Not a good sign: Tim Tebow's passer rating Friday equaled Bluto from Animal House's GPA.

What would happen if the Manchester United players weren't all on the same page?

Reports say members of Alex Rodriguez's inner circle outed other baseball players for using PEDs.
What is going on in New York?
It might be time for Carmelo Anthony to make another anti-snitching video.

Lots of colleges are banning autographs at their spring games and fan days.
Makes sense in the SEC, where half the players can't spell their name in crayon, anyway.

North Vancouver's Grouse Grind was named one of the 10 Most Dangerous Hikes In The World by Outside magazine.
Amongst the dangers: spilling your latte.

Roberto Luongo posted that the tires on his car were stolen out of his driveway.
Hey, look at the bright side: maybe they were taking them away to pump them up.

President Obama has invited the 1972 Miami Dolphins to the White House for an upcoming visit.
The timing is a bit strange - maybe he just wants some help with his Fantasy Football draft.

Amar'e Stoudamire has applied for Israeli citizenship.
Is this the first step in the master plan to relocate Madison Square Garden to Tel-Aviv?

The Russian Olympic Committee says it will punish any athletes who show support for LGBT rights while at the Sochi Winter Olympics.
There go the figure skating outfits.

Tiger Woods: we haven't seen anything fade on weekends like this since the release of After Earth.

Responding to criticism, Toronto mayor Rob Ford said he had "a couple of beers" at a street festival Friday night.
Apparently, fall QB practice for politicians is underway.

A-Rod is making history chasing down Willie Mays and Pete Rose on the all-time homers and time suspended lists.

After the A's Josh Reddick hit 5 home runs in two games versus Toronto, Blue Jays manager John Gibbons said: "His home runs have been down this year, but he seems to be picking it up."
Once he's relieved of his managerial duties, Gibbons may have a future as an analyst.

Where is Greg Norman at Oak Hill?
I thought he had a lifetime exemption for all tournaments played on courses whose names sound like wineries.

How bad was Phil Mickelson's round Saturday at the PGA Championship? He failed to shoot the temperature.

The Detroit Tigers finally released Jose Valverde from his Triple-A contract.
Jim Leyland gave that guy more farewell tours than The Who.

Doug Gilmour, GM of the OHL Kingston Frontenacs, traded his son Jake to the Niagara IceDogs.
Somewhere, Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson are smiling.

A Virginia man set a world record when he caught a 17-pound, 6-ounce "Frankenfish", or northern snakehead.
He said he could barely fit the fish into his cooler.
Right. But as the afternoon wore on, more space opened up between the Miller and the Bud.

Ohio State coach Urban Meyer has banned all practice visitors from wearing blue shirts.
Sounds like a trick to keep the police away.

'N Sync's Lance Bass will Executive Produce an anti-brainwashing documentary.
I just hope there's a de-programming scene with Vikings WR Greg Jennings.
I guess by "anti-brainwashing", 'N Sync is against tens of millions of impressionable young people around the world spending money worshipping false idols.

CBS Sports said Manti Te'o was largely invisible in his NFL debut.
Hunh. Just like his girlfriend.

I hope Johnny Manziel puts a sharpie in his sock for his next rushing touchdown.

Star Trek actor George Takei wants to move the 2014 Winter Olympics from Sochi to Vancouver.
Are we going to have the flag from the United Federation of Planets marching in the opening ceremony?

David Ortiz says he doesn't know how he failed a drug test in 2003.
Hey, there's a hotline he can call for info: 1-800-ROID-RAGE.

The Timberwolves Shabazz Muhammad was kicked out of the NBA's Rookie Transition Program after he was caught with a young woman in his hotel room.
Wait a minute - I thought the whole point of this thing was to prepare for life in the NBA?

A-Rod will guest star on an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

Lots of controversy this week after a pro athlete was called the N-word.
Needle-user.

A-Rod's minotaur painting was just deemed a forgery.

I'm putting a Johnny Manziel-signed toga from the Texas frat party up on eBay.

Texas A&M stands for "autographs & memorabilia".

If they face any suspensions, the Blue Jays hope to get their players back in time for free agency.

The Buffalo Bills' Kevin Kolb suffered the latest in a series of mysterious accidents when he stumbled on a wet and slippery rubber mat at practice.
In related news, a day earlier EJ Manual signed an endorsement deal with Slip 'N Slide.

