A big Arsenal fan friend of mine explained how Osama bin Laden could attend matches in the '90s without being attacked or arrested: "People were too busy beating up Spurs fans to worry about turning on one of their own".

Iran announced it will send its first female skier to compete in Vancouver at the Winter Olympics, stating she will compete wearing "full Islamic dress".
That didn't work out very well in Beijing for their women's swim team.

Isiah Thomas says he is doing OK and helping the New York Knicks prepare for the draft.
This is like Dick Cheney helping with gun control.

Team U.S.A. was embarrassed at the World Baseball Classic when their game against Puerto Rico was stopped with the Americans down 10 runs in the 7th inning, invoking the Little League-style "mercy rule".
The Puerto Ricans then celebrated by having their manager take them out for pizza and ice cream at Chuck E. Cheese's.

The Oakland Raiders sent a scathing letter to Tennessee about their ex-coach Lane Kiffin, alleging he may at some point have actively supplied information about the team to its opponents.
Do the Raiders know that preseason loss last year was to the Titans and not the Volunteers?

The general manager of Vancouver's 2010 Winter Olympic games has announced he is retiring this spring.
Hey - whatever happened to the captain going down with his ship?

The Toronto Maple Leafs have inked a deal to have their playoff games broadcast on the new Obituary Channel.

Jacksonville Jaguars WR Matt Jones is off to jail after violating terms of the plea deal in his drug case by drinking a couple of beers while playing golf with his buddies last week.
Of course, a recovering drug user should never be golfing in the first place: the windmill is bound to remind him of Amsterdam.

A-Rod's out til May? Oh, no - he's gonna miss his best month of the year.

Terrell Owens should fit in in Buffalo like Jimmy Fallon has slid into the Late Nite chair.

Terrell Owens' agent says to expect a deal within a week.
It's unclear if he means signing with an NFL team or an endorsement agreement with Sharpie pens.

Bad Timing Award: Just what the global economy didn't need: everyone on the planet taking two and a half weeks off to watch the World Baseball Classic.

Miami beat Phoenix 135-129.
The Big Ten wants to know if this was over 2 games or 3?

The Dallas Cowboys have released Terrell Owens less than 9 months after he signed a lucrative 4-year contract.
Can't wait to see he and Jerry Jones' pre-nups.

The Dakar Rally announced it will again hold its race in Chile and Argentina in January, 2010, despite the economy and the death of a driver in this year's event.
Organizers will now require all drivers to have raced in a World Rally competition, one Dakar Rally in the past three years, and have a 100% completion rate in Gran Turismo.

Who will return to Hawaii first: the Pro Bowl or Notre Dame?

The U.S. won its first world bobsled title in 50 years.
Sliding downhill on a wild ride would be a good metaphor for the economy, except the sledders found a bottom and there was gold there.

The Kansas City Royals set a record by signing the most generic-sounding baseball player ever - Juan Cruz - to a 2-year contract.
This after they passed on going after Drew Anderson, Matt Smith or Brandon Jones.

Stephon Marbury has agreed to a contract buyout with the New York Knicks.
Under terms of the agreement, the Knicks will pay him $2 per tattoo.

Unlikely but true NBA headline: "Boozer returns to Utah".

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman says the All-Star Game will be coming to North Carolina.
Excellent. I look forward to seeing whittlin' added to the SuperSkills competition.

Lou Holtz will coach a Notre Dame alumni squad against Japan's national football team July 25 at Tokyo Dome.
And you thought Japan was already one of the rainiest countries - wait til they experience a Holth preth conferenth.

The Atlanta Falcons are shopping around Michael Vick, due to be released in five months.
So far they've only heard from Al Davis and Cruella de Vil.

Chicago, Madrid, Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro and Shreveport submit bids for 2016 Olympic Games.

Interesting that so many national media who blasted Brett Favre failed to notice that the team (Green Bay) who let him go last year went from 13-3 to 6-10, and the team (NY Jets) that picked him up this year went from 4-12 to 9-7.

