New York Jets DE Shaun Ellis was fined $10,000 for throwing a chunk of snow at fans in Seattle.
Teammate Brett Favre escaped a fine when a fan caught his snowball before it reached its intended target.

In the wake of the CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett signings, Mats Sundin picked the Canucks over the Rangers after his agent pointed out there was no more cash left in New York City banks.

Trevor Linden Day in Vancouver: the Canucks re-named a gate after his jersey #16.
There is a precedent for this: when Mark Messier left town, they named a GM Place washroom after him.

The Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at President Bush has been offered $10 million for the footwear by a man in Egypt, and the same amount to pitch in 2009 for the Yankees.

Roberto Luongo has the most closely watched groin since Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct.

The Tennessee Titans LenDale White is upset that the Carolina Panthers supposedly stole he and backfield mate Chris Johnson's nickname, "Smash and Dash".
Sounds more like a Christmas shopping spree by the Cincinnati Bengals.

New York beat New Jersey using only 7 of the 15 on their roster.
The Knicks have more inactive players than a fraternity reunion.

Chicago Bears LB Lance Briggs said New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees - whose previous NFL stop was in San Diego - is ill-equipped to handle the cold weather of Chicago.
Yeah, West Lafayette, Indiana - where Brees led the Purdue Boilermakers for 4 years - is some sort of tropical paradise.
Like the school fight song was written by Jimmy Buffett.
"Cheeseburger in sub-orbit".

Major League Baseball's winter meetings are underway in Las Vegas.
Oakland A's GM Billy Beane has stats in hand that prove he has a better chance of making a deal while watching "The Fountains of Bellagio" show rather than "The Sirens of Treasure Island".

Quite a weekend: Michelle Wie qualified for her LPGA tour card and Charlie Weis got his Papa Murphy's pizza card.

Alex Rodriguez says he's "100% sure" he'll play for the Dominican Republic in next year's World Baseball Classic.
The D.R. is excited by this development, but wants expressed, written consent from Major League Baseball that the tournament will be in March and not October.

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman suspended Stars' forward Sean Avery 6 games for speech "detrimental to the league or game of hockey".
Isn't that the definition of a Bettman press conference?

Headline: Governor General agrees to Ottawa Senators' request to suspend season until January.

2010 Olympic organizers are thinking of using "hot-bedding" for employees, where two people sleep in shifts in the same bed.
This practice was originally invented by Sean Avery and Dion Phaneuf.

Notre Dame opted to retain Charlie Weis after they realized his buyout clause included a year's supply of free groceries.

Prediction: Another Canadian federal election will have lower voter participation than NHL All-Star balloting in Alabama.

Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo went for an MRI on his groin today only to find out he is 9,346th on B.C.'s medical waiting list.

Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson was suspended for Thursday's Cincinnati Bengals game after the team said he overslept for an 8:30pm meeting Wednesday.
He must have been watching NBC's Knight Rider.

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has been charged with insider trading by the Securities and Exchange Commission.
He allegedly dumped an expensive stock right before it crashed, which is the opposite of what he did when he traded for Keith Van Horn.

The Steelers beat the Chargers in the NFL's first 11-10 final score in history.
Donovan McNabb said he didn't know games could end 11-10.

ABC BRINGING BACK MONDAY NIGHT BASEBALL IN 2009

New York - Saying "the time is right", right now, ABC today announced it is bringing back Monday Night Baseball next spring, in a move it thinks will kick-start the franchise in a way that will rival its stalwart Monday Night Football.

The network also stated it will be reviving new versions of Charlie's Angels, Laverne & Shirley, and Three's Company.

In a joint announcement, ABC and The Rose Bowl said they will be broadcasting chariot races on New Year's Day.

STEELY DAN TO OPEN INNER-CITY THEME PARK

Fort Apache, NY (AP) - Steely Dan's Donald Fagen and Walter Becker announced plans today for a theme park on 10 hectares in The Bronx, in an attempt to "give back" to their New York City/Brill Building roots, and connect with today's inner-city youth.

Rides expected at the park - set to open in 2010 - include the Cold Turkey Rollercoaster, Midnite Cruiser Bumper Cars, and Black Friday Elevator Drop.

Teens and kids will be greeted by colorful and beloved costumed characters from the Dan universe, such as Doctor Wu, Razor Boy, Charlie Freak and Kid Charlemagne.

A NASCAR fan in her RV at Texas Motor Speedway was hit by a stray bullet Sunday morning before the Dickies 500 race.
No word on whether authorities have any suspects but I would look into Texas Tech fans celebrating their win over Texas.
It's no country for burning old couches.

The recent horror movie The Strangers featured unhappy people who wear bags over their heads.
Crowd scenes were filmed at Ford Field.

The New York Knicks placed guard Stephon Marbury on their inactive list before Friday night's 29-point loss to the Philadelphia 76ers.
The Knicks have an "inactive" list? Talk about semantics...

LIVE BLOG OF ORIGINAL HALLOWEEN (30TH ANNIVERSARY)



Great opening titles with the ultra-slow zoom in on the Jack O' Lantern flickering like it was caught in a '70s energy crisis.

"Haddonfield, Illinois Halloween Night, 1963"
Didn't one of the characters in When Harry Met Sally (maybe Carrie Fischer?) say they were from Haddonfield (NJ) during that scene at the double dinner date? What is with towns named Haddonfield giving birth to unspeakable creatures? (I have a wagon wheel coffee table.)

Wow - they weren't upstairs very long - what happened? That guy's going to be talking to therapists the rest of his life about how premature ejaculation resulted in a murder.

It's nice when a boy greets his parents upon their return home at night. (Something we've lost since '63 , apparently.)

Jump forward to present day ('78): Donald Pleasance and an actress dressed like a nurse smoking and driving.

Pleasance is focused - he's gunning for a Best Supporting Actor nom here and he has an inner intensity that can only come from the knowledge that he's not going to get it.

"The evil is gone!"

Is there anywhere better than the Midwest (actually southern California in these scenes) for Halloween? I think not.

Jamie Lee Curtis' first appearance.

Pleasance is jacked up!

