One side of the BC Place Stadium scoreboard wasn't working on Saturday afternoon during the Whitecaps game.
Do you really need it?
If you can't keep track of the score in a soccer match, you're probably going to have trouble finding your way home afterwards.

In a week with some difficult stories, perhaps none was as awkward as British sportscasters having to explain Yankees reliever Mariano Rivera tearing his ACL shagging balls.

The Heat's Chris Bosh and his wife welcomed their baby Jackson into the world Thursday at 3AM.
A little over 12 hours later, Jackson had already taken Carmelo Anthony off the dribble.

Remember just a few years ago the U.S. was rallying behind New Orleans?
And now they're like the NFL's outlaw penal colony.
We haven't seen a turn to the dark side like that since Darth Vader.
Did George Lucas buy NFL Films?
And does that mean the recent Super Bowls will be re-released in 3D with CG enhancements?
Darth Vilma.

Unusual feat in Anaheim Wednesday night: Albert Pujols got a hit.

Joakim Noah: Woodstock called; they want their hairstyle back.

Protesters smashed the windows of banks and cars in Seattle.
They are taking this proposed college football playoff system pretty hard, after realizing without a 64-team field there is no room for the Huskies.

The CFL Draft is Thursday and the Washington Redskins are already trying to trade up.

I hope analysts don't ruin the CFL Draft by Tweeting picks ahead of time.

A major political hurdle in Ontario court was overcome to pave the way for a return of pro football to Ottawa.
Which is great, because the LFL was hoping for a geographical rival for the Toronto Triumph.

The Knicks are so out of answers on how to stop the Heat they are reaching for fire extinguishers.

Marvel Studios is working on Ant-Man, a movie about a superhero scientist with the ability to communicate with insects.
Finally, someone who can talk to Gary Bettman.

A Detroit Tiger was accused of a hate crime.
You mean other than Brandon Inge hating hitting cowhide with wood?

The Cleveland Browns may look at taking a QB in the 2nd or 3rd round.
Weeden's getting old.

I like how they saluted the veterans right after Brandon Weeden's pick.

Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine temporarily filed the wrong lineup card after consulting his iPhone to see which arm Twins starter Liam Hendriks throws with.
When he heard about the incident, Tigers manager Jim Leyland said "What's an iPhone?".

Calvin Johnson of the Lions scored the cover of Madden NFL '13.
It's the first time a Detroiter's been on the cover of anything since Ford's 1966 annual report.

Calvin Johnson of the Detroit Lions was voted the cover of Madden NFL '13.
The New Orleans Saints will get the cover of Team Fortress 3.

Suspended New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton will coach his pre-teen son's football team.
He's already bugged the tree fort of an upcoming opponent.

The Ottawa Senators Chris Neil with the controversial kicking motion goal late in Game 6 versus the Rangers.
When Ottawa is eliminated, he has a tryout waiting with Toronto FC.

Patrick Kane being interviewed by attractive on-ice female sportscasters is like Prince Fielder being interviewed by pizza.

The Florida Panthers Brian Campbell was nominated for the Lady Byng award.
If he wins, he would be the first defenceman since 1954.
Is that an award you really want a defenceman winning?
That's like having Kate Upton model burqas.

Well now we know why Ron Artest changed his name to Metta World Peace: so he wouldn't be considered a repeat offender.

A New Jersey man paid $1.2 million for a 1909 Honus Wagner baseball card.
Now he just needs Jamie Moyer to finish the set.

Jessica Dorrell has resigned from her position in the Arkansas athletic department.
Does she add that job to her resume?
Somebody ask George O' Leary.

Reports said the Kenyans overcame the 30 C heat to win the Boston Marathon Monday.
Kind of like when that Alaskan overcame the snow to win the Iditarod.

The BCS crystal football championship trophy was shattered on Saturday when the father of an Alabama player slipped on a rug and knocked it off its display.
Is it any wonder the rug at Alabama provides uneven footing with everything that's been swept under it the past few years?

James Cameron is honoring the 100th anniversary of a journey that resulted in disaster when it hit ice by making a new film.
It's a documentary called "Canucks and Penguins: The Road To The Stanley Cup".

Flyers-Penguins to headline UFC 146

A married couple bid $100,000 at an auction to spend a day with Tim Tebow.
Are they aware it won't go beyond holding hands?

The White Sox-Tigers game had to be stopped and the batter's box re-sized after it was discovered Chicago may have intentionally made it a foot too short in an attempt to slow down Detroit's powerful bats.
Did they think no one would notice the boxes looked small with Fielder and Cabrera standing in them?

Is the Phoenix Coyotes goalie hiding from something in his past?
The guy wears a mask and calls himself "Mike Smith".

Frank McCourt signed autographs for crowds of fans at Dodger Stadium Tuesday.
He's still got a divorce payment deadline coming up at the end of the month: a little risky to be signing every piece of paper strangers throw in your face.

