Michael Vick's younger brother Marcus was arrested Friday for DUI and eluding police.
Considering they caught him, I'd say he's got a pretty solid defense against the latter charge.

CARDINALS FANS READY FOR INTERDIVISIONAL PLAY

St. Louis - There's excitement in the air in St. Louis as Cardinals fans get set to host the Philadelphia Phillies tonight as Interdivisional play gets underway.
"It's fun to see the contrasts in styles between the East Division and the Central Division," said St. Louis resident Jim Ninerich. "Normally you'd have to see this sort of thing in a rare playoff matchup; these days we get it in the regular season, too."
Since the three-game set is being played in Busch Stadium, most Cards fans are confident they will have the edge playing under Central Division rules.

NPR reports that one of the factors driving up the crazy price of Lakers-Celtics tickets is Father's Day.
What - is each of Shawn Kemp's kids planning the same surprise gift?

How embarrassing for the Swiss, being the first to get knocked out of the very tournament they were hosting.
Now they're going to be like hosts waiting for their dinner guests to leave so they can wash up and go to bed.
Meanwhile, the Portuguese just uncorked another bottle of wine.

What's up, Doc?
EURO 2008 FREAKSHOW UNDERWAY

EURO 2008 is underway and with it returns the festive tradition of fans wearing goofy hats, face-paint and dime-store wigs.

Yes, the cavalcade of "colorful" European fans supporting their team by dressing up like extras from The Rocky Horror Picture Show is back in front of the world's lens.

We have a male Dutch supporter sporting chandelier-size earrings made out of carrots, a French fan wearing a blue chicken on his head, and an Italian fan with fake ears that dwarf Ross Perot's in a political cartoon.

North American sports fans enjoy putting on some of their favorite team's gear and can tailgate with the best of them, but they avoid getting dressed up to look like Ronald McDonald in a pride parade.

Does Europe celebrate Halloween in June?

Why do stars from Austin, Texas always look like they are high in photos?
Cedric Benson, Ricky Williams, Matthew McConaughey...

EURO 2008 result Sunday: Germany annexed Poland 2-0.

Big Brown jockey Kent Desormeaux said his horse was out of gas after he faded in The Belmont Stakes.
Maybe that's why so many North Americans identified with him.

Update: Zoolander (Barry Zito & Justin Verlander) now 3-18.

For several hours on Friday, the store on the NHL's web site was selling "Alexander Ovechkin 2007-8 Hart Trophy Winner" t-shirts.
The award - for the NHL's Most Valuable Player - will be announced on June 12.
That's nothing: the NBA's web site has been selling "Lakers-Celtics 2008 NBA Finals" t-shirts for weeks.

A woman in the stands at Safeco Field is upset that she was asked to stop making out with her female companion.
The way the Mariners are going this year, shouldn't Seattle fans be grateful for any entertainment?

A report in the Boston Globe alleges New England Patriots offensive lineman Nicholas Kaczur was arrested for illegal posession of prescription drugs in April and then went undercover for the Drug Enforcement Administration to gather information in a sting operation.
Least shocking part of this story is that a Patriot used a "hidden recording device".

French officials gave a press conference to announce that there will be "surprise", unannounced doping tests on next month's Tour de France.
Pro cyclists thanked them and asked which masking agents, in particular, should they stay away from?
"Together we can get through this."

The Denver Broncos released RB Travis Henry, saying his commitment to the team was in question.
I'd say they were right, given Father's Day is coming up.

The Chicago Cubs have the best record in baseball on June 1st for the first time since 1908.
To give you an idea how long ago this was, Joe Paterno was a graduate assistant.

Brazil beat Canada 3-2 in a soccer friendly in Seattle.
Why were they playing at Qwest Field?
This is like Canada and the U.S. playing a hockey exhibition in Cabo San Lucas.
(Wait a minute...don't give Gary Bettman any ideas.)

