Geroy Simon is retiring from the CFL.
The only question remaining is: will he go into the Hall of Fame as a Lion, Rider or Blue Bomber?

Joe Namath has released a sports energy drink named "Broadway Joe".
Its target market are athletes who are strugg-a-ling.

Arizona Cardinals linebacker Daryl Washington was suspended by the NFL for the entire 2014 season for violating the league's substance abuse policy.
This after the Texas Christian University product missed the first 4 games last season for aggravated assault.
Thank God he didn't go to Texas Atheist University.

Donald Sterling will file a $1 billion lawsuit against the NBA.
This is the second large, radioactive lizard to attack the U.S. in the last month.

AMC debuted its new show set in Texas's early '80s' Silicon Prairie, "Halt And Catch Fire".
Sounds like a 30 For 30 on Danica Patrick.

They could be headed for a work stoppage in the CFL.
Fortunately, the Players Association has socked away some Canadian Tire money for a rainy day.

The CFL didn't have any work stoppage problems until Ottawa joined the league.

Twitter is abuzz with reports of an anonymous millionaire hiding cash in LA.
Sounds like Donald Sterling preparing for his divorce case.

The Rangers Derek Stepan scored two goals after missing one game with a broken jaw.
I'd still be lying on my couch asking people to make me another batch of nachos in the blender.

50 Cent threw out the first pitch for the Mets on Tuesday.
The ball has been found by GPS and a team of echo-locating dolphins in the East River.

Should Ray Rice be kicked out of the NFL?
He's a 27-year-old running back; he will be soon.

I like the Whitecaps' Erik Hurtado's hairstyle.
Amazing he has time to play pro soccer at the same time he's touring with Fishbone.

The playoff beard doesn't agree with Patrick Kane.
Looks like a hobbit.

Indiana Pacers Survivor: Outwit. Outplay. Out of the playoffs.

Barry Trotz is a great fit for the Capitals.
He has consistently never won the big one.

Only four college football teams in the country signed three 5-star recruits in this year's class, yet Alabama will have three living in one dorm.
It will be crowded there, like living inside an ATM.

A Michigan woman is suing McDonald's after claiming she bit a "foreign object" in her breakfast burrito.
The WWE says it needs it back for an upcoming title match between Brock Lesnar and Triple H.

The Cubs signed Manny Ramirez to be a player/coach for their Triple-A affiliate in Iowa.
Real life has turned into a bad '90s baseball movie.
Needles In The Outfield.

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay had his charges reduced to two misdemeanors, after police found more drugs in his car than the green room at The Last Waltz.

Ryan Hunter-Reay won the Indy 500, ending California Chrome's Triple Crown hopes.

Slash played The Star Spangled Banner at Staples Center before Game 3.
He was going to light his guitar on fire like Jimi Hendrix, but they were worried about damage to the ice.
After the performance, each person in attendance had to spend 15 minutes in the "dark room".

Seems like the Ray Sterling press conference went pretty well.

Two New York Rangers assistant coaches were watching the Habs' practice Saturday at Madison Square Garden before they were kicked out.
Allen Iverson said: "What's the point?"

Gary Bettman says he took a recent trip to Seattle to check out the arena situation because he was "in the neighbourhood" for a playoff game in Anaheim.
Does this guy travel around with a Risk board for a map?
I haven't seen geography that shaky since Miss Teen South Carolina.

Michael Vick says he believes he can lead the New York Jets to a Super Bowl.
He has about as much chance doing that as winning the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

50 U.S. senators have asked NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to support a name change for the Washington Redskins.
What about the Ottawa RedBlacks?

New Clippers CEO Dick Parsons said he played college basketball for Hawaii in the mid-'60s, a claim that couldn't be backed up by facts.
He was also one of the first to surf the Banzai Pipeline and drummed for Don Ho.

Prince Fielder may be having season-ending neck surgery.
I hope he can maintain his fitness level while on the DL.