Eastern Washington was hit with heavy sanctions by the NCAA Wednesday.
Shock waves went through college football as if The Pink Panther 2 had been banned from the Oscar ceremonies.

Louisiana may be short on subsidy payments it makes to help keep the Saints in New Orleans.
Where would they relocate to?
Considering the Jazz wound up in Salt Lake City, the Saints are a good bet for Las Vegas.

Alex Rodriguez has also tested positive for catnip.

A 60-year-old Calgary woman has given birth to twin boys after trying to conceive for 40 years.
Debate is raging across Canada over the ethics of bringing two more Flames fans into the world.

They say marijuana is a gateway drug.
I guess Kellogg was worried about Michael Phelps getting into frosted flakes.

In the wake of the Shrine Game and Senior Bowl: when are the East and South meeting to decide this thing?

Two men were arrested in Arizona for searing pro-Cardinals slogans onto Eagle Donovan McNabb's lawn.
Upon hearing of burning grass, the yard was descended upon by Phoenix police officers and several members of the Suns.

Pacman Jones is being sued by his former attorney who claims Jones owes him money from 18 cases in which he represented either family or friends of Jones on charges ranging from speeding to kidnapping to murder.
Looking to lighten his caseload work, the lawyer is now switching to representing a major organized crime family.

ESPN Radio on Jay McGwire's book proposal on his brother Mark: "More evidence is emerging that Mark McGwire may have used performance-enhancing drugs during his career."
Right. This is a developing story like more evidence is emerging that Meryl Streep can act.

The Washington Huskies may have committed a secondary NCAA violation by "simulating a game-day experience" in their recruitment of Desmond Trufant.
Big deal; didn't the Huskies do that at every game this season?

Departing Chicago Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood took out a full-page announcement in local papers thanking fans for their support.
Younger Cubs fans can't recall the last time this happened: someone buying a full-page ad in the Tribune.

Good news for fans of Stanley Park's famed hollow tree: it may be preserved forever.
It's the 2nd most popular spot in Vancouver for visitors to have their picture taken, after the Canucks goal crease.

An Ontario man has been sentenced to six months of house arrest followed by three years probation for bilking unsuspecting members of the public out of money by posing as an NHL player and charging for appearances.
And yet, the Ottawa Senators skate free.

A Wired.com headline states "Bulls Cloned From Decade-Old Frozen Testicles".
This is the most excited Chicago basketball fans have been in ages.

79-year-old Bobby Bowden will be back for a 34th season as head coach at Florida State, he announced to the press Friday via a test message.
Or as they call that in State College, Pennsylvania, "Grad Assistant".

Cleveland's LeBron James was called for a travel when driving for a potential game-tying basket in the Cavaliers narrow loss to the Washington Wizards, but he claims it was a "crab dribble".
Sounds like it's time for a bib or a special shampoo.

Bills safety Ko Simpson was arrested after refusing to leave a rowdy scene outside a bar.
"I'm Ko Simpson with the Buffalo Bills," he allegedly yelled at police officers. "I am worth millions!"
Simpson is in his 3rd year and made $445,000 this season.
Hmm...there's either something wrong with his math or he must have had a helluva year picking stocks in a bear market.

The NFL announced it is shifting next year's Pro Bowl to Miami the week before the Super Bowl.
It's all part of the league's new program to keep its players out of late-night trouble.
Other sites considered for the game were Las Vegas on Halloween and Gaza at the end of Ramadan.

The Alabama attorney general is investigating alleged contact between a Crimson Tide football player and a textbook.

New York Jets DE Shaun Ellis was fined $10,000 for throwing a chunk of snow at fans in Seattle.
Teammate Brett Favre escaped a fine when a fan caught his snowball before it reached its intended target.

