Washington Redskins CB DeAngelo Hall re-tore his Achilles while getting a late night slice of pizza.
Wait, did he tear it getting the late night slice of pizza, or celebrating getting the late night slice of pizza?

Michael Bay thought the Cavaliers opening night was over-the-top.

With that kind of aim, I guess Jose Canseco's going to be a stormtrooper for Halloween.

Carmelo Anthony made a creepy guest appearance on Sons Of Anarchy Tuesday.
And in the Knicks season opener the next night.

Before the Cavaliers lost their opener to the Knicks, 95-90, LeBron James said: "This is probably one of the biggest sporting events that is up there, ever."
Yeah, I'd put it right up there between a Pro Bowl and WrestleMania IX.

What is closer to extinction: the Florida Panther, or fans of the hockey team?

Against Madison Bumgarner, the Royals hitters swung the bat like Shelley Duval in The Shining.
She swung the bat 42 times in that staircase scene; about how often it took KC to get a hit.

Good news: the Chevy representative who presented the World Series MVP award was named the favorite in the next Toronto mayoral race.

The Broncos fan who disappeared from Denver's Sports Authority Field during the Chargers game Thursday night was found safe after 5 days.
Usually when someone goes missing from there it's Peyton Manning in the playoffs.

FIFA President Sepp Blatter said he hopes one day the World Cup is an interplanetary competition.
That must be why Qatar is hosting: to prepare for conditions on Venus.
Talk about your group of death.

I like it when sports media or a football preview mag has a story on the Broncos and they use a photo of Peyton Manning.
Oh, so that's what he looks like.

Amar'e Stoudemire says he's not sure why he's coming off the bench.
Dissension on the Knicks?!?
Must be the opening of the NBA season.

Alabama boosters bought Nick Saban's mansion and paid off his mortgage.
The sharecropping system lives again.

Taylor Swift attended a New York Knicks practice and posed for photos with players upon the release of her new album, 1989.
Which, coincidentally, feels like the last year the Knicks were in contention.

The Redskins defeated the Cowboys in Texas.
The opposite of history.
Dallas should have used the syphilis play.

The Buffalo Sabres will retire Dominik Hasek's #39 jersey in a ceremony in January.
No one will ever wear #39 again for Buffalo, nor would anyone ever want to wear #39 for Buffalo.

Jian Ghomeshi likes it rough?
Don Cherry says: good Canadian kid!

After he got traded from the Seahawks to the Jets, Percy Harvin said he was looking forward to taking it to "the next level".
I didn't realize he was such a big fan of the NFL draft.

Detroit suspended DT C.J. Mosley for two weeks and he became the second Lion sent home from London.
England hasn't seen this high an attrition rate on a tour since Spinal Tap.

The huge hole in the flag during the US anthem before Game 3 symbolized the top four in the Giants batting order.

Good to see the U.S. is improving its geography knowledge.
The Lions may win by default at Wembley Sunday, as the Falcons released an infographic that appears to show them headed to Spain's Costa del Sol.

Mark Messier selling hockey to Vancouver Canucks fans is like Bono selling anti-spamware to Mac users.

Renee Zellweger had the most radical makeover since Pierre the Pelican.

Who expends more calories during the course of a game: a Royals relief pitcher or a fan at Kauffman Stadium?

The Utica Comets have a longer home sellout streak than the Vancouver Canucks.

Bruce Bochy's voice sounds like a Big Lewbowski character.
A cross between John Goodman's Walter Sobchak and Sam Elliott's The Stranger narrator.

Buffalo drew 10,000 for a junior game between Erie and Niagara.
They may become the first city to upgrade from the NHL to the OHL.

Harold Reynolds has been voted off the island of Venezuela.

Two San Francisco radio stations banned Lorde's "Royals" from their airwaves for the duration of the World Series.
Kansas City radio responded saying they wouldn't air any songs by They Might Be Giants, only it wouldn't affect their playlist.

Cowboys RB Joseph Randle landed an underwear endorsement deal after his shoplifting arrest.
The NCAA has warned Jameis Winston to stay away from Red Lobster.

Peyton Manning broke the NFL career record for TD passes.
Maybe now he can get some commercial endorsements.

Fans and police clashed in Morgantown after West Virginia upset #4 Baylor.
Both sides were clamouring for the last table at Cracker Barrel.

Alabama beat Texas A&M 59-0.
So much for all the people who said Johnny Manziel was a "distraction" in college.

The Canucks sellout streak ended Saturday night, October 18th versus Tampa Bay.
What is it with Florida teams and attendance problems?

Florida State said Friday there is no evidence Jameis Winston was paid for the 2000+ items he signed for a memorabilia company.
If true, it will be the lowest monetary return on an autograph since Carrot Top was at that auto show.

Madison Bumgarner chugged six beers at once during the San Francisco Giants NLCS celebration.
See what MLB is depriving kids on the east coast of with their night game start times?

The Seahawks giving away Percy Harvin for free means the 12th Man moves up the depth chart.

The Bruins led the Habs 3-2 late in the second period when someone started flashing a green laser pointer at Tuukka Rask.
Rask said he didn't see it - just like the next three Montreal goals.

Milan Lucic taunted Montreal fans with a mock Stanley Cup raise; as if to say "you've only won 24 of these".
The penalty box sponsor was appropriate: UGG.

Kentucky is ranked #1 in the preseason agents college basketball poll.

The Lakers Steve Nash hurt his back "moving bags".
Uh oh; I wonder if he's going to cut a deal with his fitness clubs and Costco.