The heavy-breathing (anyone see that Star Wars villain before filming this?) creepy escapee guy is driving around in a car that separates the driver from the back with a wire-mesh cage, like an L.A. taxi. Except heavy-breathing creepy escapee guy (HBCEG) is friendlier than most L.A. cabbies.

Jamie Lee ("Laurie") walks home with her friends, P.J. Soles and "Annie". The girls are carrying a lot of loose books home. Apparently, bags and knapsacks had yet to be invented.

Kids are trick-or-treating at 3:30/4:00 in the afternoon? WTF?

This movie is a bit Hitchcockian and a little like Antonioni - in the sense of challenging what characters (and viewers) see is what they "really" see.

Although this is Jamie Lee's most feminine movie, she's already got a bit of a mannish vibe going on.

Let's go visit the grave site - surely nothing will be amiss here...

Great shot and music choice with the girls in the car.
No additional cowbell needed.

The town cop (and dad of one girl) fails to notice that the girls' car smells like a Cheech & Chong tour bus.

Hardware store break-in: " Probably kids. All they took was Halloween masks, some rope, and knives."

Yeah, probably. But there's one kid whose Captain Kirk costume has been ruined.

The light just jumped about 2 hours in one cut: from almost sunset to pitch black.

Visit to the now-reputedly-haunted house from the prologue. Someone's been eating a dog. Pleasance: "This isn't a man!"

They're watching "The Thing" - which John Carpenter would remake a few years later.

Annie is in the garage doing laundry... "Paul, is this one of your cheap tricks? Oh, guess not..."
Annie, it's just the dream police, they live inside of your head.

Why aren't these kids trick-or-treating? Were they in the 3:30 group and have since showered and changed?

53 minutes in...(SPOILER ALERT!) someone's finally going to bite it. Why is there condensation on the windshield? Maybe because Darth Vader is meditating in the back seat.

Donald Pleasance is hanging out in front of the old haunted house like Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin. He likes to scare kids: "Lonnie! Get your ass away from there!"

Now we have the skeptical sheriff dismissing the warnings: "More fancy talk." They don't like the fancy talk in small town Illinois.

The bed sheet ghost costume with Bob's glasses is an iconic image from the film. Who ya gonna call?

Jamie Lee's going over to the house where bad things await. DON'T GO IN THERE JAMIE!

Ah, we're in the initial mode of "Alright you guys - joke's over!" "C'mon you guys - cut it out."

Don't go upstairs, Jamie - what are you doing?

The orange-ish lit space under a door - an enduring Hollywood favorite.

Under attack, Jamie runs door-to-door looking for help or collecting for UNICEF. Maybe people think it's just Halloween pranksters...oh, the irony!

The phone lines are dead...ah, the world before cells.

Putting the knife down and relaxing: worst idea in movie history.

Jamie's in the closet (literally, not figuratively - we think) - looking for something to wear in The Fog.

Pleasance - in a fit of rage knowing he will never be recognized for his supurb acting work - shoots HBCEG, aka The Boogeyman, but yet again no one seems to want to finish him off by further shots or, I dunno, decapitation. This guy makes Rasputin look like a quitter.

Classic ending with Carpenter's musical score and visually revisiting many of the main scenes' houses and locales.

This super-low-budget marvel was followed by about a dozen sequels that had all the charm of Dane Cook wise-cracking his way through a death camp.

Fifteen out of eighty-six football players failed street drug tests recently taken at the University of North Texas.
The 17% drug-using figure is believed to be the lowest college rate ever recorded.

Bud Selig wanted to call Game 5 of the World Series a tie Monday night, but then relented and said whoever wins the completed game Tuesday gets to host the All-Star Game next year.

The Sarah Palin hockey curse continued as she dropped the first puck for the St. Louis Blues 4-0 home ice loss to the L.A. Kings and Blues goalie Manny Legace injured himself stumbling on the ceremonial carpet rolled out for the V.P. candidate.
It's becoming the worst sports omen by a politician since 1984 when Walter Mondale threw out the season-opening pitches for the San Francisco Giants and Milwaukee Brewers.

News outlets said the New York Knicks' Isiah Thomas was rushed to hospital after overdosing on sleeping pills.
The report was incorrect: turns out he had just been reviewing tape of Knicks games.

A photo of Columbus Blue Jacket Mike Commodore lying in bed wearing only boxer briefs and covered in $3000 cash surfaced on the Internet - the same day NHL officials were in the Ohio capitol advising players on how to steer clear of embarrassing situations.
Commodore's defense should have been pointing out there wasn't a woman in the photo with him.
Unlike the NHL, he wasn't expanding into inappropriate southern places.

VP candidate Sarah Palin will drop the ceremonial first puck Friday night before the St. Louis Blues game against the LA Kings.
Do the Blues really want to to do this after the Philadelphia Flyers have gone winless since Sarah P did the same for their opener?
Demand for tickets for a Palin rally Friday morning in Springfield, MO have caused the event to move from a university arena to a Bass Pro Shops parking lot.
So the hockey rinks there hold fewer people than a fishing store parking lot?

A survey of NBA GMs revealed the LA Lakers as their pick to win the league championship.
Joe Biden predicts it will be the Seattle Supersonics.

World Boxing Council president Jose Sulaiman denounced mixed martial arts and its fans,
saying it had sullied the name of his sport and that "boxing fans have class".
Sounds like he's nostalgic for those innocent days of yesteryear featuring Don King, Bob Arum and Mike Tyson.

Just a few hours after losing to Ohio State 45-7 Saturday night, members of the Michigan State football team reportedly got into a brawl with the Spartans hockey team, sending one skater to the hospital.
Whatever happened to "leaving it all on the field"?

Controversy over Brett Favre allegedly having phoned Detroit Lions coaches last month to offer insight into the Green Bay Packers offense prior to their matchup.
This begs the question: who has been calling the Lions opponent every week?

Tampa Bay Rays upper management looks like they probably got ID'd when purchasing the champagne for their pennant celebration.

Penn State beat Michigan for the first time since 1996.
This was so long ago, some of UM's latest recruits were just getting out of diapers - and Joe Paterno was just getting into his.