In the wake of the CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett signings, Mats Sundin picked the Canucks over the Rangers after his agent pointed out there was no more cash left in New York City banks.

Trevor Linden Day in Vancouver: the Canucks re-named a gate after his jersey #16.
There is a precedent for this: when Mark Messier left town, they named a GM Place washroom after him.

The Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush has been offered $10 million for the footwear by a man in Egypt, and the same amount to pitch in 2009 for the Yankees.

Roberto Luongo has the most closely watched groin since Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.

The Tennessee Titans LenDale White is upset that the Carolina Panthers supposedly stole he and backfield mate Chris Johnson's nickname, "Smash and Dash".
Sounds more like a Christmas shopping spree by the Cincinnati Bengals.

New York beat New Jersey using only 7 of the 15 on their roster.
The Knicks have more inactive players than a fraternity reunion.

Chicago Bears LB Lance Briggs said New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees - whose previous NFL stop was in San Diego - is ill-equipped to handle the cold weather of Chicago.
Yeah, West Lafayette, Indiana - where Brees led the Purdue Boilermakers for 4 years - is some sort of tropical paradise.
Like the school fight song was written by Jimmy Buffett.
"Cheeseburger in sub-orbit".

Major League Baseball's winter meetings are underway in Las Vegas.
Oakland A's GM Billy Beane has stats in hand that prove he has a better chance of making a deal while watching "The Fountains of Bellagio" show rather than "The Sirens of Treasure Island".

Quite a weekend: Michelle Wie qualified for her LPGA tour card and Charlie Weis got his Papa Murphy's pizza card.

Alex Rodriguez says he's "100% sure" he'll play for the Dominican Republic in next year's World Baseball Classic.
The D.R. is excited by this development, but wants expressed, written consent from Major League Baseball that the tournament will be in March and not October.

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman suspended Stars' forward Sean Avery 6 games for speech "detrimental to the league or game of hockey".
Isn't that the definition of a Bettman press conference?

Headline: Governor General agrees to Ottawa Senators' request to suspend season until January.

2010 Olympic organizers are thinking of using "hot-bedding" for employees, where two people sleep in shifts in the same bed.
This practice was originally invented by Sean Avery and Dion Phaneuf.

Notre Dame opted to retain Charlie Weis after they realized his buyout clause included a year's supply of free groceries.

Prediction: Another Canadian federal election will have lower voter participation than NHL All-Star balloting in Alabama.

Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo went for an MRI on his groin today only to find out he is 9,346th on B.C.'s medical waiting list.

Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson was suspended for Thursday's Cincinnati Bengals game after the team said he overslept for an 8:30pm meeting Wednesday.
He must have been watching NBC's Knight Rider.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has been charged with insider trading by the Securities and Exchange Commission.
He allegedly dumped an expensive stock right before it crashed, which is the opposite of what he did when he traded for Keith Van Horn.

The Steelers beat the Chargers in the NFL's first 11-10 final score in history.
Donovan McNabb said he didn't know games could end 11-10.

ABC BRINGING BACK MONDAY NIGHT BASEBALL IN 2009

New York - Saying "the time is right", right now, ABC today announced it is bringing back Monday Night Baseball next spring, in a move it thinks will kick-start the franchise in a way that will rival its stalwart Monday Night Football.

The network also stated it will be reviving new versions of Charlie's Angels, Laverne & Shirley, and Three's Company.

In a joint announcement, ABC and The Rose Bowl said they will be broadcasting chariot races on New Year's Day.

STEELY DAN TO OPEN INNER-CITY THEME PARK

Fort Apache, NY (AP) - Steely Dan's Donald Fagen and Walter Becker announced plans today for a theme park on 10 hectares in The Bronx, in an attempt to "give back" to their New York City/Brill Building roots, and connect with today's inner-city youth.

Rides expected at the park - set to open in 2010 - include the Cold Turkey Rollercoaster, Midnite Cruiser Bumper Cars, and Black Friday Elevator Drop.