Jonathan Ogden, Larry Allen and Warren Sapp were all inducted into the Pro Football Hall Of Fame together.
It was the greatest night in the history of Canton, Ohio catering companies.

Tough ultimatum by MLB to Alex Rodriguez: 214-game suspension, or no suspension but has to play for the Cubs.

It was cool that Jose Iglesias homered in his second game as a Tiger, but did he have to dedicate it to all the girls he's loved before?

President Obama played a birthday weekend round of golf Saturday and then headed to Camp David.
I'm glad he could find time to get away and unwind. He needs to rest and focus on his upcoming fantasy football drafts.

The Women's British Open at St. Andrews was postponed a day due to high winds.
They're just lucky no Loch Ness Monsters got swept up in the storm.

Greg Oden signed with the Miami Heat.
Don't most old people in the U.S. retire to Florida?

A-Rod says he wants baseball to "get PEDs out of the game".
This is like Pete Rose trying to abolish gambling.

"Biogenesis" sounds like Chapter 1 of a L. Ron Hubbard novel.

Alex Rodriguez and MLB are trying to reach a deal on the length of his suspension.
150 games was a floated number, but the Yankees don't think that is long enough.

Russia has banned "gay propaganda".
There goes figure skating.

There is no excuse for Riley Cooper's actions.
I can't believe he attended a Kenny Chesney concert.

The NFL is eliminating the AFC vs NFC format from the Pro Bowl beginning in 2014.
Bud Selig is confused: how will they determine who gets to be the home team for the Super Bowl?

Notre Dame has a new policy banning large handbags and knapsacks from games, but head coach Brian Kelly will continue to bring lots of baggage into the stadium.

Chinese authorities want Macau to shed its lingering reputation for seediness and corruption.
To achieve this, they are promoting boxing cards.

The Hall Of Fame Game: sort of like the Pro Bowl, but only with players from two teams.

Another Mariner on the cover of August's Mariners Magazine.
Almost less cover subject variety than The Oprah Magazine.

No convictions in the Huntington Beach, California surf riot, as the jury hung twelve.

Unhappy with an umpire's balls and strikes, Red Sock David Ortiz destroyed a dugout phone with his bat.
"If I'm not getting calls, then no one is!"

Texas A&M Heisman winner Johnny Manziel was thrown out of a University of Texas frat party Friday night.
Who holds frat parties in July?

A photo was released that appeared to show Aaron Hernandez holding a gun.
Another surprising photo shows Philip Rivers holding onto a football.

New York's city council gave Madison Square Garden 10 years to move, but the New York Times Building gets to stay?

Cowboys Stadium has been rechristened AT&T Stadium in a huge naming rights deal.
And you thought the Super Bowl power outage was bad; watch what happens to your cell phone coverage in Arlington.

Reports say visitors to Biogenesis in Miami also included NBA players.
Yeah, but they only went cause they thought it was a nightclub.

The Florida Gators removed a brick at their stadium that honored Aaron Hernandez's 2009 All-American status.
Ironic, considering it was probably a dispute over a brick that started the whole incident.

Andrew Bynum said he's never really played in a supportive NBA city.
Is he looking for a title or a 12-step program?

Former major leaguer Robert Fick admitted to using steroids twice in his career to recover from injuries.
Time to put an asterisk next to those 69 career homers and .258 batting average.

NHL players will compete in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi.
So will NFL players - in biathlon.

Some eye-popping 40 times coming out of the Ohio State Buckeyes summer workouts.
Of course, they were being chased by investigators.

LeBron James has a personal, 24-hour DJ.
When does he sleep?

The Chicago Cubs got the go ahead for $500 million in renovations to Wrigley Field, the most extensive since 1988 when they became the last team in the majors to install lights.
At the top of their upcoming list: flush toilets.

Braylon Edwards is joining the Jets for the third time.
This is the most repeat performances in New York since Billy Martin.
Or "Cats".

So they named the royal baby.
I was hoping for Rogers Nelson or Fielder, but no dice.

The University of South Carolina athletic department is looking into contact between star DE Jadeveon Clowney and Jay-Z.
Cock Nation to Roc Nation?

Whoever was runner-up for the 2011 NL MVP was *this* close to taking over ceremonial duties for the rest of the year.

