments with their girlfriend?
"Honey, I hate your friends. Wait, before you respond, let me hit record..."

Clippers owner Donald Sterling is slated to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award from the NAACP on May 15.
That's just a few weeks before Vladimir Putin hosts The Tony Awards.

They may make a movie about Yasiel Puig's long, dangerous road from Cuba to the U.S.
They're just waiting to secure financing from Miami and Mexico.
Disagreement over gross points.

Clippers owner Donald Sterling apparently wants Staples Center crowds to look like the audience at a Roger Hodgson concert.

Justin Bieber was detained at a California airport after he falsely declared he was travelling with a San Francisco 49er.

Time magazine named Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman one of the 100 Most Influential People.
Yes, that trend of taunting wide receivers and yelling at female sportscasters has turned into a national sensation.

Someone needs to invent a product that combines pine tar with eye black.

The Detroit Tigers will honor former manager Jim Leyland on May 10th.
Fans will receive a commemorative Leyland art piece, which in memory of his bullpens will probably be a mini-bonfire made out of cigarettes.

The Chicago Blackhawks are a very likeable team.
And if you don't agree, they'll hit you with a hockey stick.

The NFL schedule was released and the Detroit Lions are playing the Atlanta Falcons in London's Wembley Stadium on October 26.
I thought they were trying to expand the appeal of the sport overseas?

NBA commish Adam Silver wants college basketball stars to have grades and class attendance faked for them for two years.

David Moyes fired as manager of Manchester United after signing a 6-year contract last July.
I'd hate to see how long the managers last at Manchester Fragmented.

LA lost 7-0 to the Phillies Monday.
The Dodgers bullpen is getting more taxed than Yasiel Puig.

Blazers win on 4/20.

Why do the Colorado Avalanche have a Sasquatch footprint on the upper arm of their jersey?
Do they think Sasquatch is on top of mountains pushing snowballs down and starting avalanches? Like he's the Grinch or something?
The equivalent for the desert would be the Phoenix Coyotes wearing a UFO patch.

Raptors GM Masai Ujiri apologized to kids who may have heard his F-bomb re Brooklyn.
Toronto doesn't want children picking up poor language habits from them. #WeTheNorth

Milan Lucic Mobile Circumcision Clinic.

Nice TSN piece on Raptors GM Masai Ujiri: "Long Way Home".
There was one on Rob Ford, too, called "Which Way Home?"

The White House said it had no comment on an online petition to deport Justin Bieber.
No executive decisions until after the NBA playoffs.

Northern Kentucky's former AD admitted to stealing $262,000 in Kroger gift cards from the school.
Hey - those gift cards were meant for recruits' parents.

Tampa Bay Lightning radio analyst Phil Esposito was upset when he drew Dale Weise's name for the media winning-goal pool before Game 1.
He reportedly said "Who the hell is Weise?" and threw away the piece of paper.
Told the story later, Weise said: "Who's Phil Esposito?"

Who experienced a higher spike in balaclava sales this week: Ukraine, or Minneapolis for the Jays-Twins doubleheader Thursday?

Manny Pacquiao treated his entourage to a $20,000 spending spree at Nordstrom's after his win over Bradley.
Next month: the magic stores in Vegas for some Mother's Day shopping.

There was a 5-minute power outage in the arena before the Sharks-Kings Game 1 in San Jose.
Maybe SAP should design some business software to pay energy bills on time.

Same question we had for the Montreal Canadiens: will the country back the Toronto Raptors?
They are the only Canadian team in the NBA playoffs.

There's now a dating website for Green Bay Packers fans.
It's called Plenty Of Flesh.

The NCAA is now going to authorize unlimited snacks for athletes.
Big recruiting advantage for Washington and Colorado.

Amar'e Stoudemire said the Knicks might be "the best team on paper".
Rolling papers?
They might have made the playoffs if they'd had a little more zig zag on the court.

What a stretch for the 49ers: who would have thought Coachella would be California's second largest drunken revelry of the week?

The Flames Paul Byron put the Canucks Daniel Sedin on a stretcher to the hospital with a hit from behind into the glass.
We need Shanahan to come back and suspend him for the entire Calgary Stampede.

They made another cut in that contest to find people to fly to Mars.
Out: the 49ers Aldon Smith.

Is Manny Pacquiao's mother some sort of witch doctor?
She was at ringside clutching beads, crucifix, chanting, pointing at people...
It was like Rocky meets The Exorcist.

Chad Johnson will work out for the Montreal Alouettes at a Florida camp this week.
Quatre-vingt-cinq!

Nice moment at the end of Oiler Ryan Smyth's final game when all of the Vancouver Canucks returned to the ice to shake hands with him.
It was the highlight of the Canucks season.

Johnny Manziel reportedly scored a 32 on the Wonderlic.
Maybe he was accidentally given a bartending exam.

I hope Brendan Shanahan makes explanation videos every time the Leafs do something wrong.

CSN Houston got a 0.0 rating for an Astros-Angels game Monday.
That viewership makes Mind Games look like Game Of Thrones.

Ben Johnson joined Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's re-election team.
Both men endorse an anti-drug testing platform.

When I heard Trevor Linden was likely returning to the Canucks, I wasn't sure if it was as management or a depth forward.

Drake was in a UConn shirt immediately after the game ended.
That guy changes clothes faster than Lady Gaga.

Raptors centre Jonas Valanciunas was charged with a DUI by OPP.
Lesson for NBA players: don't take your talents to Wasaga Beach.

CBS Sports reported Alabama's athletic department revenue exceeded that of every NHL team last year.
So did their roster salaries.

It's Masters week: the one golf tourney followed closely by the BDSM community.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was warned by security staff about his behaviour Saturday night at the Air Canada Centre.
Ford said he was totally sober and coherent, and looking forward to attending Maple Leafs playoff games.

New attendance record on Final Four Saturday: 79,444.
Most people to ever watch a tourney game on a Jumbotron.

NASCAR fans attending the Duck Commander 500 in North Texas Sunday had to pass through a metal detector and were refused admission unless they were carrying firearms.

LPGA Tour disappointed with Golf Digest.
Golf Digest disappointed with LPGA Tour.

Someone needs to tell Yasiel Puig that the L.A. sports tradition of showing up to games late and leaving early is just for the fans.

The Texas-Oklahoma football game known for decades as the Red River Shootout became the Red River Rivalry a few years ago.
Friday it was re-branded the Red River Showdown.
What's next: the Red River Friendly?

Missouri basketball player Zach Price was arrested twice in one day Thursday.
His coach warned: "Three strikes and he's out."

The U.S. and Mexico played a soccer friendly in Scottsdale, Arizona and the crowd favoured Mexico.
I think if the U.S. and Mexico played hockey in Arizona, Mexico would have home-ice advantage.

Worst case scenario for B.C.'s grizzly bears: hunting season starts this week and the Canucks' David Booth is about to miss the playoffs.

The Boston Red Sox visited the White House, and signed Shane Victorino up for Obamacare.

LA Angels coach Don Baylor broke his leg catching Vladimir Guerrero's Opening Day first pitch.
Ironically, if he'd just stood in the batter's box and been hit by the ceremonial pitch he'd probably be fine, out of habit.