The Dodgers released catcher Miguel Olivo from their roster.
He's looking to bounce back in the WWE.

Some of these nations' World Cup bans are a little draconian.
For example, Mexico will be the first ever group of men travelling in Rio trying to avoid alcohol and sex.

The NBA needs to quickly hold another lottery to find a team to replace the Thunder against the Spurs in the Western final.

Rory McIlroy broke off his engagement to Caroline Wozniacki after the wedding invitations were mailed out.
In golf, that is known as signing an inaccurate card.

Hard to believe Minneapolis got an outdoor Super Bowl before an outdoor hockey game.

Where was the Cleveland Cavaliers usual draft lottery team?
That was like watching the Stones without Mick.

The New York Knicks didn't have a pick in the NBA Draft Lottery but asked if they could play the "Extra".

Minneapolis will host Super Bowl LII in 2018 in its new outdoor stadium.
Runners-up in the bidding were Fargo and Fairbanks.

Tuesday is the NBA Draft Lottery, aka the annual Super Bowl for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie is currently out of a NFL job after repeatedly reporting out of shape.
Apparently, his idea of an offseason fitness program is lap dances.

A huge sinkhole opened up in the end zone of Austin Peay's football stadium in Tennessee.
Silver lining for Peay - who were 0-12 last season - only opponents ever go in the end zone.

Lou Holtz says he's retiring from ESPN after the 2014 season.
There may be a role for him in the emerging marijuana industry, which needs someone to talk to plants while watering them at the same time.

The Preakness served up 7000 pounds of crab meat.
That's like a Jameis Winston trip to Costco.

General A Rod faded during crunch time and finished 4th at The Preakness Stakes.
No word on his post-race drug testing.

Brazil was the sole bidder to host the 2014 World Cup, much to the chagrin of FIFA officials, who are used to being bribed for their votes.

Michael Sam's TV series is no longer a go.
Three football fans in America called their cable provider to drop the Oprah Winfrey Network.

Milan Lucic wrote an anti-bullying book that was published in March.
With a forward by Vladimir Putin.

Canadiens over Bruins was the biggest triumph of good over evil since the Death Star blew up.

Once again it's time for a large, radioactive lizard to attack America.
Donald Sterling is suing the NBA.

According to a poll of New York Knicks fans, there are only three acceptable coaching candidates left for Phil Jackson to hire: Mark Jackson, Jeff Jackson or Tito Jackson.

The Thunder eliminated the Clippers.
Time for the awkward season-ending BBQ at Donald Sterling's house.

Derek Fisher is rumored to be the Knicks front-runner for head coach.
Of course, at this point the Knicks coaching search consists of driving a pickup truck by the corner where men are looking for day labor.

I don't believe Milan Lucic's threats.
As if a successful Boston pro athlete would actually kill someone.

Speaking of terrors from Japan being unleashed to wreak havoc in America, the Yankees Masahiro Tanaka is 6-0 with a 2.17 ERA.

Don't worry, monster fans: Chara and Lucic may be out, but Godzilla opens this weekend.

Black & Amber Alert: crying babies in Boston missing from NHL Playoffs.

Both Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and Mets first baseman Lucas Duda say they got food poisoning from burgers they ate at Citi Field's Shake Shack during the weekend series between the two clubs.
The pair are going to be more careful about what they put into their mouths in ballparks, they said between pinches of chewing tobacco.

The CFL Draft took place Tuesday.
Anyone else surprised Solange Knowles lasted til the 7th round?

Is the Ottawa Redblacks name supposed to reflect the uncertainty of their bottom line?

Who is Donald Sterling's PR coach, Ann Coulter?

Vince Young was released by the Cleveland Browns after just 11 days.
He had a worse draft than the Carolina Panthers.

Tahiti's Michel Bourez won the Billabong Rio Pro in waves that looked like a windstorm on English Bay.

Joe Corona of Club Tijuana made the US Men's World Cup roster.
He's the Most Interesting Soccer Player in the World.