It's official: NHL players will compete in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi.
Unfortunately, it will be in short-track speed skating.

No hockey bags for the players in the NHL's new Metro division.
They will carry their equipment in murses.

Hey, even Peyton Manning has missed a morning session at the Manning Passing Academy.
He was filming a commercial.

Michelle Obama with a message at the ESPYS.
Barack was busy - Wednesday is his bocce night.

Why did World Peace have to leave L.A. the same week as the Zimmerman verdict?

A reporter in Florida got a leaked 2013-14 Panthers schedule.
Couple of interesting things: a 20-day break in February during the Winter Olympics,
and a team banquet/end-of-season party the day after the regular season ends.

All-Star Game scorecard = Jackson Pollock painting

I'm just glad the integrity of the Home Run Derby is intact and they didn't have to resort to a swing-off.
Let's not turn that thing into a circus.

Yoenis Cespedes won the Home Run Derby and a National League starting pitcher won the Sacrifice Bunt Contest.

Golf legend Gary Player called Muirfield one of the world's great courses ahead of this week's Open, while lamenting the fact that Scotland's climate forces him to wear more clothes than he'd like.

Canada lost to Martinique 1-0 in soccer.
It's not even a country - it's an overseas region of France.
It's an island in the Lesser Antilles.
Thank goodness we didn't play an island from the Greater Antilles.
There's no telling what might have happened.

NBA.com posted a gallery showing the 30 finalists for the next Orlando Magic cheerleading squad.
Apparently, they're even tanking the dance team.

Baron Davis claims he was recently abducted by aliens near Las Vegas.
Is Sam Cassell coaching Summer League?

Jay-Z is trying to get Yasiel Puig to be the first person to immigrate from Cuba to Roc Nation.

PETA is upset after a Miguel Cabrera home run landed in the Tampa Bay Rays outfield pavilion touch tank.
Hey, it could be worse - at least Tropicana Field's domed roof protects the animals from a sharknado.

I wonder if Roberto Luongo is trying to get the KHL to put an expansion team in Jacksonville?

Ilya Kovalchuk: first 30-year-old to retire since the dot-com bubble burst.

I can't believe Justin Bieber touched the Stanley Cup Wednesday.
That's like when your mortal enemy in high school went out with the girl you love.

Ole Miss shooting guard Marshall Henderson has been suspended indefinitely for violation of team rules.
What - he didn't accept booster money?

Whichever league has the most players suspended in the Biogenesis scandal will host WrestleMania 30.

The NBA fined the Lakers $29 million and the Heat $13.3 million in luxury tax for last season's roster salaries.
All proceeds from the fines will go to dance squad/cheer team plastic surgeries.

Monday

Honduras-Haiti underway.
Hope it can match the grandeur of Canada-Martinique.

Monday

Soccer: Canada lost to Club Med 1-nil.

Sunday

Kevin Durant got engaged to WNBA star Monica Wright.
John Calipari sent his congratulations and requested first look at the sonogram.

Sunday

6-4, 7-5, 6-4: Wimbledon final result, and Yao Ming's 3-on-3 team.

Saturday

Manitoba: the provincial animal is a beer snake.

Friday

The NFL's offseason has seen more arrests than a season of Cops.

Friday

The 34th America's Cup is officially underway. Racing starts on San Francisco Bay Tuesday.
As per tradition, the opening ceremony was presided over by Christopher Cross.

Thursday

The big winner in the Bruins-Stars trade may ultimately be real estate agents.

Thursday

Joey Chestnut broke his own record by scarfing down 69 hot dogs in ten minutes to win Nathan's annual Fourth of July contest.
It's visuals like those that we'll miss now that ESPN is shutting down its 3D division.

Wednesday

Bittersweet irony for Seattle: the Arizona Coyotes are now named for guides who move people to start a new life.

Wednesday

Vancouver Canucks fans are giving GM Mike Gillis worse reviews than The Lone Ranger.

Tuesday

MLB suspended the Tigers Rick Porcello 6 games for throwing at the Rays Ben Zobrist.

I refuse to believe Porcello has that much command over his pitches.

The Vancouver Canucks two first-round picks are named Bo and Hunter.
If nothing else, they've gained Ted Nugent as a fan.