Barry Bonds threw out the first pitch before Game 4 of the NLCS in San Francisco.
Afterwards, his clubhouse leather recliner tested positive for needlepoint.

The NBA is experimenting with shorter games.
Or, as the Milwaukee Bucks call it, the Mercy Rule.

Cowboys running back Joseph Randle arrested for shoplifting cologne and underwear in Dallas Monday.
He had to wait until he got back from Seattle because they don't sell either one there.

Who had a worse week in hockey: Henrik Lundqvist or Scorch?

MLS, trying to shed its image in America as a Euro sport, switches beer sponsors from Budweiser to Heineken.

The St. Louis Rams put on a 1999 party for their fans on Monday Night, rolling back hot dog and beer prices 15 years and wearing retro colors.
Unfortunately, the team played like it was 2009.

Phil Jackson said Spike Lee knows nothing about basketball.
Sounds about right; he's spent years watching the Knicks.

Of course Jameis Winston signed autographs for money.
How else is he supposed to raise legal funds?

#1 Mississippi State, #2 Florida State, #3 Ole Miss.
Is this the college football poll or a moonshine competition?

Police at the Eagles-Giants game last Sunday night were looking for a missing leg.
And you thought that was just a Detroit Lions problem.

The Florida Panthers home opener attendance of 11,419 was the lowest in franchise history.
That's fewer that Dade County police nab in a free football tickets arrest warrant sting.

Lou Holtz is proof that talking to plants helps them grow.

Big ratings for the ALCS Game 1.
Most acclaimed TV broadcast out of Baltimore since The Wire.

One of Charlie Strong's "core principles" is no guns.
Further indication he won't last in Texas.

Georgia fans filed a petition for the White House to pardon star running back Todd Gurley.
I'm guessing that will depend if he's on Obama's fantasy team.

On the next CSI: Jameis Winston goes on a date with Todd Gurley's memorabilia dealer to a seafood restaurant.

The camera work by the NHL refs is good.
But Kelly Sutherland says what he really wants to do is direct.

The NFL announced Katy Perry as the Super Bowl halftime act.
That could have kind of a retro flavour: many fans will be rooting for both audio problems and a wardrobe malfunction.

The new NHL Ref Cams are great.
They provide a new angle for reviewing close calls, while simultaneously picking up 2nd unit footage for The Tooth Fairy 2.

Chinese TV has banned stars who take drugs or visit prostitutes.
So much for American sports leagues' growth in Asia.

Colin Kaepernick was fined by the NFL for wearing Beats by Dre headphones.
No music - he was just trying to drown out Jim Harbaugh.

Chris Pronger is joining the NHL's Department of Player Safety.
Joining him as player rep on the Fair Play Committee will be Brad Marchand.

The Detroit Tigers "Call to the Bullpen" is sponsored by Kingsford Charcoal.

Gamers are complaining that NBA 2K 15 is unplayable.
Stop using Raymond Felton of the Knicks as a point guard.

I like the San Francisco Giants versatility.
They can beat you with steroids; they can beat you with chardonnay.

Has Luis Suarez bitten anyone yet this season?
He's probably not playing Halloween weekend for religious reasons.

FIFA officials inspected the BC Place turf ahead of the 2015 Women's World Cup.
Probably hoping to find some lucky toonies or loonies hidden in the carpet.

Ex-Biogenesis chief Tony Bosch had his bail revoked after failing two drug tests.
He forgot Tony Montana's first rule of Drug Club: don't get high on your own supply.

USA Swimming suspended Michael Phelps six months after his latest DUI charge.
Phelps will be missing the 2015 world championships, indicated he needs to spend time outside of party environments, and hopes to see everyone in Rio.

There were so many Houston Texans fans in Cowboys Stadium Sunday, the Dallas sideline had trouble hearing Jerry Jones calling plays.

It's down to Almaty, Kazakhstan versus Beijing to host the 2022 Winter Olympics.
Kazakhstan is billing itself as "the world's largest landlocked country".
Who is chairing their bid committee, Sacha Baron Cohen?

A man running in an inflatable bubble was rescued off the coast of Florida.
I bet it was Will Muschamp.

The LA Kings will have their names engraved on the Stanley Cup by the Kardashians' nails.

No headset; just a jolly guy clapping on the sideline.
Michigan basically has a mascot as head coach.

Stephen Hawking says he can't wrap his head around the Detroit Tigers bullpen ERA.

The Oregon Ducks got a costly celebration penalty late in the Arizona game.
They were praying to Phil Knight.

2013 MLS champs Sporting Kansas City visited the White House this week.
They weren't invited; but like everyone else these days, they just went in anyway.

The Ottawa Senators just signed one of their ice girls to a 7-year contract.

The Washington Nationals hid Jayson Werth garden-gnomes all over the D.C. area, and whoever finds the 6 autographed ones wins tickets to game two of the NLDS.
Just what the White House security detail needs right now: a frenzied scavenger hunt.

The Oregon Ducks wore some pink Thursday night versus Arizona to raise awareness of garish, weekly uniform changes.

Matthew McConaughey met with the Texas Longhorns football team during practice.
The next day, half of them tested positive for traces of marijuana.
Call it the Ross Rebagliati Effect.

The chance that Brady Hoke is Michigan's coach next season is lower than Bluto Blutarsky's grade point average.

The NFL Draft is now set for April 30-May 2, but it's still unknown if Jameis Winston will free fall in a green room in Chicago or Los Angeles.

North Korea leader Kim Jong-un has been hospitalized with two broken ankles.
That's on Rodman's coaching!
Why did he have him guarding Chris Paul?