The Omaha Beef of the Champions Professional Indoor Football League have offered Tim Tebow a contract for $75 per game.
They sent his agent a contract in a vacuum-packed, polystyrene box.

Jason Collins joins Matt Barkley as the second athlete this week who should have come out earlier.

Iraq has suspended the licences of Al Jazeera and 9 other channels, accusing them of inciting violence through their news coverage.
Instead of promoting violence, they plan to air the Leafs-Bruins and Sens-Habs series.

A pair of runners were handed lifetime bans from the Vancouver Sun Run for cheating.
They allegedly took a city bus to gain an unfair advantage, but ended up falling even further off the pace.
Also received a fine from transit police cause their transfers had expired.

Tulsa, OK is bidding to host the 2024 Summer Olympics.
Early favorites for gold: the US, Canada and Argentina in calf-roping.

Don Cherry says female reporters shouldn't be allowed in male dressing rooms.
He also doesn't believe fashion consultants should be allowed in clothing store change rooms.

The Tigers Don Kelly is batting .095.
That's the same swing-to-contact ratio as Shelley Duvall on the staircase in The Shining.

4 out of 7 Canadian teams have qualified for the NHL playoffs.
That's the highest percentage since last year's CFL season.

Had to be tough being Geno Smith Thursday night.
It's ironic they call it the Green Room when the Benjamins are disappearing by the minute.

Ottawa, which is slated to begin play in 2014, will have four picks in the 2013 CFL Draft May 6.
What's worse: being traded for a player to be named later, or drafted by a team to be named later?

Manti Te'o not selected in the first round.
Had to kill him to have to leave that phone line open for 24 hours.

"With the 5th pick of the 2013 NFL Draft, the Detroit Lions select Steve Urkel."

The Vancouver Whitecaps got a leg up in their Canadian Championship semi-final with Edmonton.
And Camilo established himself as a contender for next year's Oscars.

Liverpool's Luis Suarez bit someone again; this time Chelsea's Branislav Ivanovic on the arm Sunday.
Would somebody feed this guy?
You're supposed to have sliced oranges at halftime in soccer; not fava beans and a nice Chianti.

The NBA playoffs started on 4/20.
It's like we're living in some fantasy world dreamt up by pizzeria owners.

The Maple Leafs are back in the hunt for Lord Stanley's mug!
I remember all the fun we had online the last time they were in the playoffs...the banter on Friendster, Prodigy and CompuServe.

The NHL will stage a 6-game "Stadium Series" next season, including the Kings and Ducks at Dodger Stadium on January 25th.
Los Angeles County lifeguards will be on hand to make sure no players drown.

Terrific Masters finish.
Was Adam Scott putting with a bunker rake?
Kobe Bryant wants to borrow that thing for a cane.

It was like a giant movie promotion Monday as baseball had all players wear "42" on the back of their jerseys.
Except the Miami Marlins, whose jersey backs read "Scary Movie 5".

In video news, Tiger Woods will replace Carmelo Anthony as the star in Stop Snitching 2: Scorecard Bugaloo.

Tiger Woods was penalized two strokes at The Masters after a viewer called Augusta National to report a rules violation.
The NHL is thinking of establishing a similar hotline for officiating mistakes, but it will be a 1-900 number.

Why are American officials being tougher on the 14-year-old Chinese golfer than the leader of North Korea?
I guess you've gotta choose your battles.

Detroit Tigers send bullpen to hospital for suspected Achilles Heel.

14-year-old phenom Tianlang Guan was given a 1-stroke penalty for slow play at The Masters Friday after his parents insisted he take a quick break for his violin lesson.

Wednesday's White Sox at Nationals game was delayed 15 minutes due to umps stuck in D.C. traffic.
Probably caught up in Barack Obama's security detail driving from the golf course back home for his Master's fantasy draft.

The tinkling of pianos, smell of fresh flowers and people yelling "Get in the hole!". The Masters, or dinner date?

Quick quiz: in college basketball, "40 Minutes Of Hell" refers to A) Nolan Richardson's Arkansas teams, or B) Dick Vitale calling a Duke game.

Floyd Mayweather has $16.7 million on Michigan +4.
About equal to Manny Pacquiao's old annual cockfighting budget.

The Clippers swept their season series with the Lakers 4-zip and clinched the Pacific Division title.
It was the first time a Clipper had won anything since Michael Olowakandi pumped $400 into one of those stuffed animal claw crane games.