Michael Lewis' nonfiction bestseller "Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game" is being developed as a motion picture possibly starring Brad Pitt.
What's next: is Bill James' agent shopping around old Baseball Abstracts?

The Chicago Blackhawks fired coach Denis Savard after just 4 games of the new NHL season.
From a season-time frame perspective, this is the equivalent of an NFL coach getting fired during the second half of the opener.
Or less time than it takes Al Davis to wash a track suit.

Barack Obama has taken out billboard ads inside EA Sports online video games.
John McCain is firing back during the World Series with scoreboard and outfield ads in Yankee Stadium.

Researchers say bullying in the workplace has become such a big problem in Canada they have launched a website to help people fight back.
The first few people to join were members of the Hamilton Tiger-Cats.

Bad news for Kwame Brown: the NBA announced it is eliminating 80 jobs in the U.S.

Have you seen a blocked punt more all over it than the Cardinals-Cowboys in OT Sunday?
I've had shoe shines with less contact.

On a wild day in college football, Nos. 1, 3 and 4 fell.
It was like the dream scenario that never materialized for Robert Wagner in the Austin Powers movies.

O.J. Simpson's lawyers cited judicial errors and insufficient evidence Friday in seeking a new trial.
Simpson's appeal for a new trial alleges prosecutors improperly allowed the removal of two prospective jurors.
The part of the juror screening questionnaire I love is this gem: "Are you aware of any previous O.J. Simpson trials?"
This ensures that his jury will be made up of cavemen, theoretical particle physics researchers and citizens of North Korea.

Evander Holyfield has been offered a title fight in Germany with WBA heavyweight champion Nikolai Valuev in December.
What - was Kimbo Slice unavailable?

Barry Bonds was the honorary chair of Tuesday night's annual lighting of the Macy's Christmas tree in San Francisco.
Next month, Mark McGwire will lead the traditional Easter Egg hunt of pills on the BALCO's front lawn.

Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin will drop the puck for the ceremonial faceoff at the Philadelphia Flyers season opener Saturday night.
Hope she does better than her previous experience refereeing hockey players.

A California woman has been charged with stalking LA Lakers forward Luke Walton.
She has done what no New York Knick has been able to: closely shadow an NBA player.

A Toronto investment firm executive is the #1 suspect in a series of local bank robberies.
It's the region's biggest recent financial crime outside of the Maple Leafs and their season ticket holders.

Notre Dame may be unranked after 4-1 for the first time ever, but coach Charlie Weis was ranked #1 by South Bend/Goshen, IN buffet restaurant owners in their annual "Most Feared Customer" poll.

In an EliteXC MMA bout on CBS Saturday night, Seth Petruzelli TKO'd Kimbo Slice at 14 seconds of the 1st Round.
It's believed to be the fastest collapse on prime-time network TV since the Couric-Palin interview and the Caveman sitcom.

The entire University of Wisconsin band has been suspended from the Badgers big showdown game with Ohio State Saturday night for "inappropriate alcohol use, hazing and sexualized behavior".
There goes a whole week of prepping for their planned halftime show: a tribute to Motley Crue.

The Vancouver Canucks named Roberto Luongo their new captain, despite the NHL not having had a goalie as captain in over 60 years and it being against league rules.
(No, Canucks fans, "Captain Kirk" doesn't count.)
The Canucks are really thinking outside the box: their zamboni driver is running for Transportation Minister.

Investigators ruled that no Chinese gymnasts were underage in Beijing and no medals would be lost.
Lance Armstrong immediately praised the probe and asked that they monitor his 2009 Tour de France campaign.

Among the Yankee Stadium items being broken up and sold to collectors: urinals.
I hope they are cleaning those before mailing them out. That's one sports item you don't want billed as "game-used".

NBC ADDS FLIPPER TO FALL 2009 LINEUP

Burbank, CA - In a move that caught both GE shareholders and animal rights activists off guard, NBC announced it will be taping a new series of Flipper and building its fall 2009 schedule around it.

"We were in a brainstorming meeting when it suddenly occurred to us," explained NBC CEO Jeff Zucker, "Its been awhile since we had a prime time sitcom featuring a Bottlenose Dolphin! That's exactly what everyone needs now."

The original series ran for three seasons on NBC from 1964 to '67. The remake, tentatively titled either "Flipper 2.0" or "So You Think You Can Tail Walk?", will set Flipper in Lake Michigan helping inner-city Chicago youth overcome their day-to-day problems with humorous attitude.

England defeated Croatia 4-1 in a game that was accompanied by a warning from dentists: "Don't watch in HD."

I see photos of Raiders fans in chain-mail cloaked hoods.
I thought they were pirates, now they're medieval knights?
Pick a gay fantasy look and stick with it.

FEMA's learned a lot in 3 years: with Gustav bearing down on the Gulf Coast, the U.S. is set to dispatch Michael Phelps to the hurricane flooding relief area.

AL STEWART'S YEAR OF THE RAT

On a morning in the Beijing time zone
In a country where they turn back time
A pretty toothed little girl goes through the motions
As if she were a mime
She comes out of the smog in a silk hazmat suit
Like someone in The China Syndrome
Don't bother asking for explanations
She'll just say she feels at home
In the Year of the Rat

While the fireworks were over the top
We find out later Photoshop
And the underage gymnasts sweep the gold medals
Somebody call a cop
From local vendors at the market stalls
You can buy a copy of Dark Knight
A holy man in the mountains?
Don't bother putting up a fight
In the Year of the Rat

Bolt's so ahead he never leans
Without even tying up his laces
He trains on incense and leafy greens
Take a puff and you'll see hazy stuff just like
The Year of the Rat

Well, morning comes at the Water Cube
Michael Phelps has broken from the pack
More gold than Mr. T; he's won as many medals
As England plus Iraq
But the homer judging of the games remain
Like Tom Lemming with his ND leans
Don't bother asking for the real truth
Cause nothing's ever as it seems
In the Year of the Rat

The Great Wall of China is one of only two man-made objects visible from space.
The other is Barry Bonds' head.

Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian angrily threw away his bronze medal in disgust in a protest over the judging in his semi-final bout.
The Canadian Olympic team immediately asked if they could have it.

Canada's top architects are in Beijing, designing a 4th step on the medal podium.