A feud over sports federations might keep Iraq out of the Olympic Games.
That could make it a hollow victory indeed if Kazakhstan can skip playing Iraq to get through the Asian hockey qualifiers.

What kind of preseason odds could you have gotten that in late May Barry Zito and Justin Verlander would be a combined 3-15?
And that's after each won his last outing.
These are the worst starts since Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense.

Many schools and organizations have changed the name of "Tug Of War" to "Pull For Peace".
Whatever they want to call it, it's a fun event as long as no one gets an Indian burn from the rope.

Ken Griffey, Jr. paid his Cincinnati Reds teammate Josh Fogg the $1500 he owed him on a golf bet - by leaving 150,000 pennies in his locker.
This is not unheard of in baseball - late Twins owner Calvin Griffith delivered his payroll that way every other Friday.

The Premier of British Columbia lamented the loss of an annual kids soapbox derby street race, calling it "a sporting event second to none".
I'm sure that would be news to the International Olympic Committee.

TAI CHI EXPERT TO MAKE UFC DEBUT

Las Vegas, NV - Tai Chi teacher Lance Worthington of Des Moines, IA will make his debut in the octagon at UFC 85, it was announced today.

Worthington's opponent in the middleweight battle will be Brazilian Muay Thai champion Landroso "The Piranha" Barbera.

"I'm looking forward to bringing fluidity of motion and a sense of calm into the ring," said Worthington.

Barbera replied: "I am going to skin him alive with my hands and then samba de roda on his entrails."

FOX Sports.com published an article on the Top 10 Worst Franchises currently in pro sports and didn't include the New York Knicks.
That's like ranking the 10 Worst Presidents of all-time and not including George W. Bush.

Richie Sexson got a 6-game suspension for charging the mound and throwing his helmet.
Why should Mariners' upcoming opponents be punished for his transgressions?

The White Sox may be the only major league franchise where the players show up for a game early in hopes of getting a bobblehead doll.

In first round action at the World Hockey Championships in Quebec City, Denmark beat Italy 6-2.
On a global sporting relevance scale, this is like Bolivia defeating Kazakhstan in surfing.

HOLLYWOOD WORRIED VIDEOGAME COULD AFFECT WEEKEND BOX OFFICE

Burbank, CA - Analysts will be watching closely this weekend as speculation mounts that Tuesday's release of the interactive puzzle videogame Roogoo for the Xbox 360 could cut into box office receipts for the opening of the Patrick Dempsey romantic comedy Made of Honor.

The Tetris-like game, which involves careful stacking of differently-shaped objects, is appealing to the young female demographic that is expected to make up much of Made of Honor's audience.

"We're worried that instead of heading out to the multiplex," said BoxOfficeBonanza analyst Brandon Kurjurdian, "Girls and young women may stay home trying to complete all 45 puzzle levels and save the planet Roo."

MICHELIN DOWNGRADING O'NEAL, NASH FROM SUPERSTAR TO STAR

Phoenix, AZ - Michelin Guides announced today that after careful deliberation they are taking the "super" status away from Phoenix Suns Shaquille O'Neal and Steve Nash's star designation.

"It pains us to do this because they have spent the past decade amongst the elite players of the league," said spokesman Thierry Laroche, "But their quality of play has declined to the point where we had no choice. Perhaps a new chef can make a difference next year. Plus, je t'aime Tony Parker."

Other athletes in danger of losing their coveted Michelin superstar include David Beckham, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Jaromir Jagr.

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo brought home two prostitutes - only to discover they were actually men in drag.
Just like soccer: a night without any scoring.

Reports say Roger Clemens had a 10-year affair with country singer Mindy McCready.
Let's hope Brian McNamee hasn't kept any physical evidence.
The way that guy operates he may be raising their test-tube baby in his apartment.

New York Rangers LW Sean Avery plans to spend his summer interning at Vogue magazine.
Vogue was his second choice after there were no openings at National Review.