The deal for an outdoor NHL game in Dodger Stadium is nearly done.
Apparently, they will play at night and the refrigeration system will keep the ice cool enough if there's no direct sunlight.
No direct sunlight?
I guess the untapped L.A. demo the Kings are targeting is goths and vampire cults.
The Lost Boys of Summer.

Hot rumour: 4 Charlotte Bobcats are going to hold a joint press conference and announce they are really skilled basketball players.

I hope Rodman tells Oddjob to wait until after the Final Four before he tries to wreck the world.

The Miami Heat's Chris Bosh had live camels at his birthday.
Apparently, those Ishtar-theme parties have really caught on.
The celebration cost a ton of money and got mixed reviews.

Reports say North Korea has 2 missiles loaded.
Sales of Dodgers and Angels batting helmets are spiking.

The Vancouver Canucks may be the only company whose solution to an employee partying too much is to send him to Chicago for a week.

Would anyone like Roberto Luongo?
The Vancouver Canucks will trade him for a bag of hockey pucks, a parking pass, or some poutine.

The Astros joined the A.L. and beat the Rangers in baseball's opener Sunday to win the in-state trophy.
It's a canteen containing the last litre of water left in Texas.

Fun fact: Michigan has more living alumni than anyone except Shawn Kemp.

Part of Detroit Metro airport was shut down after a bomb scare.
It was just Nik Stauskas' shot returning to Michigan.

Opening Day in the Mexican League last week.
It was Decapitated Bobblehead Night.

The NCAA has decided to eliminate both Syracuse and Marquette on the Road to the Final Three.

I'm not too worried about North Korea dictator Kim Jong-un's threats.
He's still busy celebrating their World Baseball Classic championship.

Sidney Crosby got Douglas C. Niedermeyer'd by Pens d-man Brooks Orpik.

I have now watched Trey Burke's 3-pointer more times than Oliver Stone has viewed the Zapruder film.

The Jayhawks in the Sweet Sixteen: goofiest looking bunch from Kansas since the cast of Wizard Of Oz.

The NCAA's South Regional is in Cowboys Stadium.
Jerry Jones is drawing up some plays to share with the teams during their timeouts this weekend.

Yankee Stadium is like Field Of Dreams, where all these old star ballplayers from the past appear.

I can't help but think instead of the Shockers, Wichita State should be the Linemen.

Florida Gulf Coast did more damage to Barack Obama's weekend than North Korea and the Mideast combined.

Costa Rica will protest its World Cup qualifying loss vs the U.S. in a Denver blizzard.
To be fair, the pitch looked like Tony Montana's rec room.
When did soccer become part of the Winter X Games?

Apparently, my bracket's "Road To The Final Four" went through the hedge maze in The Shining.

TSN/RDS have extended their CFL broadcast rights through 2018.
They want to make sure they show Paul McCallum's last game.

With the Big Ten basketball conference season over, I see their refs picked up some side work as judges at the Skating Worlds.

Alex Kovalev retired. It's unclear whether the Rangers, Penguins or Canadiens will float his jersey from their rafters.

I'm starting my own NFL franchise.
We're currently $123 million under the salary cap.

Their first postseason win ever was the greatest achievement by Harvard students since they invented Facebook.

Cal beat UNLV in San Jose at the East Regional.
Is it any wonder they say today's American students have a poor grasp of geography?

After each game, Gonzaga's Kelly Olynyk has to get back to the Game Of Thrones set.

Two rockets from Gaza hit southern Israel as President Obama was leaving Jerusalem.
They might have been bunker busters.
That's okay - this week, Barack is more worried about bracket busters.

Saint Louis got stuck in New York traffic on the way to the airport after the Atlantic 10 tourney and had to watch the Selection Sunday show inside a New Jersey Best Buy. (They're a 4-seed.)
On their way back out, an employee tried to sell them an extended warranty on their season.

What happened to the 1915 Millionaires on Retro Night in Vancouver?
By the end of the game it resembled the 1919 stock market crash.
Actually, stocks in 1919 performed better than the Canucks current power play.

The Miami Heat's winning streak is now longer than many of their players can count.

Team USA was eliminated from the World Baseball Classic in Miami by Puerto Rico.
Further proof it's tough to win on the road.

Wisconsin with 6 points in the first 13+ minutes versus Michigan at the Big Ten Tournament.
They look lost without their peach baskets in Chicago.

The Baltimore Ravens haven't even got their Super Bowl rings yet and a third of their starters are gone.
That's going to be the most awkward jewelry presentation since Kobe Bryant.