The Vancouver Canucks are running a contest that allows fans to design goalie Curtis Sanford's mask.
This isn't unique: the Philadelphia Flyers held a pre-season contest years ago to design Eric Lindros' cast.

How come no Cuban athletes are defecting in China?

Beijing authorities claim the haze enveloping the city is not smog but "mist".
Of course, they also refer to their army's visits to Tibet as a soccer friendly.

Brett Favre is looking forward to getting away from Green Bay's media circus and finding some peace and quiet in New York.

The U.S. Olympic Cycling Team apologized Wednesday for arriving at the Beijing Airport wearing face masks, explaining that they were only wearing them because they had to luggage check their hazmat suits.

The Green Bay Packers Tuesday placed Brett Favre on their non-football injury list.
He's got bruised feelings and is listed as "minute-to-minute".

Greek basketball team Olympiakos, of Athens, which signed Josh Childress to a 3-year contract in July, is reportedly interested in signing LeBron James when he becomes a free agent in 2010.
If James goes over there for a year he can get some night club recommendations from Shaq, such as The Parthenon.

NASA has confirmed there is water and ice on Mars.
Somewhere, Gary Bettman is drooling.

Seattle has become one of the first major American cities to discourage the use of plastic shopping bags after a city council vote.
The final straw came when the Seattle Supersonics recently moved their entire franchise to Oklahoma City in plastic bags.

The WNBA has garnered the first A-plus given in an annual diversity report card on race and gender in sports.
The previous highest grade was awarded in 1998 when Dennis Rodman received an A.

Nike has pulled an ad campaign showing a basketball player's face in an opponent's crotch and will replace it with a photo featuring someone dunking over an 11-year old Indonesian sweatshop worker.

Video piracy and counterfeiting in Asia remains a problem: there's already a DVD available of the opening ceremonies in Beijing.

The International Olympic Committee banned Iraq from next month's Summer Games in Beijing due to "government interference".
Really? I assumed China would feature that as a demonstration sport.

The Army has ordered Detroit 7th round draft pick Caleb Campbell to fulfill a less confusing and more promising two years than playing for the Lions: serving in Iraq or Afghanistan.

A rotting great blue heron carcass dangling above a Vancouver tennis tournament isn't going anywhere, due to concerns over disturbing the colony.
It's the biggest stink made at a tennis match since John McEnroe retired.

Green Bay Packers CB Charles Woodson has come out with his own wine label, "24", producing a merlot and a cabernet.
Next up: a Lambeau Field ice wine.

Seeking to address their weakness against left-handed pitching, the New York Yankees have signed released Seattle Mariner Richie Sexson, who will platoon at 1B with Jason Giambi.
The move could be a good one: Sexson actually had good hitting stats in limited at-bats this season vs lefties. Against righties, Sexson was about as productive as a T-ball stand.

Renovations to Rutgers University's football stadium in New Jersey have unearthed 250-year old broken beer bottles.
Also found were tailgate bratwursts so full of nitrates they had retained all their original nutritional value.

The Winnipeg Blue Bombers were "scrambling to protect their reputation" today after racy photos of ex-members of their cheerleading squad became a minor Internet sensation.
Their reputation? Yeah, let's not let a little flesh make us lose sight of the fact that the mosquito capital of Canada hasn't won a Grey Cup in 18 years.

Perpetually dog-housed Ottawa netminder Ray Emery has signed a 1-year contract to play hockey in Russia.
In Soviet Russia, practice disrupt goalie!

Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez saved a man in a Huntington Beach, CA restaurant by performing the Heimlich Maneuver.
It's the first time a receiver has prevented someone from choking since David Tyree's catch in the Super Bowl.

3-star point guard Chris Duhon verballed to the New York Knicks Friday, ahead of National Signing Day on July 9.
Recruiting analyst Tom Lemming ranks the Knicks incoming 2009 class as one of the top 30 in the league.

Canada Post has been named an Official Supplier to the 2010 Winter Games.
I'm sure the athletes will be spurred on to their quickest times ever knowing the postal system is behind them.
This is like AA sponsoring Oktoberfest.

ESPN is reporting that Brett Favre and the Packers have had discussions regarding a possible comeback as Green Bay's QB this season.
This guy's having more farewells and endings than The Return of the King.

Finally, a winner has been declared in the $2+ million Floyd Landis vs U.S. Anti-Doping Agency court case: the lawyers.

The Pittsburgh Steelers took care of some laundry and cleaned out their closet by releasing RB Najeh Davenport.

After losing to the Connecticut Sun Friday night, the Atlanta Dream fell to 0-14, the worst start in WNBA history.
Fans in Atlanta are starting to show up for Dream games wearing shopping bags over their heads.

Kids under 17 who attend World Team Tennis matches get a free tennis racket.
If Roger Clemens comes back, kids under 17 who attend his starts will get free legal representation.

A pro-Tibet protester ran onto the pitch during the Germany-Turkey match Wednesday and made it across most of the field before being tackled by a security guard.
It was a longer run than anyone made during the Spain-Italy quarterfinal.

The NHL suspended Anaheim Ducks owner Henry Samueli after he was convicted of making a false statement to the Securities and Exchange Commission.
Samueli told the SEC Chris Pronger wasn't a dirty player.

Former Chicago Bears running back Cedric Benson was ordered Monday to install an ignition-lock breath tester in his car after he was charged with drunken driving.
Those devices work on other types of keys, too; remember when Ed McMahon lost his house?

After NBC extended its contract with Notre Dame football for five extra years despite historically low audiences for the Irish last season, chairman Dick Ebersol called Notre Dame a premier brand that defines the network.
Well, that's true: NBC remains in 4th and last place in the ratings.

23 Turks were shot by stray bullets during celebratory gunfire after Turkey's quarterfinal Euro Cup soccer win over Croatia.
That's more damage than Turkish marksmen did during WWII.

Chinese officials accuse the Dalai Lama of trying to sabotage the Beijing Olympics and preparing "suicide squads" to carry out attacks.
Good one, China! I love science fiction.
How is he trying to "sabotage" the Olympics?
Pushing yoga as a demonstration sport?
Dissident Chinese states: putting the "demonstration" back in demonstration sport.