MARDY COLLINS WINS NBA TWELFTH MAN AWARD

New York - New York Knicks guard Mardy Collins won the NBA's inaugural Twelfth Man Award Monday, narrowly edging out the Pistons Walter Herrmann and the Lakers Chris Mihm in media voting.

He is the first Knick to nab an individual award since the 2004-5 season when Maurice Taylor won Least Improved Player.

The Jason Spezza for Roberto Luongo trade rumor is ludicrous.
Why should the West subsidize Ottawa to make up for their poor managerial decisions?

A NASA astronaut will throw out the ceremonial first pitch from the International Space Station before Wednesday's Yankees-Red Sox game.

Fitting, in that the Space Station surpassed the Yankees as the most expensive thing ever built by mankind.

Jorge Posada, wear a cup: objects in Low Earth Orbit clock 17,000 mph on the radar gun.

Yankees beware: a NASA engineer from MIT claims to have built a Red Sox pennant into one of the solar panels.

After five hours of drilling on the weekend, the Yankees found a David Ortiz Red Sox jersey buried in concrete in their new ballpark by a construction worker hoping to place a curse on them.

Similar excavations continue in Comerica Park as the Tigers search for their preseason playoff hopes.

What kind of background checks are the Yanks doing on their construction company that they are allowing them to employ people engaged in witchcraft?

What else did he bury there under a full moon: eye of newt? toe of frog? tar of bat?

OLYMPIC TORCH RELAY RUNNERS NOT GETTING ANY EXERCISE

San Francisco, CA - Olympic torch relay runners in San Francisco today complained that they are not even breaking a sweat.

Between stopping when blocked by protesters, riding in military ATVs and hanging out in secret security warehouses, many runners said they were unable to get their workout in properly.

"This is so lame," said torch-carrier Anthony Kurpurkis of Berkeley, CA. "Now I'm going to have to go to a spin class after dinner."

BILLY PACKER, DICK VITALE TO ADOPT DIAPER DANDY

Durham, N.C. - Sportscasters Billy Packer and Dick Vitale have announced that they will legally adopt freshman Duke basketball player Kyle Singler.

"He's a great kid, full of hustle and desire, and his motor never stops running - which will help with chores around the house and yard," said Packer.

Singler will continue to spend most of the year on Duke's Durham, N.C. campus, while summering at Packer and Vitale's lakeside cottage in Vermont.

Asked if this is just the beginning of putting together a larger family, Vitale replied: "No - we are one and done."

Is that the Olympics torch relay or The Running of the Bulls?

The judge in ex-Bengal WR Chris Henry's latest arrest has ordered electronic monitoring upon his release.
The Patriots have volunteered to help out on this.

Formula One boss Max Mosely, caught on tape with five prostitutes, now claims he was just auditioning a pit crew.

Heath Ledger's Joker will be the biggest posthumous role since the Atlanta Falcons made a December Monday Night Football appearance.

NFL owners are considering a new anti-mullet rule banning hair from flowing out of the back of players helmets.
The proposal is opposed by a little-known group: the Samoan, Rasta and Larry the Cable Guy Fan Players Association.

The Red Sox and A's opened the MLB season at the Tokyo Dome in Japan.
The Iron Chef threw out the first pitch and then challenged everyone to cook a dish using chewing tobacco.

Sunday was the traditional Easter Egg Hunt on the White House lawn in D.C., but the Georgetown Hoyas couldn't find their free throw shot.
Nine of their 17 eggs are still out there.

The agent for Pacman Jones says the Cowboys, Patriots and Lions are interested in the suspended cornerback.
Most gripped by this story are Dallas, Boston and Detroit nightclub doormen.

China's a little confused about the Olympic torch. You're supposed to run around the country using it as a relay baton, not a club.

I just finished filling out my CBI bracket. I'm glad they don't have a play-in game. The faster we can get down to figuring out who is #98.

A day after he batted leadoff in a Grapefruit League game, Billy Crystal was officially cut by the Yankees, reportedly after he turned down a request to allow George Steinbrenner to open next year's Oscars monologue.