The water wars are heating up - the Penguins equipment manager has bought three Super Soakers for Game 7.

I wish Claude Julien had been a teacher or principal at my high school, because whenever any of his guys do something wrong he always claims he didn't see it.

Vladimir Putin scored 6 goals in a Night Hockey League amateur game in Sochi.
The opposing team was just happy it didn't go to a shootout.

Twitter was so far ahead of the televised draft announcements, someone already tweeted the 1st pick in the NBA Draft.

The Cleveland Browns logo is a picture of the boring Cleveland Browns helmet?

Johnny Manziel's draft walk-up music: Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'".

NFL Draft schedule: Thursday Round 1, Friday Rounds 2-3, Saturday Final Jeopardy round.

Players chosen at the NFL Draft can pick their own walk-up music for the first time.
Jacksonville's pick: The Beatles, "Nowhere Man".

Reports say Johnny Football doesn't want to play in Jacksonville, as the U.S.'s 50th-ranked media market wouldn't help propagate his personal brand.
C'mon, Manziel, it's time to trademark "Johnny Swamp".

Why did Roy Hibbert turn into Forrest Gump's box of chocolates?

I like the name HaHa Clinton-Dix.
Sounds like a late-night talk show monologue from 1998.
Instead of a Packers jersey, he held up a blue dress.

Reports say the Houston Texans want a haul of picks to trade out of the first overall spot.
Where is Mike Ditka when you need him?

V. Stiviano has changed her name more often than Prince.

The Kevin Durant MVP press conference was bizarre.
I thought they were inaugurating a new president.

The last time Ilya Bryzgalov had a playoff shutout, Pluto was still a planet.

TSN announced plans to expand from two to five national channels.
Finally, a chance for FUBAR to get back into cable rotation.

A Brazilian soccer fan was killed by a toilet thrown from the stands at Arruda Stadium in Recife, a World Cup venue.
The good news is, it prevented him from actually having to enter a stadium washroom.

Sterling is banned from attending NBA Board of Governors meetings.
So it's not all bad.

There was a great shot of Gary Bettman at his presser Saturday where a Stanley Cup on the backdrop was framed right on top of his head like a sombrero.
Perfect for Cinco de Mayo.

Nice consolation prize for the losing Kentucky Derby jockeys: they've all been offered extras work on Star Wars 7.

I DVR'd the Kentucky Derby and fast forwarded through the slow parts of the race.

Watched the horse race. The University of Kentucky marching band played its traditional "My 1-or-2-year Kentucky Home".

Bjork and Lady Gaga thought Johnny Weir's Kentucky Derby hat was too over-the-top.

There was a white out at TD Garden, but it didn't have anything to do with t-shirts placed on seats.

Nice try, Milan Lucic, gloving that puck into the net in Game 2.
World's shortest video review.
Even Maradona knew that wasn't a goal.

Ground has been broken in Las Vegas on a new 20,000-seat multi-purpose arena ready for NBA, NHL and U2.

San Jose Sharks season ticket holder Neil Young was in his usual spot for Game 7.
There's a guy inspired to write by sadness and loss.
Expect a new triple album by the end of the year.
Bay Area sports fans' loss is Canadian music fans' gain.

After Montreal's double-OT win, a rapid conversion of TD Garden for Friday graduation ceremonies.
Some Bruins finished their woodworking courses. Home firearms repair.
Zdeno Chara, Class Valedictorian.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 debuts this weekend.
Spidey battles Mr. Unreliable.

Why does confetti come down after a team wins a Round 1 game in the NBA playoffs?
I thought the Globetrotters were up in the rafters with their buckets of "water".

The timeouts, fouling and free throws in the last minute of NBA games is out of control.
One of the announcers in Game 5 of Raptors-Nets said with 4.9 seconds to play: "There's a LOT of time left."
The only thing that was ever cool where that's a lot of time and tons of stuff happens was right after the Big Bang.