The NHL is seeking to kick the Rangers (and Madison Square Garden, etc.) owners out of the league after they accused the NHL of violating antitrust laws by monopolizing control of team promotions.
Right - if Bettman and the NHL had control of the promotions they'd be playing 2-on-2 beach hockey in Cancun.

A European TV broadcaster accidentally ran old Nazi lyrics subtitled during the German anthem before their match with Austria.
Ratings plummeted in France as viewers instinctively fled their homes.

Saskatchewan has been announced as an official participant in the 2010 Winter Olympics.
I thought cow tipping was a summer sport.

Severe thunderstorms today forced the cancellation of the last scheduled Hall Of Fame baseball game in Cooperstown, NY, between the Cubs and the Padres.
To make up for it, next month Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds will stage a "Hall Of Shame" pitching and batting exhibition.
First 5,000 fans to arrive get a free Bud Selig bobblehead.

You know it's June when...
these are the top 3 college football headlines on Sportsline.com:
# Curry accepts 5-year deal as Georgia State's first coach
# Curry accepts new challenge as Georgia State coach
# Georgia State to make Curry first coach

Michael Vick's younger brother Marcus was arrested Friday for DUI and eluding police.
Considering they caught him, I'd say he's got a pretty solid defense against the latter charge.

CARDINALS FANS READY FOR INTERDIVISIONAL PLAY

St. Louis - There's excitement in the air in St. Louis as Cardinals fans get set to host the Philadelphia Phillies tonight as Interdivisional play gets underway.
"It's fun to see the contrasts in styles between the East Division and the Central Division," said St. Louis resident Jim Ninerich. "Normally you'd have to see this sort of thing in a rare playoff matchup; these days we get it in the regular season, too."
Since the three-game set is being played in Busch Stadium, most Cards fans are confident they will have the edge playing under Central Division rules.

NPR reports that one of the factors driving up the crazy price of Lakers-Celtics tickets is Father's Day.
What - is each of Shawn Kemp's kids planning the same surprise gift?

How embarrassing for the Swiss, being the first to get knocked out of the very tournament they were hosting.
Now they're going to be like hosts waiting for their dinner guests to leave so they can wash up and go to bed.
Meanwhile, the Portuguese just uncorked another bottle of wine.

What's up, Doc?
EURO 2008 FREAKSHOW UNDERWAY

EURO 2008 is underway and with it returns the festive tradition of fans wearing goofy hats, face-paint and dime-store wigs.

Yes, the cavalcade of "colorful" European fans supporting their team by dressing up like extras from The Rocky Horror Picture Show is back in front of the world's lens.

We have a male Dutch supporter sporting chandelier-size earrings made out of carrots, a French fan wearing a blue chicken on his head, and an Italian fan with fake ears that dwarf Ross Perot's in a political cartoon.

North American sports fans enjoy putting on some of their favorite team's gear and can tailgate with the best of them, but they avoid getting dressed up to look like Ronald McDonald in a pride parade.

Does Europe celebrate Halloween in June?

Why do stars from Austin, Texas always look like they are high in photos?
Cedric Benson, Ricky Williams, Matthew McConaughey...

EURO 2008 result Sunday: Germany annexed Poland 2-0.

Big Brown jockey Kent Desormeaux said his horse was out of gas after he faded in The Belmont Stakes.
Maybe that's why so many North Americans identified with him.

Update: Zoolander (Barry Zito & Justin Verlander) now 3-18.

For several hours on Friday, the store on the NHL's web site was selling "Alexander Ovechkin 2007-8 Hart Trophy Winner" t-shirts.
The award - for the NHL's Most Valuable Player - will be announced on June 12.
That's nothing: the NBA's web site has been selling "Lakers-Celtics 2008 NBA Finals" t-shirts for weeks.

A woman in the stands at Safeco Field is upset that she was asked to stop making out with her female companion.
The way the Mariners are going this year, shouldn't Seattle fans be grateful for any entertainment?

A report in the Boston Globe alleges New England Patriots offensive lineman Nicholas Kaczur was arrested for illegal posession of prescription drugs in April and then went undercover for the Drug Enforcement Administration to gather information in a sting operation.
Least shocking part of this story is that a Patriot used a "hidden recording device".

French officials gave a press conference to announce that there will be "surprise", unannounced doping tests on next month's Tour de France.
Pro cyclists thanked them and asked which masking agents, in particular, should they stay away from?
"Together we can get through this."

The Denver Broncos released RB Travis Henry, saying his commitment to the team was in question.
I'd say they were right, given Father's Day is coming up.

The Chicago Cubs have the best record in baseball on June 1st for the first time since 1908.
To give you an idea how long ago this was, Joe Paterno was a graduate assistant.

Brazil beat Canada 3-2 in a soccer friendly in Seattle.
Why were they playing at Qwest Field?
This is like Canada and the U.S. playing a hockey exhibition in Cabo San Lucas.
(Wait a minute...don't give Gary Bettman any ideas.)

A feud over sports federations might keep Iraq out of the Olympic Games.
That could make it a hollow victory indeed if Kazakhstan can skip playing Iraq to get through the Asian hockey qualifiers.

What kind of preseason odds could you have gotten that in late May Barry Zito and Justin Verlander would be a combined 3-15?
And that's after each won his last outing.
These are the worst starts since Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense.

Many schools and organizations have changed the name of "Tug Of War" to "Pull For Peace".
Whatever they want to call it, it's a fun event as long as no one gets an Indian burn from the rope.

Ken Griffey, Jr. paid his Cincinnati Reds teammate Josh Fogg the $1500 he owed him on a golf bet - by leaving 150,000 pennies in his locker.
This is not unheard of in baseball - late Twins owner Calvin Griffith delivered his payroll that way every other Friday.

The Premier of British Columbia lamented the loss of an annual kids soapbox derby street race, calling it "a sporting event second to none".
I'm sure that would be news to the International Olympic Committee.

TAI CHI EXPERT TO MAKE UFC DEBUT

Las Vegas, NV - Tai Chi teacher Lance Worthington of Des Moines, IA will make his debut in the octagon at UFC 85, it was announced today.

