Does Argentina get credited for two World Cup wins after beating Bosnia and Herzegovina?

How about that finals MVP? The Hawaiian island of Kawhi has never been prouder.

U.S. Vice President Joe Biden is attending the World Cup Monday to see if there is any corruption money left over.

Reports say free agent-to-be Carmelo Anthony is leaning towards the Rockets or the Bulls.
Haven't Houston and Chicago fans suffered enough?

Elephant poachers 2 Whale hunters 1

Colombia's president won his coke-ouzo bet with Greece.

The Netherlands beat Spain 5-1 in that country's worst defeat since the Spanish Armada.

The LAPD warned fans without tickets to stay away from Staples.
First the competition from online retailers, now this.

What kind of dirt will Sterling's investigators dig up on the NBA?
Even money they discover Adam Silver arrived on Earth by UFO.

Fitting that the Stanley Cup Final is ended by a man in a goalie mask on Friday The 13th.

Who will be reported to score more goals in World Cup play: Vladimir Putin or Kim Jong-un?

Donald Sterling said the Redskins should change their name.

Donald Sterling has hired 4 private investigators to dig up dirt on the NBA and its owners.
I'm guessing none of them are Shaft.

Fans of Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull complained about sound quality at the opening ceremony.
Sorry, Pitbull fans, not every show can be at Carnegie Hall.

Norway's curlers were rooting for Croatia.

I think the Lady and the Tramp ate pasta off of Croatia's jerseys.

Brazil's soccer roster: fewer last names than a swingers party.

Metta World Peace will be an assistant coach for a girls high school basketball team starting this fall.
Wait until he sees how high school girls interact with each other.
It makes The Malice At The Palace look like a weekend Buddhist retreat.

They released a dove before the start of the opening World Cup match between Brazil and Croatia.
It was caught and BBQ'd within an hour.

The post-Game 3 Miami Heat press conference had all the warmth of an Ingmar Bergman film.

Ronaldo looking good for Portugal.
Back to Hogwarts for that Ghanaian witch doctor.

New Knicks coach Derek Fisher says he wants guys to fear stepping on the court when they come in to Madison Square Garden.
How are they going to do that: give front row seats to paternity lawyers?

The Rangers Mats Zuccarello said his favorite player growing up was Patrick Kane.
He's 26 and Kane is 25.
My favourite player growing up is Connor McDavid.

Jennifer Lopez has pulled out of performing the official song to open the World Cup.
Officials are scrambling to see if they can fly in the '85 Chicago Bears to replace her with the "World Cup Shuffle".

With Magic Mountain closing Colossus by the end of the summer, the Detroit Tigers bullpen will be the biggest roller coaster in America.

France beat Jamaica 8-0 Sunday in their last tuneup match before the World Cup.
After the game, the Kingston Athletic Department announced they would go back to focus on bobsledding.

The San Diego Padres have told Johnny Manziel to start acting like a utility infielder.

The Richard Sherman cover for EA Sports Madden 15 is almost identical to the cover for Rob Zombie's upcoming Haitian Zombie Attack game.

Martin Brodeur wants to play one more season.
To avoid culture shock leaving New Jersey, I suggest Metallurg Magnitogorsk.

If Sarah Jessica Parker gets Sex And The City 3 made, does that count as a Triple Crown?

For the two days between Games 1 and 2 of the NBA Finals, the AT&T Center will be used for a Bikram Yoga festival.

The NFL may be heading to a four-day draft, and is considering New York, LA and Chicago as possible 2015 host cities.
Can a NFL Draft host city lottery show be far behind?
And how will they decide who hosts that?

Subway and commuter train operators in Sao Paolo, Brazil went on strike Thursday.
Are you paying attention, Segway? This is your big chance.

When is the Ghanaian witch doctor who cast a spell on Cristiano Ronaldo going to lift his curse on the Brazilian construction industry?

A Ghanaian witch doctor claims he cast a spell on Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo that will keep him out of the World Cup.
Landon Donovan is sending the witch doctor a photo of Jurgen Klinsmann.

Prince attended a Rafael Nadal match at the French Open.
Usually, Andy Murray is the one with royals at his matches.

A lot of publicity for Skidmore College in upstate New York teaching a credit course on Miley Cyrus.
That's nothing - there are already SEC athletes majoring in Nascar and Duck Dynasty.

