It's being billed as the 100% certified drug-free Tour de France, but someone forgot to test the organizers and team bus drivers.

A Dallas-area restaurant chain has offered Dwight Howard free chicken fingers for life if the free agent signs with the Mavericks.
Zach Randolph wants to know if that's a limited-time offer.

Good to see that truck driver from the Skagit River Bridge collapse found new work: driving the Orica-GreenEDGE team bus at the Tour de France.

Martin Brodeur will grace the cover of EA Sports NHL 14, narrowly winning the honour over Chris Chelios and Rocket Richard.

The New England Patriots ProShop is offering a free exchange on #81 Aaron Hernandez jerseys.
Next weekend, fans can trade it in and receive a #85 Chad Ochocinco jersey.

Anthony Bennett: the first Canadian to hit #1 since Justin Bieber.

Corey Crawford dropped two F-bombs in his speech at the Blackhawks victory parade.
They were the least offensive bombs dropped by a Chicagoan this year.

Someone posted a photo of Patrick Ewing receiving a Knicks Starter jacket after being picked 1st overall in the 1985 draft.
He must have been cold from being near that envelope.

Aaron Hernandez sure rents a lot of vehicles.
Boston-area car salesmen: step your game up!

Aaron Hernandez was released by the Patriots Wednesday.
The Bengals and Vikings are bidding for his services.

The Serena Williams-Maria Sharapova feud continues.
Apparently, they were both seeing the same primal scream therapist.

Will this be Texas' worst pass since Kyle Orton was starting for the Cowboys?

Spanish authorities said they are looking into Lance Armstrong's doping network.
Way to be on the cutting edge of that investigation.
Next they will investigate rumours of drug use at Woodstock.
Hey, Picasso used drugs; better take down those paintings.

WDIV-NBC in Detroit aired a fireworks show instead of Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals.
No such either/or on CBC; that's what Don Cherry's jackets are for.

$10,000 worth of alcohol went missing from a U.S. Open hospitality tent at Haverford College.
First mistake: storing booze on a college campus. Second: hiring John Daly as security guard.

Shocker at Wimbledon: Rafael Nadal got knocked out by a ball boy.

It's like Mike Gillis and Glen Sather went to a fishbowl party.

For his next stunt, Nik Wallenda is going to traverse the chasm between the Philadelphia 76ers and Andrew Bynum's contract negotiations.

Jim Leyland wanted to start Mariano Rivera in the All-Star Game.
That's nothing - he wants Jose Valverde to finish it.

The New England Patriots worked on their two-minute drill during minicamp.
Unfortunately, it was house cleaners.

Hockey Canada and the CHL will host the 2015 and 2017 World Juniors in Montreal and Toronto.
No word yet on whether teams will be allowed to bring their own goalies or be assigned Canadian ones for the tourney.

The Detroit Tigers designated Jose Valverde for assignment, but would like to keep him in the organization if he clears waivers.
IF he clears waivers?
Like D.J. Stephens dunking over Verne Troyer.

David Stern handed out his last Larry O'Brien Trophy. Starting next year, it will be presented by Neil Patrick Harris.

News from college football's endless facilities arms race: the University of Alabama is installing a waterfall in its locker room.
The water source will be the tears of Nick Saban's SEC recruiting rivals.

Corey Crawford?

I haven't seen glove work that shoddy out of Chicago since Leon Durham.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye have reportedly named their daughter Kaidence.
Who's the godfather - Roger Clemons?
I thought they were going to name it World War K.

The University of Notre Dame is releasing its own perfume for fall football season.
Oil of Lennay.

America's most elusive search: Jimmy Hoffa's body or the Blackhawks power play?

The 100th Tour de France is starting June 29th on Corsica and features 100% certified drug-free competitors.
The island will be the site of the first three stages for the 8-rider field.

A report said Dustin Byfuglien weighed 302 pounds at the end of Winnipeg's season.
He actually gained weight during the season.
It's a good thing the Jets missed the playoffs; there's no telling what might have happened.
His weight combined with his hefty contract have made him "untradeable".
The good news is the Blue Bombers have added him to their protected list.

It was odd enough that the NHL announced some major award winners at 5:30pm on a Friday, but by a town crier in Times Square?

Allen Iverson has been accused by his ex-wife of kidnapping their five kids and keeping them in a Georgia hotel room.
Well, he does have a history of kidnapping the ball from teammates.

Patriots owner Robert Kraft claims Vladimir Putin stole his Super Bowl 39 ring when he was in Russia in 2005.
Not too surprising - Putin looks like he's related to Gollum.
We'll see if Lyudmila goes after all the jewellery in the divorce.
This could be the biggest fight over sports memorabilia since O.J. led SEAL Team 32 into that room in Vegas.