Worthington's opponent in the middleweight battle will be Brazilian Muay Thai champion Landroso "The Piranha" Barbera.

"I'm looking forward to bringing fluidity of motion and a sense of calm into the ring," said Worthington.

Barbera replied: "I am going to skin him alive with my hands and then samba de roda on his entrails."

FOX Sports.com published an article on the Top 10 Worst Franchises currently in pro sports and didn't include the New York Knicks.
That's like ranking the 10 Worst Presidents of all-time and not including George W. Bush.

Richie Sexson got a 6-game suspension for charging the mound and throwing his helmet.
Why should Mariners' upcoming opponents be punished for his transgressions?

The White Sox may be the only major league franchise where the players show up for a game early in hopes of getting a bobblehead doll.

In first round action at the World Hockey Championships in Quebec City, Denmark beat Italy 6-2.
On a global sporting relevance scale, this is like Bolivia defeating Kazakhstan in surfing.

HOLLYWOOD WORRIED VIDEOGAME COULD AFFECT WEEKEND BOX OFFICE

Burbank, CA - Analysts will be watching closely this weekend as speculation mounts that Tuesday's release of the interactive puzzle videogame Roogoo for the Xbox 360 could cut into box office receipts for the opening of the Patrick Dempsey romantic comedy Made of Honor.

The Tetris-like game, which involves careful stacking of differently-shaped objects, is appealing to the young female demographic that is expected to make up much of Made of Honor's audience.

"We're worried that instead of heading out to the multiplex," said BoxOfficeBonanza analyst Brandon Kurjurdian, "Girls and young women may stay home trying to complete all 45 puzzle levels and save the planet Roo."

MICHELIN DOWNGRADING O'NEAL, NASH FROM SUPERSTAR TO STAR

Phoenix, AZ - Michelin Guides announced today that after careful deliberation they are taking the "super" status away from Phoenix Suns Shaquille O'Neal and Steve Nash's star designation.

"It pains us to do this because they have spent the past decade amongst the elite players of the league," said spokesman Thierry Laroche, "But their quality of play has declined to the point where we had no choice. Perhaps a new chef can make a difference next year. Plus, je t'aime Tony Parker."

Other athletes in danger of losing their coveted Michelin superstar include David Beckham, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Jaromir Jagr.

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo brought home two prostitutes - only to discover they were actually men in drag.
Just like soccer: a night without any scoring.

Reports say Roger Clemens had a 10-year affair with country singer Mindy McCready.
Let's hope Brian McNamee hasn't kept any physical evidence.
The way that guy operates he may be raising their test-tube baby in his apartment.

New York Rangers LW Sean Avery plans to spend his summer interning at Vogue magazine.
Vogue was his second choice after there were no openings at National Review.

MARDY COLLINS WINS NBA TWELFTH MAN AWARD

New York - New York Knicks guard Mardy Collins won the NBA's inaugural Twelfth Man Award Monday, narrowly edging out the Pistons Walter Herrmann and the Lakers Chris Mihm in media voting.

He is the first Knick to nab an individual award since the 2004-5 season when Maurice Taylor won Least Improved Player.

The Jason Spezza for Roberto Luongo trade rumor is ludicrous.
Why should the West subsidize Ottawa to make up for their poor managerial decisions?

A NASA astronaut will throw out the ceremonial first pitch from the International Space Station before Wednesday's Yankees-Red Sox game.

Fitting, in that the Space Station surpassed the Yankees as the most expensive thing ever built by mankind.

Jorge Posada, wear a cup: objects in Low Earth Orbit clock 17,000 mph on the radar gun.

Yankees beware: a NASA engineer from MIT claims to have built a Red Sox pennant into one of the solar panels.

After five hours of drilling on the weekend, the Yankees found a David Ortiz Red Sox jersey buried in concrete in their new ballpark by a construction worker hoping to place a curse on them.

Similar excavations continue in Comerica Park as the Tigers search for their preseason playoff hopes.

What kind of background checks are the Yanks doing on their construction company that they are allowing them to employ people engaged in witchcraft?

What else did he bury there under a full moon: eye of newt? toe of frog? tar of bat?

OLYMPIC TORCH RELAY RUNNERS NOT GETTING ANY EXERCISE

San Francisco, CA - Olympic torch relay runners in San Francisco today complained that they are not even breaking a sweat.

Between stopping when blocked by protesters, riding in military ATVs and hanging out in secret security warehouses, many runners said they were unable to get their workout in properly.

"This is so lame," said torch-carrier Anthony Kurpurkis of Berkeley, CA. "Now I'm going to have to go to a spin class after dinner."

BILLY PACKER, DICK VITALE TO ADOPT DIAPER DANDY

Durham, N.C. - Sportscasters Billy Packer and Dick Vitale have announced that they will legally adopt freshman Duke basketball player Kyle Singler.

"He's a great kid, full of hustle and desire, and his motor never stops running - which will help with chores around the house and yard," said Packer.

Singler will continue to spend most of the year on Duke's Durham, N.C. campus, while summering at Packer and Vitale's lakeside cottage in Vermont.

Asked if this is just the beginning of putting together a larger family, Vitale replied: "No - we are one and done."

Is that the Olympics torch relay or The Running of the Bulls?

The judge in ex-Bengal WR Chris Henry's latest arrest has ordered electronic monitoring upon his release.
The Patriots have volunteered to help out on this.

Formula One boss Max Mosely, caught on tape with five prostitutes, now claims he was just auditioning a pit crew.

Heath Ledger's Joker will be the biggest posthumous role since the Atlanta Falcons made a December Monday Night Football appearance.

NFL owners are considering a new anti-mullet rule banning hair from flowing out of the back of players helmets.
The proposal is opposed by a little-known group: the Samoan, Rasta and Larry the Cable Guy Fan Players Association.

The Red Sox and A's opened the MLB season at the Tokyo Dome in Japan.
The Iron Chef threw out the first pitch and then challenged everyone to cook a dish using chewing tobacco.

Sunday was the traditional Easter Egg Hunt on the White House lawn in D.C., but the Georgetown Hoyas couldn't find their free throw shot.
Nine of their 17 eggs are still out there.