Seven players have now deserted the Cuban under-23 soccer team in Florida for an Olympic qualifying tournament.
That's good news for the Cuban economy as the cost of the trip (lodging, food, transportation) in Cuban Pesos is plummeting.

The British Olympic Association announced Wednesday that its athletes will compete in the Beijing Olympics without the aid of pollution-protection masks.

This is alarming news to sports fans all over the world who will now be exposed to British teeth.

If you're keeping score, I think we're at 3 "Nigerian Nightmares": Samuel Peter, Christian Okoye, and e-commerce companies.

Justin Timberlake is inducting Madonna into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame tonight?
That's like Neifi Perez inducting Brandon Inge to the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Samuel Peter, the new WBC Heavyweight Champion, is a devout Christian who neither drinks nor smokes and lives in Las Vegas.
This must be like a pro basketball fan living in New York.

I'm not sure which event dispersed more water this week: the flooding of the Grand Canyon or Brett Favre's press conference.

In the wake of Tuesday's retirement announcements, the NFL Network is airing 30 hours of Brett Favre programming and Warren Sapp is getting a couple hours on the Food Network.

Former U.S. Open champ Kim Clijsters gave birth to a daughter nine months after retiring from tennis due to "fatigue, lack of motivation and a decline in play".
Apparently she overcame those afflictions for her retirement party.

University of Moncton hockey player Josianne Bisaillon was suspended for an entire year after she punched a female linesman three times in the face.
Great; this totally screws up my Atlantic University Sports women's hockey fantasy league team.

There is no evidence of performance-enhancing drugs in the NHL, Commissioner Gary Bettman told a panel of U.S. congressmen in Washington, D.C. today.
As proof, he rolled some tape of the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Archaeologists in Peru have unearthed a 5,500-year old plaza that is the Americas oldest urban site.
Items discovered include pottery, bricks, and a recruiting letter from Joe Paterno.

Wladimir Klitschko took another step Saturday night to unifying the Heavyweight Boredom Title. Klitschko defeated Sultan Ibragimov for the dull WBO belt in 12 rounds that had partisan Russians grumbling and jeering in a Madison Square Garden venue which is not used to seeing incompetent sporting events.
Klitschko, who was defending his sleep-inducing IBF title and also holds the somnabulant IBO title, said he was "happy to get the WBO belt back" before taking a post-bout nap.
Next up for the heavyweight champ: to continue pursuing his dream by capturing the WBA, WBC and REM titles.

Roger Clemens has pulled out of next week's "ESPN The Weekend" festivities at Walt Disney World in Florida.
Athletes still participating include Ricky Williams at Space Mountain, Jose Bautista at Pirates of the Caribbean, and Earl Boykins at It's A Small World.

Canadian Olympic bobsledder Serge Despres has been suspended for 20 months for failing a drug test.
It's believed the drug he was taking was to combat his fear of being wedged into an extremely tight space with three other men wearing very thin skin-tight suits.

Kosovo was officially recognized as the world's newest sovereign nation.
The bad news is Canada just dropped another notch in the world soccer rankings.

The Jason Kidd trade was alive again Sunday night as the Mavericks have put together a new package that reportedly includes retired F Keith Van Horn. If this deal doesn't go through, Dallas may thrown in Roy Tarpley and do a sign-and-trade with the remains of George Mikan.

Indiana basketball head coach Kelvin Sampson is in hot water for making 577 bad phone calls. What is this guy - running for office?

The Pro Bowl, NBA All-Star Weekend and Mitt Romney vs Mike Huckabee on Super Tuesday: February has truly been the month of irrelevance.

Brian McNamee says he kept Roger Clemens's syringes and gauzes in empty beer cans in his apartment for the past seven years. I'm going to remind my mother of this the next time she complains about the tidiness of my place.

A lawyer for a sports marketer who is suing football star Reggie Bush said he and his client walked out of a deposition Tuesday after a bodyguard for Bush's attorney opened his jacket to expose a pistol.
Aren't they all living in the same house? This is gonna make for some awkward breakfast conversation.