Donald Sterling went to a black mass in south LA.
My first thought was: is that the best way for the most hated man in America to rehab his image, dabbling in Satanism and witchcraft?

Dan Marino withdrew his concussion lawsuit against the NFL.
Experts say it would be too difficult to tell the difference between brain damage and Marino's mind before he entered the league.

Johnny Manziel had a rough day one of OTAs, making late reads and throwing picks.
Well, they did tell him to start acting like a backup QB...

Great story on Juwaan Espinal, who suffers from cerebral palsy, getting asked to his high school prom by his dream date with the help of Robert Griffin III.
We're making progress since the early 2000s, when Green Bay Packers would ask girls to the prom in hot tubs.

They just updated Donald Sterling's condition to "mentally decapitated".

Controversial trade of 5 Gitmo Taliban detainees for one American POW.
And two months before the July 31st trade deadline.

In light of new corruption claims over Qatar's 2022 World Cup bid, a FIFA VP said he'd support a new round of bribed voting.

Logo designs came out for a possible future Seattle NHL franchise named the Sea Lions.
If you're Seattle playing in the Pacific division, do you really want your team nickname to be prey for orcas and sharks?

Geroy Simon is retiring from the CFL.
The only question remaining is: will he go into the Hall of Fame as a Lion, Rider or Blue Bomber?

Joe Namath has released a sports energy drink named "Broadway Joe".
Its target market are athletes who are strugg-a-ling.

Arizona Cardinals linebacker Daryl Washington was suspended by the NFL for the entire 2014 season for violating the league's substance abuse policy.
This after the Texas Christian University product missed the first 4 games last season for aggravated assault.
Thank God he didn't go to Texas Atheist University.

Donald Sterling will file a $1 billion lawsuit against the NBA.
This is the second large, radioactive lizard to attack the U.S. in the last month.

AMC debuted its new show set in Texas's early '80s' Silicon Prairie, "Halt And Catch Fire".
Sounds like a 30 For 30 on Danica Patrick.

They could be headed for a work stoppage in the CFL.
Fortunately, the Players Association has socked away some Canadian Tire money for a rainy day.

The CFL didn't have any work stoppage problems until Ottawa joined the league.

Twitter is abuzz with reports of an anonymous millionaire hiding cash in LA.
Sounds like Donald Sterling preparing for his divorce case.

The Rangers Derek Stepan scored two goals after missing one game with a broken jaw.
I'd still be lying on my couch asking people to make me another batch of nachos in the blender.

50 Cent threw out the first pitch for the Mets on Tuesday.
The ball has been found by GPS and a team of echo-locating dolphins in the East River.

Should Ray Rice be kicked out of the NFL?
He's a 27-year-old running back; he will be soon.

I like the Whitecaps' Erik Hurtado's hairstyle.
Amazing he has time to play pro soccer at the same time he's touring with Fishbone.

The playoff beard doesn't agree with Patrick Kane.
Looks like a hobbit.

Indiana Pacers Survivor: Outwit. Outplay. Out of the playoffs.

Barry Trotz is a great fit for the Capitals.
He has consistently never won the big one.

Only four college football teams in the country signed three 5-star recruits in this year's class, yet Alabama will have three living in one dorm.
It will be crowded there, like living inside an ATM.

A Michigan woman is suing McDonald's after claiming she bit a "foreign object" in her breakfast burrito.
The WWE says it needs it back for an upcoming title match between Brock Lesnar and Triple H.

The Cubs signed Manny Ramirez to be a player/coach for their Triple-A affiliate in Iowa.
Real life has turned into a bad '90s baseball movie.
Needles In The Outfield.

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay had his charges reduced to two misdemeanors, after police found more drugs in his car than the green room at The Last Waltz.

Ryan Hunter-Reay won the Indy 500, ending California Chrome's Triple Crown hopes.

Slash played The Star Spangled Banner at Staples Center before Game 3.
He was going to light his guitar on fire like Jimi Hendrix, but they were worried about damage to the ice.
After the performance, each person in attendance had to spend 15 minutes in the "dark room".

Seems like the Ray Sterling press conference went pretty well.

