FEMA's learned a lot in 3 years: with Gustav bearing down on the Gulf Coast, the U.S. is set to dispatch Michael Phelps to the hurricane flooding relief area.

AL STEWART'S YEAR OF THE RAT

On a morning in the Beijing time zone
In a country where they turn back time
A pretty toothed little girl goes through the motions
As if she were a mime
She comes out of the smog in a silk hazmat suit
Like someone in The China Syndrome
Don't bother asking for explanations
She'll just say she feels at home
In the Year of the Rat

While the fireworks were over the top
We find out later Photoshop
And the underage gymnasts sweep the gold medals
Somebody call a cop
From local vendors at the market stalls
You can buy a copy of Dark Knight
A holy man in the mountains?
Don't bother putting up a fight
In the Year of the Rat

Bolt's so ahead he never leans
Without even tying up his laces
He trains on incense and leafy greens
Take a puff and you'll see hazy stuff just like
The Year of the Rat

Well, morning comes at the Water Cube
Michael Phelps has broken from the pack
More gold than Mr. T; he's won as many medals
As England plus Iraq
But the homer judging of the games remain
Like Tom Lemming with his ND leans
Don't bother asking for the real truth
Cause nothing's ever as it seems
In the Year of the Rat

The Great Wall of China is one of only two man-made objects visible from space.
The other is Barry Bonds' head.

Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian angrily threw away his bronze medal in disgust in a protest over the judging in his semi-final bout.
The Canadian Olympic team immediately asked if they could have it.

Canada's top architects are in Beijing, designing a 4th step on the medal podium.

The Vancouver Canucks are running a contest that allows fans to design goalie Curtis Sanford's mask.
This isn't unique: the Philadelphia Flyers held a pre-season contest years ago to design Eric Lindros' cast.

How come no Cuban athletes are defecting in China?

Beijing authorities claim the haze enveloping the city is not smog but "mist".
Of course, they also refer to their army's visits to Tibet as a soccer friendly.

Brett Favre is looking forward to getting away from Green Bay's media circus and finding some peace and quiet in New York.

The U.S. Olympic Cycling Team apologized Wednesday for arriving at the Beijing Airport wearing face masks, explaining that they were only wearing them because they had to luggage check their hazmat suits.

The Green Bay Packers Tuesday placed Brett Favre on their non-football injury list.
He's got bruised feelings and is listed as "minute-to-minute".

Greek basketball team Olympiakos, of Athens, which signed Josh Childress to a 3-year contract in July, is reportedly interested in signing LeBron James when he becomes a free agent in 2010.
If James goes over there for a year he can get some night club recommendations from Shaq, such as The Parthenon.

NASA has confirmed there is water and ice on Mars.
Somewhere, Gary Bettman is drooling.

Seattle has become one of the first major American cities to discourage the use of plastic shopping bags after a city council vote.
The final straw came when the Seattle Supersonics recently moved their entire franchise to Oklahoma City in plastic bags.

The WNBA has garnered the first A-plus given in an annual diversity report card on race and gender in sports.
The previous highest grade was awarded in 1998 when Dennis Rodman received an A.

Nike has pulled an ad campaign showing a basketball player's face in an opponent's crotch and will replace it with a photo featuring someone dunking over an 11-year old Indonesian sweatshop worker.

Video piracy and counterfeiting in Asia remains a problem: there's already a DVD available of the opening ceremonies in Beijing.

The International Olympic Committee banned Iraq from next month's Summer Games in Beijing due to "government interference".
Really? I assumed China would feature that as a demonstration sport.

The Army has ordered Detroit 7th round draft pick Caleb Campbell to fulfill a less confusing and more promising two years than playing for the Lions: serving in Iraq or Afghanistan.

A rotting great blue heron carcass dangling above a Vancouver tennis tournament isn't going anywhere, due to concerns over disturbing the colony.
It's the biggest stink made at a tennis match since John McEnroe retired.