Another misstep by the Quebec Soccer Federation: they just banned all Benihana chefs from the pitch.

The Phil Mickelson U.S. Open commentaries had more red eye content than a reggae festival.

The Dodgers and Diamondbacks will open the 2014 MLB season in Sydney, Australia.
It will be a joint event with Wrestlemania 30.

Rumours are heating up again about the possibility of the Coyotes leaving Phoenix for Seattle.
That would be the most significant relocation to the Emerald City since Eddie Vedder moved up from San Diego.

The NFL announced a new rule banning purses from inside stadiums.
In retrospect, Chad Johnson fell out of the league just in time.
Ochocinco travels with more props than Carrot Top.

Patrick Kane with the worst playoff beard ever.
Looks like an Amish cub scout.
Or an extra from Whoville in The Grinch.

Tim Tebow signs with the Patriots.
My Father's sideline has many benches.

The WNBA debuted the Ref Cam, a wearable device on the right side of the head.
It's sort of like Google Glass, except there's no computer and it's hard to see through the glasses.

South Florida deputies rescued an endangered Key Deer Sunday that had a large Doritos bag stuck over its head.
How did they know it wasn't just a Marlins fan?

The Sochi Olympics torch relay got underway with an early start at the French Open.

The U.S. Open golf tournament takes place this week in Pennsylvania.
The Pro-Am day field was just filled out by the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Surfing's World Championship Tour is on the island of Tavarua for the Volcom Fiji Pro.
The island chief's son actually made it through the trials and into the main event, only to be knocked out by 11-time world champ Kelly Slater.
Thus giving Slater a chance to be the first surfer to win a contest *and* be served as a course at the awards banquet.

Tony Bosch of Biogenesis reminds me of Mike Damone in Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Wisconsin basketball announced an August 24 game in Toronto versus the Canadian national junior team.
Great: Canada finally gets together an elite collection of players and now they're all going to get banged up.

The Toronto Raptors are thinking of changing their team name.
OSEG (Ottawa Sports and Entertainment Group) has suggested RedBlackSilvers.
No one except the NBA's next commissioner likes that idea.

The big question on A-Rod's alleged use of PEDs is: why did his supply run out at the end of every September?

I don't think even the fish could save Pittsburgh at this point.

Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka made the French Open quarterfinals.
Production Sound Mixers from the adult film industry are racing to Paris with their recording equipment.

The city of Miami is so nervous about Game 7, no one can sleep today.

Keith Richards hasn't had that much influence over a sporting event since he celebrity refereed a Quidditch match.

The Blackhawks and Kings had to play back-to-back days over the weekend because of a Rolling Stones concert at the United Center tonight.
The Stones are trying to appeal to a younger demographic by booking Jim Cornelison as their opening act.

Jose Valverde is like the bullpen version of a piñata.
Only the people swinging the sticks aren't blindfolded, and when he's hit candy doesn't fly everywhere but home runs.

Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, who is 0-for-24 lifetime in major league at-bats, is campaigning to get into the Home Run Derby.
That could work, if Tigers closer Jose Valverde is pitching to him.

Who thought Miami's "Big Three" would turn out to be LeBron James, Chris "Birdman" Andersen and a Burmese python?

Ohio State president Orville Redenbacher has been expressly warned after getting into hot water once again over remarks he made, this time offending Catholics and the SEC.
One more slip-up and Urban Meyer might fire him.

Ottawa's new CFL team will likely be called the RedBlacks.
That's gotta be confusing for the Washington Redskins.
They're all like: "Why is everyone upset with our nickname? They say reds *and* blacks."

Ottawa's CFL team will be named the RedBlacks.
RedBlacks and Gee-Gees...why did Ottawa hire Sesame Street as their football branding consultants?

For this next round of the NHL playoffs, Ohio State president Gordon Gee slips into the guest chair operating the LA Kings Twitter account, replacing Sergio Garcia.

Soccer is like 6th-grade dating; it's not all about scoring.

The Rangers fired head coach John Tortorella.
The New York Post's Larry Brooks gave him a lift to the airport.

Dwyane Wade took out the Pacers Lance Stephenson in Game 2 with a flying elbow to the temple.
Later, Wade announced he's changing his name to World B. Floored.

Driver Marcos Ambrose said running over that loose camera cable during the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte Motor Speedway "was like getting attacked by a giant squid".
It's great when people make analogies to experiences they couldn't possibly know anything about.
Like a NASCAR fan claiming their sport is as addictive as meth.
Oh, wait a minute...

Suddenly, Rob Ford's drop-back fall at that Grey Cup press event makes more sense.