Reggie Miller says if the Cleveland Cavaliers don't surround Lebron James with better players he could see him leaving for New York in a couple of years. Uh, Reggie, the Cavs are 29-22 and the Knicks are 15-36. As far as team-building goes, the rest of the NBA makes the Knicks look like Enron.

Two Montreal Canadiens players were arrested outside a Tampa nightclub after one of them reportedly stole a woman's purse. Did the NHLPA lose their per diem in the last CBA?
The woman said she saw defenceman Ryan O'Byrne - who was just recalled from Montreal's minor league affiliate Hamilton Bulldogs earlier that day - holding her purse while using her cell phone at 3am. Who is he calling at 3am? Probably Hamilton, because he appears to be the first person in history to miss Hamilton so badly that he is already doing whatever he can to get back there as soon as possible.

Gary Bettman may be the only person who - when NHL expansion to Hamilton is brought up - wonders if that means Ontario or Bermuda.

Brian McNamee told congressional investigators he injected Roger Clemens' wife Debbie with HGH before the couple posed for a 2003 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot. Maybe that's what we've all been missing before our trip to the DMV.

Nevada officials are planning an auto race that will pass by Ely, NV on a stretch of highway called "The Loneliest Road In North America".
I thought that was the hallway to my bedroom.

Vancouver's 2010 Olympic torch run will be the longest in games history. That's because of the budget overruns; they can't afford to get anyone a motel for the night.

World No. 29 tennis player Sonia Mirza has faced opposition from religious groups at home in India for not playing matches in traditional, conservative attire.
Seems like that would put her at an unfair competitive disadvantage unless she was playing against a beekeeper.

No new trees were destroyed for confetti during the Giants ticker-tape parade Tuesday. Instead they used shredded pages of that Patriots "19-0" book.

Portland promoters charged guests a $15 cover for Trailblazers rookie Greg Oden's birthday party - which he didn't attend.
Now you know how Toronto Maple Leafs season ticket holders feel.

The New England Patriots have applied for federal trademarks on "19-0" and "19-0 The Perfect Season". Not to be outdone, the 1972 Miami Dolphins are trademarking "Cranky Old Guys".

Plaxico Burress missed his second straight practice yesterday with swelling and soreness in his knee. Between that and Tom Brady's high ankle sprain, Super Bowl Week has been like Tonya Harding trying out for The Rockettes.

A high school coach in Pennsylvania will resign rather than face criminal charges after allegedly biting one of his wrestlers in the upper thigh. "Everything I say gets misconstrued," Central Cambria High coach Mike Marshall told the AP between mouthfuls of fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Mexico City's Ines Gomez Mont may have been rebuffed in her proposal to Tom Brady at the Super Bowl Media Day, but I hear Gary Bettman is very interested in getting the NHL in bed with her TV Azteca.

Barefoot Cellars Pinot Grigio is the official wine of the Pro Beach Volleyball Tour. Does that fact make you want to drink that wine or watch that sport any more?
Didn't think so.
(OK - Monday of Super Bowl week is a slow news day.)

Shaq's cable bill is $1500 a month? I hope he's savvy and that's bundled with the Internet.

The Mike & Mike in the Morning show will broadcast live from the Bassmaster Classic for four hours live on Friday, February 22nd. Mike Golic says: "These anglers have really good personalities; they could certainly open the eyes of some of our listeners to what they do."
I, for one, am looking forward to having my preconceived notions of fishermen turned inside-out. Gutted, even.

The Patriots 2nd and 3rd stringers, Matt Cassel and Matt Gutierrez, were career backups at USC and Michigan, respectively, and have one season of meaningful playing experience since high school between them.
Mariah Carey's legs may be insured for $1 billion dollars, but at least in New England, you gotta think they are taking a back seat to Tom Brady's high ankle sprain at the moment.