Teens and kids will be greeted by colorful and beloved costumed characters from the Dan universe, such as Doctor Wu, Razor Boy, Charlie Freak and Kid Charlemagne.

A NASCAR fan in her RV at Texas Motor Speedway was hit by a stray bullet Sunday morning before the Dickies 500 race.
No word on whether authorities have any suspects but I would look into Texas Tech fans celebrating their win over Texas.
It's no country for burning old couches.

The recent horror movie The Strangers featured unhappy people who wear bags over their heads.
Crowd scenes were filmed at Ford Field.

The New York Knicks placed guard Stephon Marbury on their inactive list before Friday night's 29-point loss to the Philadelphia 76ers.
The Knicks have an "inactive" list? Talk about semantics...

LIVE BLOG OF ORIGINAL HALLOWEEN (30TH ANNIVERSARY)



Great opening titles with the ultra-slow zoom in on the Jack O' Lantern flickering like it was caught in a '70s energy crisis.

"Haddonfield, Illinois Halloween Night, 1963"
Didn't one of the characters in When Harry Met Sally (maybe Carrie Fischer?) say they were from Haddonfield (NJ) during that scene at the double dinner date? What is with towns named Haddonfield giving birth to unspeakable creatures? (I have a wagon wheel coffee table.)

Wow - they weren't upstairs very long - what happened? That guy's going to be talking to therapists the rest of his life about how premature ejaculation resulted in a murder.

It's nice when a boy greets his parents upon their return home at night. (Something we've lost since '63 , apparently.)

Jump forward to present day ('78): Donald Pleasance and an actress dressed like a nurse smoking and driving.

Pleasance is focused - he's gunning for a Best Supporting Actor nom here and he has an inner intensity that can only come from the knowledge that he's not going to get it.

"The evil is gone!"

Is there anywhere better than the Midwest (actually southern California in these scenes) for Halloween? I think not.

Jamie Lee Curtis' first appearance.

Pleasance is jacked up!

The heavy-breathing (anyone see that Star Wars villain before filming this?) creepy escapee guy is driving around in a car that separates the driver from the back with a wire-mesh cage, like an L.A. taxi. Except heavy-breathing creepy escapee guy (HBCEG) is friendlier than most L.A. cabbies.

Jamie Lee ("Laurie") walks home with her friends, P.J. Soles and "Annie". The girls are carrying a lot of loose books home. Apparently, bags and knapsacks had yet to be invented.

Kids are trick-or-treating at 3:30/4:00 in the afternoon? WTF?

This movie is a bit Hitchcockian and a little like Antonioni - in the sense of challenging what characters (and viewers) see is what they "really" see.

Although this is Jamie Lee's most feminine movie, she's already got a bit of a mannish vibe going on.

Let's go visit the grave site - surely nothing will be amiss here...

Great shot and music choice with the girls in the car.
No additional cowbell needed.

The town cop (and dad of one girl) fails to notice that the girls' car smells like a Cheech & Chong tour bus.

Hardware store break-in: " Probably kids. All they took was Halloween masks, some rope, and knives."

Yeah, probably. But there's one kid whose Captain Kirk costume has been ruined.

The light just jumped about 2 hours in one cut: from almost sunset to pitch black.

Visit to the now-reputedly-haunted house from the prologue. Someone's been eating a dog. Pleasance: "This isn't a man!"

They're watching "The Thing" - which John Carpenter would remake a few years later.

Annie is in the garage doing laundry... "Paul, is this one of your cheap tricks? Oh, guess not..."
Annie, it's just the dream police, they live inside of your head.

Why aren't these kids trick-or-treating? Were they in the 3:30 group and have since showered and changed?

53 minutes in...(SPOILER ALERT!) someone's finally going to bite it. Why is there condensation on the windshield? Maybe because Darth Vader is meditating in the back seat.