Hockey Canada bans bodychecking at the peewee level.
Hopefully this extends to parents in the stands.

Indiana Pacers broadcaster Mark Boyle blasted Miami fans for leaving AmericanAirlines Arena down 3 near the end of the game Friday night, saying "they don't deserve any team".
I don't know; if you go by that reasoning, you could make a case they deserve the Panthers, Marlins, Dolphins and Hurricanes.

Great Champions League Final.
Next match: Bayern vs New York Red Bulls/FC Dallas winner for the world title.

The Memphis Grizzlies' Tony Allen was fined $5000 for flopping under the NBA's stronger new postseason rule.
But the best part is it happened on an arm-tug foul by Manu Ginobili.
That is like Yoda and Luke master-apprentice level irony there.

Jonathan Toews spent the 2nd period in the penalty box Thursday.
There hasn't been a captain get that long a time-out since Mutiny On The Bounty.

The 49ers Michael Crabtree might be out for the season after getting injured at Tuesday's OTA.
Apparently, OTA stands for "Oh-oh, torn Achilles".

Was Sergio Garcia operating the LA Kings Twitter account Tuesday night?

Nice try: John Calipari tried to get Kentucky into the NBA Draft Lottery.

Rough bit of karaoke in Saskatoon at the Memorial Cup Saturday. Botched Star-Spangled Banner.
The singer has returned to her day job as Rob Ford's PR spokesperson.

Yahoo is buying photo-sharing website Tumblr for $1.1 billion.
That's the same value as the New York Knicks, but they haven't figured out sharing yet.

The Knicks Jason Kidd in the playoffs: I haven't seen that many zeros since Vince Young took the Wonderlic test.

The Charlotte Bobcats are changing their name back to the Hornets.
Marketing move or witness protection program?

Rumors are the Vancouver Canucks will be after Raffi Torres yet again this summer.
So the headhunter becomes the headhunted.

Alex Edler on Eric Staal: the worst hit in Sweden since ABBA's final album.

Some horrific attendance at the World Hockey Championships.
I don't think Tampa and Miami should host again.

Ironic that during the exact hour Chris Hadfield dropped through the atmosphere, it was Leafs fans who couldn't breathe.

Derrick Rose's least favorite band: Rush.

Updated sabermetrics for the Red Sox Clay Buchholz: WAR 2.5, SPF 30.

The Seattle group upped its bid for the Sacramento Kings to $625 million.
That's the biggest-dollar Washington attempt at a California acquisition since Microsoft bought Yammer.
I wonder if this latest offer will reboot the deal or crash.

Vinny Testaverde and Chris Weinke claim to have fixed Tim Tebow's throwing motion by correcting his footwork.
This is on your resume while you're looking for a job?
Right above listing Joey Harrington as PR coach and JaMarcus Russell as nutritionist.

Should be a nice Mother's Day in the Bryant household.
Kobe taking legal action to get his mom to stop selling his sports memorabilia.
Isn't that the oldest story in the book? My mother threw out my sports cards.
Sports memorabilia...Kobe's mom should give thanks O.J.'s not her son.

At the World Hockey Championships in Helsinki Thursday, France defeated Russia.
Well, that only took 200 years.

Redskins owner Dan Snyder said the team will never, ever change their name.
That's too bad - I think Maryland Redskins sounds way better.

J.A. Happ receiving get well wishes from all over.
Angel Hernandez sent him a note saying he hopes his foot is better soon.

Bobrovsky, Lundqvist, Niemi: Vezina Trophy finalists or biathlon medallists?

R.A. Dickey is 2-5 and the Toronto Blue Jays are 11-21.
Worst start since Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense.

There's been a lot of talk about a proposed second MLS franchise in New York City.
For demographic marketing purposes, I hope the team name is the Cosmos.
It would be great to see people thinking they were named after a cocktail on Sex And The City.

Orb was just awarded the cover of EA Sports Horse Race 14.

Is there a hip-hop version of "My Old Kentucky Home"?

The Chicago Cubs owner threatened to leave Wrigley Field if their stadium renovation plan is denied.
They do realize that's the only reason anyone goes to Cubs games, don't they? To hang out at Wrigley.
The Cubs without Wrigley would be like the SI swimsuit issue without photos.

The SEC unveiled its own network which will begin broadcasting in August 2014.
They plan to air football, basketball, and endless reruns of Dukes of Hazzard.

Reports say Geno Smith was texting and tweeting during pre-draft meetings with NFL teams.
One of them was probably to his agent, saying "I better go #1 overall - or else".

The New York Knicks have achieved the impossible: they're even less likeable than the Miami Heat.

What will end up being more lifeless in the 3rd: the Vancouver Canucks Wednesday night or the upcoming Hangover movie?