The NHL All-Star Game is losing stars faster than a Tom Lemming recruit who verbals to someone other than Notre Dame.

Former USC Offensive Coordinator Norm Chow has accepted the same position at UCLA.
This is the biggest name to switch teams in LA since Rock Hudson.

The Giants kicker just set a new NFL playoff record for "Most Tynes Last Name Used In Newspaper/Website Headline Pun".

Randy Moss said: "In my whole entire life of living 30 years, I've never put my hand on one woman, physically..."
Dude, I know you like the Xbox football, but you need to get out of your crib once in awhile.

Green Bay Fox affiliate WLIK says it will not air Seinfeld in its regular Saturday afternoon time slot because it's Eli Manning's favorite show.
Instead, they will show a documentary about how the ice age wiped out giant creatures.

Qatar wants to host the 2016 Summer Olympics.
If this happens, the ending of the marathon may resemble the first one ever run.

NCAA Division II delegates approved a pilot program Monday allowing Canadian schools to apply for membership to compete in sports.
Wisconsin and Kansas State immediately inquired about scheduling Simon Fraser, Toronto and McGill in football.

Terrell Owens paid for Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson's trip to Mexico?!?
Cowboy fans hope next Christmas he just gets them a gift card to Chili's.

Brett Favre is thinking of playing another season?
This guy is racking up more farewell tours than The Who.

The NHL All-Star Game is getting short shrift on Atlanta's Philips Arena's website, which instead is promoting an upcoming concert with Barry Manilow and a 10-day circus run. Is there still time for NHL marketing to add a monster zamboni pull to the weekend?

Headline: Third World Tired of Receiving Ohio State "Champions" T-shirts.

ONE OF NATION'S TOP FOOTBALL RECRUITS LACKS ONLY A NICKNAME

ESPN and Rivals.com's #1 ranked "Athlete" in the nation, Jersey City, N.J. St. Peter's Prep's Will Hill seems to have it all: the 6'3", 200 QB/RB/Safety has a 4.4 40 time, a 3.0 GPA, a 6.1 (out of 6.1) recruiting ranking from Rivals, and a scholarship commitment to the University of Florida. Only one thing has eluded the electrifying young star to this point: a catchy nickname.
"He's had a few nicknames over the years, but none of them stuck," said prep teammate OL Paul "The Gaul" Small, "I remember in frosh ball, we called him 'The Magician'. Then later he was W-Money. That was sorta cool but didn't last long. During summer school one year he was 'The Bard', but I think that may have been partly since we were all trying to get his grades up with his English Lit teacher. The two I remember from this past year were 'Blueberry' and 'Superbad'. But those were really only for a few weeks, plus Carrie's party."
A number of outside resources have been called in to try and come up with a catchy nickname for the football phenom. Local New Jersey rappers held a contest at the club Beat Street but failed to figure out any suitable name or rhyme. In anticipation of his arrival on the Gainesville campus this coming fall, the Florida Athletic Department has enlisted the help of their Department of Linguistics, but they have so far drawn a blank in terms of figuring out a moniker for this talented young man.
Hill himself likes "to chill with teammates after practice, playing Xbox", and says not having a cool nickname is hardly a bitter pill to swallow. When all else fails, he enjoys watching a favorite DVD: Kill Bill.

ESPN reported Kansas coach Mark Mangino flew to New Orleans for the Football Writers Association of America dinner. Thoughts...
1. I didn't realize the Boeing 787 Dreamliner was operating yet.
2. This could be the shot in the arm that the Crescent City's restaurant industry needs.
3. Be careful MM; if you've been reading the news lately you know Louisiana diners have been cracking down on patrons that abuse buffets.

The Knicks Zach Randolph was suspended one game for throwing his headband at a referee. Various accounts have the headband either hitting the ref or landing just short of his feet. Considering it's the Knicks, I think it's a safe bet which version is correct.

The next time they send one of those recordings into outer space they should include "Boomer Sooner", so we are never visited by aliens.