The Edmonton Oilers won the NHL Draft Lottery, despite claims on it from a woman at a Maryland McDonald's.

Ozzie Guillen got suspended for 5 games for his comments regarding Fidel Castro, but he will use the time off to visit friends in North Korea for that rocket launch.

Marlins Park, the new home stadium for Miami baseball, has no mirrors in the public washrooms.
The organization was worried too many fans would waste time in front of a mirror freshening up, reapplying makeup, gossiping.
And in Miami, that's just the men.

Baylor basketball coaches are in hot water with the NCAA after an investigation found over a thousand impermissible smart phone exchanges with young prospects.
The coaches claim they were just Words With Friends random opponents.

Facebook bought Instagram for $1 billion.
That's the biggest financial outlay since Warren Sapp went to Foot Locker.

A large crowd of 15,000 showed up for an Easter service in Texas where Tim Tebow spoke for 20 minutes, many leaving before the main Sunday sermon.
So he shone as the opening act?
First time for everything.

Fun weekend in the Petrino household.
The "Easter Bunny" better be leaving apologies all over the property.

Roller coaster week for Vancouver's transgender beauty pageant contestant Jenna Talackova.
First, Donald Trump reinstated her in the Miss Universe Canada contest.
The bad news is she was rejected for membership at Augusta National Golf Club.

Isiah Thomas said he was "stunned and disappointed" to be fired from Florida International after going 26-65 over three seasons.
On the bright side, he can now devote himself full-time to wrecking the New York Knicks draft.

A player scored 113 points in a Lebanese basketball Division A tournament game.
Who was guarding him - Andrea Bargnani?

Has Bobby Petrino jumped the shark?

Nike unveiled the new NFL uniforms Tuesday.
New Detroit Lions colors: red, gold and green.

Are The Fray touring right now?
They performed the anthem Monday night right in front of a spot on the floor that read "The Road Ends Here".

Dozens of arrests in Lexington when couches and cars were set on fire after Kentucky won the national championship.
NIce to see stuff other than crosses burning.

The Indians Ubaldo Jimenez was suspended for 5 games for beaning ex-Rockies teammate Troy Tulowitzki.
The Indians are expected to appeal to try to lesson the penalty.
Suspending a starting pitcher for 4 games is like telling a DH he can't bring his glove to the game.

Werner Ladder is the official ladder of the NCAA Basketball Championship.
It also comes in handy to take down banners after sanctions hit.

The Kraft Nabisco Championship is a major on the LPGA tour?
As Jim Nantz would say: "Cheese and crackers are a late night snack unlike any other."

Jamie Moyer's favorite stadium to pitch in is Jurassic Park.

The Saskatchewan franchise in the Lingerie Football League is nicknamed Rage.
I was hoping for Regina Monologues.

Stephon Marbury says he is not interested in joining an NBA team for the playoffs.
After leading his team to the Chinese Basketball Association championship, I thought he would be hungry for another title right away.

We could be looking at "One Shining Eyebrow" Monday night.

Florida Gators point guard Erving Walker was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor after he got a $3 taco from a street vendor and then ran away without paying.
He's likely to get off lightly as he doesn't have a prior history of stealing; getting 0 in 32 minutes in the Gators West Regional final loss to Louisville.
When several marked patrol cars finally caught up with him, he said he was "just playing around".
How many clients does Jerry Sandusky's lawyer have?

Jamie Moyer - 49-years-old and coming off Tommy John surgery - was named the Colorado Rockies number-two starter.
This after being cut from the Phillies batting practice squad.

I'm not sure how hands-on Magic Johnson plans to be as a Dodgers owner, but he just named Sheila E. as general manager.

A truck crash in Ontario spilled $3 million in coins and candy across a highway.
Probably on its way to Ottawa to meet the details of Kyle Turris's contract.

Female volleyball players no longer have to wear bikinis in the Olympics.
Naturists everywhere are rejoicing. Guys are high-fiving.

The Louisville Cardinals logo appears to be an Angry Bird.
Too bad they can't play Arkansas in the Final Four.

Reports say Allen Iverson earned $200 million during his basketball career and is now broke.
Apparently he financed the movie John Carter.

The Texas Rangers unveiled their new 2-foot-long, $26 hot dog.
Just another reason Prince Fielder switched leagues.

The New Black Panthers have taken out a $10,000 bounty on Florida shooter George Zimmerman.
Confused Carolina coach Ron Rivera is worried about getting a call from Roger Goodell.

Louisville, Ohio State, Kentucky, Kansas.
Great Final Four...if you're a fan of the movie Deliverance.

Did the New Orleans Hornets have a bounty on the LA Clippers Blake Griffin?
If David Stern doesn't suspend Jason Smith, Roger Goodell probably will.

Something tells me the only Hi-Liter the Louisville basketball players have seen is their uniform color.