Donald Pleasance is hanging out in front of the old haunted house like Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin. He likes to scare kids: "Lonnie! Get your ass away from there!"

Now we have the skeptical sheriff dismissing the warnings: "More fancy talk." They don't like the fancy talk in small town Illinois.

The bed sheet ghost costume with Bob's glasses is an iconic image from the film. Who ya gonna call?

Jamie Lee's going over to the house where bad things await. DON'T GO IN THERE JAMIE!

Ah, we're in the initial mode of "Alright you guys - joke's over!" "C'mon you guys - cut it out."

Don't go upstairs, Jamie - what are you doing?

The orange-ish lit space under a door - an enduring Hollywood favorite.

Under attack, Jamie runs door-to-door looking for help or collecting for UNICEF. Maybe people think it's just Halloween pranksters...oh, the irony!

The phone lines are dead...ah, the world before cells.

Putting the knife down and relaxing: worst idea in movie history.

Jamie's in the closet (literally, not figuratively - we think) - looking for something to wear in The Fog.

Pleasance - in a fit of rage knowing he will never be recognized for his supurb acting work - shoots HBCEG, aka The Boogeyman, but yet again no one seems to want to finish him off by further shots or, I dunno, decapitation. This guy makes Rasputin look like a quitter.

Classic ending with Carpenter's musical score and visually revisiting many of the main scenes' houses and locales.

This super-low-budget marvel was followed by about a dozen sequels that had all the charm of Dane Cook wise-cracking his way through a death camp.

Fifteen out of eighty-six football players failed street drug tests recently taken at the University of North Texas.
The 17% drug-using figure is believed to be the lowest college rate ever recorded.

Bud Selig wanted to call Game 5 of the World Series a tie Monday night, but then relented and said whoever wins the completed game Tuesday gets to host the All-Star Game next year.

The Sarah Palin hockey curse continued as she dropped the first puck for the St. Louis Blues 4-0 home ice loss to the L.A. Kings and Blues goalie Manny Legace injured himself stumbling on the ceremonial carpet rolled out for the V.P. candidate.
It's becoming the worst sports omen by a politician since 1984 when Walter Mondale threw out the season-opening pitches for the San Francisco Giants and Milwaukee Brewers.

News outlets said the New York Knicks' Isiah Thomas was rushed to hospital after overdosing on sleeping pills.
The report was incorrect: turns out he had just been reviewing tape of Knicks games.

A photo of Columbus Blue Jacket Mike Commodore lying in bed wearing only boxer briefs and covered in $3000 cash surfaced on the Internet - the same day NHL officials were in the Ohio capitol advising players on how to steer clear of embarrassing situations.
Commodore's defense should have been pointing out there wasn't a woman in the photo with him.
Unlike the NHL, he wasn't expanding into inappropriate southern places.

VP candidate Sarah Palin will drop the ceremonial first puck Friday night before the St. Louis Blues game against the LA Kings.
Do the Blues really want to to do this after the Philadelphia Flyers have gone winless since Sarah P did the same for their opener?
Demand for tickets for a Palin rally Friday morning in Springfield, MO have caused the event to move from a university arena to a Bass Pro Shops parking lot.
So the hockey rinks there hold fewer people than a fishing store parking lot?

A survey of NBA GMs revealed the LA Lakers as their pick to win the league championship.
Joe Biden predicts it will be the Seattle Supersonics.

World Boxing Council president Jose Sulaiman denounced mixed martial arts and its fans,
saying it had sullied the name of his sport and that "boxing fans have class".
Sounds like he's nostalgic for those innocent days of yesteryear featuring Don King, Bob Arum and Mike Tyson.

Just a few hours after losing to Ohio State 45-7 Saturday night, members of the Michigan State football team reportedly got into a brawl with the Spartans hockey team, sending one skater to the hospital.
Whatever happened to "leaving it all on the field"?