The agent for Pacman Jones says the Cowboys, Patriots and Lions are interested in the suspended cornerback.
Most gripped by this story are Dallas, Boston and Detroit nightclub doormen.

China's a little confused about the Olympic torch. You're supposed to run around the country using it as a relay baton, not a club.

I just finished filling out my CBI bracket. I'm glad they don't have a play-in game. The faster we can get down to figuring out who is #98.

A day after he batted leadoff in a Grapefruit League game, Billy Crystal was officially cut by the Yankees, reportedly after he turned down a request to allow George Steinbrenner to open next year's Oscars monologue.

Seven players have now deserted the Cuban under-23 soccer team in Florida for an Olympic qualifying tournament.
That's good news for the Cuban economy as the cost of the trip (lodging, food, transportation) in Cuban Pesos is plummeting.

The British Olympic Association announced Wednesday that its athletes will compete in the Beijing Olympics without the aid of pollution-protection masks.

This is alarming news to sports fans all over the world who will now be exposed to British teeth.

If you're keeping score, I think we're at 3 "Nigerian Nightmares": Samuel Peter, Christian Okoye, and e-commerce companies.

Justin Timberlake is inducting Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame tonight?
That's like Neifi Perez inducting Brandon Inge to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Samuel Peter, the new WBC Heavyweight Champion, is a devout Christian who neither drinks nor smokes and lives in Las Vegas.
This must be like a pro basketball fan living in New York.

I'm not sure which event dispersed more water this week: the flooding of the Grand Canyon or Brett Favre's press conference.

In the wake of Tuesday's retirement announcements, the NFL Network is airing 30 hours of Brett Favre programming and Warren Sapp is getting a couple hours on the Food Network.

Former U.S. Open champ Kim Clijsters gave birth to a daughter nine months after retiring from tennis due to "fatigue, lack of motivation and a decline in play".
Apparently she overcame those afflictions for her retirement party.

University of Moncton hockey player Josianne Bisaillon was suspended for an entire year after she punched a female linesman three times in the face.
Great; this totally screws up my Atlantic University Sports women's hockey fantasy league team.

There is no evidence of performance-enhancing drugs in the NHL, Commissioner Gary Bettman told a panel of U.S. congressmen in Washington, D.C. today.
As proof, he rolled some tape of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Archaeologists in Peru have unearthed a 5,500-year old plaza that is the Americas oldest urban site.
Items discovered include pottery, bricks, and a recruiting letter from Joe Paterno.

Wladimir Klitschko took another step Saturday night to unifying the Heavyweight Boredom Title. Klitschko defeated Sultan Ibragimov for the dull WBO belt in 12 rounds that had partisan Russians grumbling and jeering in a Madison Square Garden venue which is not used to seeing incompetent sporting events.
Klitschko, who was defending his sleep-inducing IBF title and also holds the somnabulant IBO title, said he was "happy to get the WBO belt back" before taking a post-bout nap.
Next up for the heavyweight champ: to continue pursuing his dream by capturing the WBA, WBC and REM titles.

Roger Clemens has pulled out of next week's "ESPN The Weekend" festivities at Walt Disney World in Florida.
Athletes still participating include Ricky Williams at Space Mountain, Jose Bautista at Pirates of the Caribbean, and Earl Boykins at It's A Small World.

Canadian Olympic bobsledder Serge Despres has been suspended for 20 months for failing a drug test.
It's believed the drug he was taking was to combat his fear of being wedged into an extremely tight space with three other men wearing very thin skin-tight suits.

Kosovo was officially recognized as the world's newest sovereign nation.
The bad news is Canada just dropped another notch in the world soccer rankings.

The Jason Kidd trade was alive again Sunday night as the Mavericks have put together a new package that reportedly includes retired F Keith Van Horn. If this deal doesn't go through, Dallas may thrown in Roy Tarpley and do a sign-and-trade with the remains of George Mikan.

Indiana basketball head coach Kelvin Sampson is in hot water for making 577 bad phone calls. What is this guy - running for office?

The Pro Bowl, NBA All-Star Weekend and Mitt Romney vs Mike Huckabee on Super Tuesday: February has truly been the month of irrelevance.

Brian McNamee says he kept Roger Clemens's syringes and gauzes in empty beer cans in his apartment for the past seven years. I'm going to remind my mother of this the next time she complains about the tidiness of my place.

A lawyer for a sports marketer who is suing football star Reggie Bush said he and his client walked out of a deposition Tuesday after a bodyguard for Bush's attorney opened his jacket to expose a pistol.
Aren't they all living in the same house? This is gonna make for some awkward breakfast conversation.

Reggie Miller says if the Cleveland Cavaliers don't surround Lebron James with better players he could see him leaving for New York in a couple of years. Uh, Reggie, the Cavs are 29-22 and the Knicks are 15-36. As far as team-building goes, the rest of the NBA makes the Knicks look like Enron.

Two Montreal Canadiens players were arrested outside a Tampa nightclub after one of them reportedly stole a woman's purse. Did the NHLPA lose their per diem in the last CBA?
The woman said she saw defenceman Ryan O'Byrne - who was just recalled from Montreal's minor league affiliate Hamilton Bulldogs earlier that day - holding her purse while using her cell phone at 3am. Who is he calling at 3am? Probably Hamilton, because he appears to be the first person in history to miss Hamilton so badly that he is already doing whatever he can to get back there as soon as possible.

Gary Bettman may be the only person who - when NHL expansion to Hamilton is brought up - wonders if that means Ontario or Bermuda.

Brian McNamee told congressional investigators he injected Roger Clemens' wife Debbie with HGH before the couple posed for a 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot. Maybe that's what we've all been missing before our trip to the DMV.

Nevada officials are planning an auto race that will pass by Ely, NV on a stretch of highway called "The Loneliest Road In North America".
I thought that was the hallway to my bedroom.

Vancouver's 2010 Olympic torch run will be the longest in games history. That's because of the budget overruns; they can't afford to get anyone a motel for the night.

World No. 29 tennis player Sonia Mirza has faced opposition from religious groups at home in India for not playing matches in traditional, conservative attire.
Seems like that would put her at an unfair competitive disadvantage unless she was playing against a beekeeper.