The Louisiana Republican primary is this Saturday.
I wonder which candidate wants the endorsement of Roger Goodell?

The New Orleans Saints hosting Super Bowl week this season will sort of be like Delta House throwing that toga party.

eBay's servers crashed Tuesday afternoon as millions of Broncos "Tebow 15" jerseys were listed at the same time.
What are they going to do with all those things that are just a few months old?
Convert them to sacks and Peyton can use them for bank trips.

Report from the Philippines: Manny Pacquiao says God has told him to retire.
Upon hearing the news, Tim Tebow said: "Why couldn't He have told Peyton Manning that?"

Vancouver Canucks owner Francesco Aquilini and his wife are going through a divorce.
They are currently embroiled in a custody battle over Mason Raymond.

After week 1, President Obama's NCAA bracket is in the 98th percentile at ESPN.
That's 48 points higher than his most recent approval rating in a Reuters poll.

A plant at the Royal Botanic Gardens in England bloomed for the first time in 40 years.
In Canada we call that the Maple Leafs.

News that Osama bin Laden spent his final days plotting to assassinate President Obama caused a brief rise in U.S. alert levels, as security was beefed up at basketball arenas around the country.

A gun battle interrupted a Mexican Baseball League exhibition game.
Spring Training: it's that time of year, where they decide who's going to throw out the Opening Day first grenade.

Penn State apologized for firing Joe Paterno by phone.
Carrier pigeon would have been more appropriate.

Tim Tebow is the favorite to appear on the cover of Madden 13.
Oh no, does that mean passing is going to be even more difficult?

Randy Moss is heading to the Bay Area.
That's San Francisco, not Montego Bay, unfortunately for Jamaican marijuana farmers.

The large signs Telus was making for the outside of BC Place may have been the deal breaker in the naming rights agreement.
Apparently, the signs said "Make Some Noise".

Headline: Charlotte Bobcats denied NCAA tournament bid.

Overseeded: Georgetown, Wisconsin, Octomom.

Barry Switzer's life story is being adapted into a Hollywood feature film.
Theaters will only accept ticket payments in the form of cash in envelopes.

Loneliest people in the sports world this weekend: the incumbent QB on whatever team Peyton Manning signs with, and scalpers outside the Staples Center at the Pac-12 tourney.

The Knicks got smoked on the road by the Spurs.
New York hasn't won in San Antonio since 2003.
The only ones with a longer drought winning there is the Mexican Army.

A former Toronto Argonauts defensive lineman said bounties are alive and well in the CFL.
The players pay each other out in Canadian Tire money.

The Royal Canadian Mint has issued a $10 commemorative coin depicting the Titanic heading ominously toward an iceberg.
I trust the Canadian ice making team won't bury it at the next international hockey tournament for good luck.

St. Mary's beat Gonzaga in OT to win the West Coast Conference basketball tournament.
Shouldn't that have been the play-in for the Pac-12 championship game?

I'm not saying the Saints were taking out contracts on opposing players, but they just placed their franchise tag on Vincent Vega.

More New Orleans bounty revelations: Drew Brees was giving teammates beads if he could see them topless.

Dwyane Wade has patched things up after his hard foul in the NBA All-Star Game.
He bought Kobe some jewellery.

What is this about Tiger Woods wanting to be a Navy SEAL?
Was the government planning a hit on Hugh Hefner?

The NFL is moving its opening game to Wednesday night to avoid a conflict with Barack Obama's scheduled speech at the Democratic National Convention.
The President really appreciates it, as he was worried he was going to have to skip the convention to watch the game.

Headline: "Mormons posthumously baptize Charlotte Bobcats".

Columbus offered Rick Nash to Vancouver at the trading deadline, but the Canucks rejected the Blue Jackets request of Cody Hodgson, Cory Schneider, three #1 draft picks, and this week's box office receipts of The Artist.

Georgetown beat Notre Dame 59-41.
Looks like the Fighting Irish are auditioning for the Big Ten.

For the first time, the Daytona 500 was postponed until Monday.
On lap 1 the drivers had to drop their kids off at school.

Moneyball may have gone 0-for-6 at the Oscars, but it wasn't baseball's biggest loser on Sunday.
After signing third baseman Ryan Zimmerman to a six-year, $100 million contract extension, that title went to the Washington Nationals.

No wonder Ryan Braun's samples didn't make it to Montreal on time: no one in MLB knows where that is anymore.

NL MVP Ryan Braun got out of his drug suspension because FedEx couldn't get his sample delivered to the lab for nearly 48 hours.
I see a bright future for FedEx as a Tour de France team sponsor.

Albert Pujols is unhappy with the Angels "El Hombre" billboard campaign around southern California, preferring that all forms of that nickname be reserved for Stan Musial.
Similar deal in Detroit, where Prince Fielder is concerned the Tigers "El Gordo" campaign snubs Dmitri Young.