Two New York Rangers assistant coaches were watching the Habs' practice Saturday at Madison Square Garden before they were kicked out.
Allen Iverson said: "What's the point?"

Gary Bettman says he took a recent trip to Seattle to check out the arena situation because he was "in the neighbourhood" for a playoff game in Anaheim.
Does this guy travel around with a Risk board for a map?
I haven't seen geography that shaky since Miss Teen South Carolina.

Michael Vick says he believes he can lead the New York Jets to a Super Bowl.
He has about as much chance doing that as winning the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

50 U.S. senators have asked NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to support a name change for the Washington Redskins.
What about the Ottawa RedBlacks?

New Clippers CEO Dick Parsons said he played college basketball for Hawaii in the mid-'60s, a claim that couldn't be backed up by facts.
He was also one of the first to surf the Banzai Pipeline and drummed for Don Ho.

Prince Fielder may be having season-ending neck surgery.
I hope he can maintain his fitness level while on the DL.

The Dodgers released catcher Miguel Olivo from their roster.
He's looking to bounce back in the WWE.

Some of these nations' World Cup bans are a little draconian.
For example, Mexico will be the first ever group of men travelling in Rio trying to avoid alcohol and sex.

The NBA needs to quickly hold another lottery to find a team to replace the Thunder against the Spurs in the Western final.

Rory McIlroy broke off his engagement to Caroline Wozniacki after the wedding invitations were mailed out.
In golf, that is known as signing an inaccurate card.

Hard to believe Minneapolis got an outdoor Super Bowl before an outdoor hockey game.

Where was the Cleveland Cavaliers usual draft lottery team?
That was like watching the Stones without Mick.

The New York Knicks didn't have a pick in the NBA Draft Lottery but asked if they could play the "Extra".

Minneapolis will host Super Bowl LII in 2018 in its new outdoor stadium.
Runners-up in the bidding were Fargo and Fairbanks.

Tuesday is the NBA Draft Lottery, aka the annual Super Bowl for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie is currently out of a NFL job after repeatedly reporting out of shape.
Apparently, his idea of an offseason fitness program is lap dances.

A huge sinkhole opened up in the end zone of Austin Peay's football stadium in Tennessee.
Silver lining for Peay - who were 0-12 last season - only opponents ever go in the end zone.

Lou Holtz says he's retiring from ESPN after the 2014 season.
There may be a role for him in the emerging marijuana industry, which needs someone to talk to plants while watering them at the same time.

The Preakness served up 7000 pounds of crab meat.
That's like a Jameis Winston trip to Costco.

General A Rod faded during crunch time and finished 4th at The Preakness Stakes.
No word on his post-race drug testing.

Brazil was the sole bidder to host the 2014 World Cup, much to the chagrin of FIFA officials, who are used to being bribed for their votes.

Michael Sam's TV series is no longer a go.
Three football fans in America called their cable provider to drop the Oprah Winfrey Network.

Milan Lucic wrote an anti-bullying book that was published in March.
With a forward by Vladimir Putin.

Canadiens over Bruins was the biggest triumph of good over evil since the Death Star blew up.

Once again it's time for a large, radioactive lizard to attack America.
Donald Sterling is suing the NBA.

According to a poll of New York Knicks fans, there are only three acceptable coaching candidates left for Phil Jackson to hire: Mark Jackson, Jeff Jackson or Tito Jackson.

The Thunder eliminated the Clippers.
Time for the awkward season-ending BBQ at Donald Sterling's house.

Derek Fisher is rumored to be the Knicks front-runner for head coach.
Of course, at this point the Knicks coaching search consists of driving a pickup truck by the corner where men are looking for day labor.

I don't believe Milan Lucic's threats.
As if a successful Boston pro athlete would actually kill someone.

Speaking of terrors from Japan being unleashed to wreak havoc in America, the Yankees Masahiro Tanaka is 6-0 with a 2.17 ERA.

Don't worry, monster fans: Chara and Lucic may be out, but Godzilla opens this weekend.

Black & Amber Alert: crying babies in Boston missing from NHL Playoffs.

Both Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and Mets first baseman Lucas Duda say they got food poisoning from burgers they ate at Citi Field's Shake Shack during the weekend series between the two clubs.
The pair are going to be more careful about what they put into their mouths in ballparks, they said between pinches of chewing tobacco.