The Canucks will wear retro 1915 jerseys for the first time versus the Red Wings Saturday night, and Roberto Luongo showed off his Vancouver Millionaires mask.
It's retro 1915 - he should have gone for a vintage World War I gas mask look.

Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong-un and Pope Francis to star in Three Amigos remake.

Fellow Argentine Manu Ginobili says there's no chance this new pope will be a flop.

No winner after the first ballot for a new pope.
If they are deadlocked after the 2nd round, they will settle it on penalty kicks.

The Netherlands beats Cuba 7-6 in the bottom of the 9th and celebrates advancing to San Francisco, the mecca of PEDs.

Is there an unreported SARS outbreak in Japan?
I've noticed people wearing those surgical masks in the stands at the WBC.
I can't imagine attending a baseball game and self-imposing barriers between hot dogs, beer and one's mouth.

That Mexican pitcher repeatedly went after the Canadian hitter like he was a piñata.
Which was ironic, considering for much of the game the Mexicans played like they were swinging a stick while blindfolded.

Scandal at the WBC in Tokyo: Japanese players are being investigated for performance enhancing sushi.

The mercy rule has advanced to the WBC finals in San Francisco.

Gang violence at the Canada-Mexico World Baseball Classic game.
Hey - Mexico's tourism board only wishes 1-in-3 of their pitches could hit a Canadian.

The World Baseball Classic announcers were calling the game over if 10-run lead after 7 innings the "early termination rule".
I guess you could call that last RBI needed to get the game within 9 "Logan's Run".

The Pyongyang Times coverage of the World Baseball Classic has been a little sketchy.
Example first round score: North Korea 43 USA 0.

Milwaukee Brewers GM Doug Melvin was stung by a scorpion inside his Scottsdale hotel room.
Many of us have been stung in hotel rooms, but it's usually by the bill for the mini-bar.

Evil Dead remake premiered in Austin Friday night.
Blackhawks fans thought Evil Dead referred to the last-place Avalanche in Denver.

It doesn't look like Cuba is low on food anymore.

The Netherlands beat Cuba 6-2 at the World Baseball Classic.
It was the most poorly received Cuban performance since Buena Vista Social Club played the Warped Tour.

Italy beat Canada 14-4 at the World Baseball Classic in a game that ended early due to the Little League mercy rule.
After the game, Italy's manager took his players out for pizza and gelato.

Japan and Taiwan tied 3-3 after 9 innings.
Bud Selig says that's ballgame.

An Olympics construction error in Sochi has created a leaning building.
Too bad it's not the short-track speed skating oval.

Mini-brawl late in the Stanford-Cal Senior Night basketball game Wednesday.
It started when a Stanford player dunked on a Cal band trombone player.

Indiana's Cody Zeller has really short arms for his height; just 6'8".
New nickname: Z-Rex.

The TSA announced new carry-on rules in effect starting April 25.
Travellers can now bring hockey sticks and golf clubs into the cabin.
Perfect timing considering that's the last weekend of the NHL season.
Very convenient for teams like the Panthers and Blue Jackets.

What a rally in the 8th!
Did you see the Chinese fan try to start The Wave?

There are four finalist countries bidding to avoid hosting the 2017 World Baseball Classic.

The two best meditation getaways in Asia are Tibetan monasteries and bleachers at the World Baseball Classic.

Scalpers at the World Baseball Classic are the loneliest people in the world.

They wouldn't have lured anyone to this WBC game, but it was Chinese civil servant bobblehead night.

Good to see the Tiananmen Square Tank Man guy is China's 3rd base coach.
I guess the base runners will be holding up.

Sad that Brazil and China had to resort to a 7th Inning Stretch Harlem Shake in a desperate attempt at a ratings boost.

I hope the MLB teams are okay with all these Chinese and Brazilian players being taken out of Spring Training for the World Baseball Classic.

There was a "Green Out" in the crowd at the Brazil-China World Baseball Classic game.
No, wait - those were just the empty seats.

UCLA's Shabazz Muhammad is going pro after 6 months on campus.
Only Cloud Atlas vanished from Hollywood faster.

The last pope not chosen from the College of Cardinals was in 1379, which coincidentally was when Wisconsin started scheduling them in football each season.

After touring North Korean basketball arenas with Kim Jong-un, Rodman reports they are working on a t-shirt cannon that may be able to reach the continental U.S.

What exactly was Dennis Rodman doing in North Korea - trying to establish a franchise in his topless basketball league?