Controversy over Brett Favre allegedly having phoned Detroit Lions coaches last month to offer insight into the Green Bay Packers offense prior to their matchup.
This begs the question: who has been calling the Lions opponent every week?

Tampa Bay Rays upper management looks like they probably got ID'd when purchasing the champagne for their pennant celebration.

Penn State beat Michigan for the first time since 1996.
This was so long ago, some of UM's latest recruits were just getting out of diapers - and Joe Paterno was just getting into his.

Michael Lewis' nonfiction bestseller "Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game" is being developed as a motion picture possibly starring Brad Pitt.
What's next: is Bill James' agent shopping around old Baseball Abstracts?

The Chicago Blackhawks fired coach Denis Savard after just 4 games of the new NHL season.
From a season-time frame perspective, this is the equivalent of an NFL coach getting fired during the second half of the opener.
Or less time than it takes Al Davis to wash a track suit.

Barack Obama has taken out billboard ads inside EA Sports online video games.
John McCain is firing back during the World Series with scoreboard and outfield ads in Yankee Stadium.

Researchers say bullying in the workplace has become such a big problem in Canada they have launched a website to help people fight back.
The first few people to join were members of the Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

Bad news for Kwame Brown: the NBA announced it is eliminating 80 jobs in the U.S.

Have you seen a blocked punt more all over it than the Cardinals-Cowboys in OT Sunday?
I've had shoe shines with less contact.

On a wild day in college football, Nos. 1, 3 and 4 fell.
It was like the dream scenario that never materialized for Robert Wagner in the Austin Powers movies.

O.J. Simpson's lawyers cited judicial errors and insufficient evidence Friday in seeking a new trial.
Simpson's appeal for a new trial alleges prosecutors improperly allowed the removal of two prospective jurors.
The part of the juror screening questionnaire I love is this gem: "Are you aware of any previous O.J. Simpson trials?"
This ensures that his jury will be made up of cavemen, theoretical particle physics researchers and citizens of North Korea.

Evander Holyfield has been offered a title fight in Germany with WBA heavyweight champion Nikolai Valuev in December.
What - was Kimbo Slice unavailable?

Barry Bonds was the honorary chair of Tuesday night's annual lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree in San Francisco.
Next month, Mark McGwire will lead the traditional Easter Egg hunt of pills on the BALCO's front lawn.

Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin will drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoff at the Philadelphia Flyers season opener Saturday night.
Hope she does better than her previous experience refereeing hockey players.

A California woman has been charged with stalking LA Lakers forward Luke Walton.
She has done what no New York Knick has been able to: closely shadow an NBA player.

A Toronto investment firm executive is the #1 suspect in a series of local bank robberies.
It's the region's biggest recent financial crime outside of the Maple Leafs and their season ticket holders.

Notre Dame may be unranked after 4-1 for the first time ever, but coach Charlie Weis was ranked #1 by South Bend/Goshen, IN buffet restaurant owners in their annual "Most Feared Customer" poll.

In an EliteXC MMA bout on CBS Saturday night, Seth Petruzelli TKO'd Kimbo Slice at 14 seconds of the 1st Round.
It's believed to be the fastest collapse on prime-time network TV since the Couric-Palin interview and the Caveman sitcom.

The entire University of Wisconsin band has been suspended from the Badgers big showdown game with Ohio State Saturday night for "inappropriate alcohol use, hazing and sexualized behavior".
There goes a whole week of prepping for their planned halftime show: a tribute to Motley Crue.

The Vancouver Canucks named Roberto Luongo their new captain, despite the NHL not having had a goalie as captain in over 60 years and it being against league rules.
(No, Canucks fans, "Captain Kirk" doesn't count.)
The Canucks are really thinking outside the box: their zamboni driver is running for Transportation Minister.

Investigators ruled that no Chinese gymnasts were underage in Beijing and no medals would be lost.
Lance Armstrong immediately praised the probe and asked that they monitor his 2009 Tour de France campaign.