No new trees were destroyed for confetti during the Giants ticker-tape parade Tuesday. Instead they used shredded pages of that Patriots "19-0" book.

Portland promoters charged guests a $15 cover for Trailblazers rookie Greg Oden's birthday party - which he didn't attend.
Now you know how Toronto Maple Leafs season ticket holders feel.

The New England Patriots have applied for federal trademarks on "19-0" and "19-0 The Perfect Season". Not to be outdone, the 1972 Miami Dolphins are trademarking "Cranky Old Guys".

Plaxico Burress missed his second straight practice yesterday with swelling and soreness in his knee. Between that and Tom Brady's high ankle sprain, Super Bowl Week has been like Tonya Harding trying out for The Rockettes.

A high school coach in Pennsylvania will resign rather than face criminal charges after allegedly biting one of his wrestlers in the upper thigh. "Everything I say gets misconstrued," Central Cambria High coach Mike Marshall told the AP between mouthfuls of fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Mexico City's Ines Gomez Mont may have been rebuffed in her proposal to Tom Brady at the Super Bowl Media Day, but I hear Gary Bettman is very interested in getting the NHL in bed with her TV Azteca.

Barefoot Cellars Pinot Grigio is the official wine of the Pro Beach Volleyball Tour. Does that fact make you want to drink that wine or watch that sport any more?
Didn't think so.
(OK - Monday of Super Bowl week is a slow news day.)

Shaq's cable bill is $1500 a month? I hope he's savvy and that's bundled with the Internet.

The Mike & Mike in the Morning show will broadcast live from the Bassmaster Classic for four hours live on Friday, February 22nd. Mike Golic says: "These anglers have really good personalities; they could certainly open the eyes of some of our listeners to what they do."
I, for one, am looking forward to having my preconceived notions of fishermen turned inside-out. Gutted, even.

The Patriots 2nd and 3rd stringers, Matt Cassel and Matt Gutierrez, were career backups at USC and Michigan, respectively, and have one season of meaningful playing experience since high school between them.
Mariah Carey's legs may be insured for $1 billion dollars, but at least in New England, you gotta think they are taking a back seat to Tom Brady's high ankle sprain at the moment.

The NHL All-Star Game is losing stars faster than a Tom Lemming recruit who verbals to someone other than Notre Dame.

Former USC Offensive Coordinator Norm Chow has accepted the same position at UCLA.
This is the biggest name to switch teams in LA since Rock Hudson.

The Giants kicker just set a new NFL playoff record for "Most Tynes Last Name Used In Newspaper/Website Headline Pun".

Randy Moss said: "In my whole entire life of living 30 years, I've never put my hand on one woman, physically..."
Dude, I know you like the Xbox football, but you need to get out of your crib once in awhile.

Green Bay Fox affiliate WLIK says it will not air Seinfeld in its regular Saturday afternoon time slot because it's Eli Manning's favorite show.
Instead, they will show a documentary about how the ice age wiped out giant creatures.

Qatar wants to host the 2016 Summer Olympics.
If this happens, the ending of the marathon may resemble the first one ever run.

NCAA Division II delegates approved a pilot program Monday allowing Canadian schools to apply for membership to compete in sports.
Wisconsin and Kansas State immediately inquired about scheduling Simon Fraser, Toronto and McGill in football.

Terrell Owens paid for Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson's trip to Mexico?!?
Cowboy fans hope next Christmas he just gets them a gift card to Chili's.

Brett Favre is thinking of playing another season?
This guy is racking up more farewell tours than The Who.

The NHL All-Star Game is getting short shrift on Atlanta's Philips Arena's website, which instead is promoting an upcoming concert with Barry Manilow and a 10-day circus run. Is there still time for NHL marketing to add a monster zamboni pull to the weekend?

Headline: Third World Tired of Receiving Ohio State "Champions" T-shirts.

ONE OF NATION'S TOP FOOTBALL RECRUITS LACKS ONLY A NICKNAME

ESPN and Rivals.com's #1 ranked "Athlete" in the nation, Jersey City, N.J. St. Peter's Prep's Will Hill seems to have it all: the 6'3", 200 QB/RB/Safety has a 4.4 40 time, a 3.0 GPA, a 6.1 (out of 6.1) recruiting ranking from Rivals, and a scholarship commitment to the University of Florida. Only one thing has eluded the electrifying young star to this point: a catchy nickname.
"He's had a few nicknames over the years, but none of them stuck," said prep teammate OL Paul "The Gaul" Small, "I remember in frosh ball, we called him 'The Magician'. Then later he was W-Money. That was sorta cool but didn't last long. During summer school one year he was 'The Bard', but I think that may have been partly since we were all trying to get his grades up with his English Lit teacher. The two I remember from this past year were 'Blueberry' and 'Superbad'. But those were really only for a few weeks, plus Carrie's party."
A number of outside resources have been called in to try and come up with a catchy nickname for the football phenom. Local New Jersey rappers held a contest at the club Beat Street but failed to figure out any suitable name or rhyme. In anticipation of his arrival on the Gainesville campus this coming fall, the Florida Athletic Department has enlisted the help of their Department of Linguistics, but they have so far drawn a blank in terms of figuring out a moniker for this talented young man.
Hill himself likes "to chill with teammates after practice, playing Xbox", and says not having a cool nickname is hardly a bitter pill to swallow. When all else fails, he enjoys watching a favorite DVD: Kill Bill.

ESPN reported Kansas coach Mark Mangino flew to New Orleans for the Football Writers Association of America dinner. Thoughts...
1. I didn't realize the Boeing 787 Dreamliner was operating yet.
2. This could be the shot in the arm that the Crescent City's restaurant industry needs.
3. Be careful MM; if you've been reading the news lately you know Louisiana diners have been cracking down on patrons that abuse buffets.

The Knicks Zach Randolph was suspended one game for throwing his headband at a referee. Various accounts have the headband either hitting the ref or landing just short of his feet. Considering it's the Knicks, I think it's a safe bet which version is correct.

The next time they send one of those recordings into outer space they should include "Boomer Sooner", so we are never visited by aliens.